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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:
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DeadButDelicious · 19/09/2019 11:09

I don't drink. Don't like the effect, I think most alcohol tastes yucky. For me, personally, a whole bottle of wine in the space of 2 and a half hours does soundk like a lot. That said, when you say 3 glasses (I'll admit that I had no idea 3 large glasses = a bottle of wine) it doesn't sound that much, one with each course, and it was a special occasion.

It's more about the terminology than anything else, 'downed' implies you did it in one go, which clearly isn't the case here. Sounds like he was being a bit arsey this morning and therefore YANBU to be annoyed.

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 11:09

I do take on board the point that maybe I get more irritating to dh than I realise. Thank you.

OP posts:
SooticaTheWitchesCat · 19/09/2019 11:10

He is probably trying to wind you up. Maybe you are a bit sensitive this morning after having a bit too much last night? I would let it go.

Bibidy · 19/09/2019 11:11

Three glasses over the course of an evening isn't a lot to have from time to time.

If it was every day then that's different, but I don't think it's unusual for someone to have three drinks when on an evening out!

LoveGrowsWhere · 19/09/2019 11:12

YABU to say that 3 large glasses is not the same as downing a bottle. It is and makes you not ok to drive the next morning however clear headed you think you are.

Doesn't mean you can't choose to do it and enjoy it on a night out.

PuppyMonkey · 19/09/2019 11:12

OP - how much/what did he eat during the meal?

What did he drink instead of alcohol?

I hope you didn't comment on him being a greedy sugar guzzling twat or anything. Wink

Ellisandra · 19/09/2019 11:12

I don’t drink alcohol at all.

My husband can easily drink a bottle of wine at home over an evening.

At dinner last night, he drank NOTHING. He never drinks when he’s eating. I find it bizarre!

Me? I had a 600ml bottle of Pepsi Max Cherry, and a 300ml glass of water.

I am PMSL at someone telling you how much you should drink with dinner, in volume terms.

FunderAnna · 19/09/2019 11:15

I have gradually stopped drinking. My husband also drinks less now - I think when he drank a little more it was normally as a response to work-related stress. The glass of wine when he got home was a way to mark the end of the day and help him relax.

I think there is a mismatch between the ways in which people converse/relate to each other when one is sober and the other has had several glasses of wine.

I would probably see an anniversary meal as a time to a) enjoy food and b) talk to my partner - looking back on our marriage and the last year, look forward to the future etc.

If you both like a glass or two then that might be part of the general togetherness. But if one of you does and the other doesn't, then it might make sense to drink rather less - and save the extra glass for a night out with your female friends.

So for me there might be a question about what/who you love most. The wine or your husband?

Ginseng1 · 19/09/2019 11:17

What you are drinking seems normal to me. Drinking 3 glasses when out like that for a special occasion etc I didn't bother read all the replies sure a load of MN think it's excessive. It sounds like your DH could be like these though in that HE thinks it's too much cos he doesn't really drink? And I would be happily tipsy after 3 glasses maybe if he stone sober finds that irritating? Me n dh drink same when we go out together & have great time but if he comes in tipsy & I not have to say I (irrational I know!) find it annoying.

AmIThough · 19/09/2019 11:17

I probably would say "I downed a bottle of wine" if I'd drunk a bottle of wine over a meal but would be a bit annoyed if someone used it to be judgey like your DH.

He's probably just jealous that you don't get hangovers Grin

verticality · 19/09/2019 11:18

One of my friends has a husband like this. He doesn't like to drink, she does. Shes doesn't have any kind of problem, she just likes the occasional (a few times a year) night out wiht friends. She doesn't get hammered to the point of obliviou, either. However, whenever she gets a tiny bit tipsy, he has to comment in some way. It's always done in a way that is apparently "concerned" but really disapproving. He's the type of person who is just inherently very judgemental. Of everyone. He's also a massive manchild who likes to play stupid, endless board games/computer games. I think these two things are related as a type of immaturity, to be honest.

Bibidy · 19/09/2019 11:19

YABU to say that 3 large glasses is not the same as downing a bottle. It is and makes you not ok to drive the next morning however clear headed you think you are.

It's the choice of the word 'downing' that's the issue here.

OP's DH has clearly chosen to use it to imply that her drinking was unreasonable last night, as opposed to just referencing that she had three glasses over the course of the evening.

Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 19/09/2019 11:19

You drank a whole bottle of wine in a couple of hours then? That's a lot.

BadLad · 19/09/2019 11:20

So for me there might be a question about what/who you love most. The wine or your husband?

Mumsnet at its finest.

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 11:22

badlad indeed! Obviously it’s the wine, what a silly question!

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 11:23

I don't drink at all but I'd definitely chose wine over sanctimonious, tutting people. Fuck that.

MarthasGinYard · 19/09/2019 11:23

I 'downed a bottle' during a meal by my own admission last Saturday. Not drank for a while so it gave me a sore head next day.Sad

That turn of phrase wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

icedgem85 · 19/09/2019 11:23

Well you did drink a whole bottle of wine with your dinner, so he's nearly right - but you didn't 'down' it. As long as you don't do it with every meal, what's the problem? Sure, it's a bit excessive, but whose business is that but yours. YANBU.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 19/09/2019 11:23

To be honest, if I drank a bottle of wine I would feel rough the next day. I could drink many more units 'worth' of Gin or Vodka and probably feel OK. I don't drink very much but at a celebration it's nice to let your hair down and enjoy yourself. He's being unreasonable (unless he was actually concerned and would have made bacon sandwiches if feeling delicate, in which case YADBU 🤣)

nowayhose · 19/09/2019 11:25

I'm confused OP, you wrote

''So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle''

and then you said
''So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’'

Ermmm........ you yourself said that the 3 large glasses were equivalent of a bottle, so yes, it IS the same as downing a bottle ( and over a meal means over quite a small space of time too)

Therefore YABU as you answered your own question. The drinking habits of your DH are a red herring and nothing to do with how much you drank at all.

NaviSprite · 19/09/2019 11:27

3 glasses of wine over the course of a meal isn’t that bad IMO - I’m generally a non-drinker but will go through similar if DH and I go out for a special occasion. As sensible posters have said, spaced out with a meal isn’t exactly downing it like a pint is it?

I think he made his dig at you to be an arse but I wouldn’t go too much further with it. If you’ve both apologised for your parts in your small argument the night before then I’d move on from it tbh

If the argument is still hanging over you both though then I’d at least have a conversation about it, say it’s a shame it ended the night on a sour note, keep to your guns on the point you were making but explain why now that neither of you are in the heat of the moment? That’s how DH and I try to do things anyway 😊

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/09/2019 11:27

Horehound
Why small minded and weird.

I have seen how people can lie to themselves over their alcohol consumption.

I have seen people say they only drink 1 or 2 glasses but the glasses they use are so big they pour out 1/2 a bottle into 1 glass.

Then the excuses of why they deserve to drink more, it’s a birthday party, it’s a party, it’s Christmas, it’s Saturday, I have had a hard day, week, it’s only one more glass.

Then years later wondered why their liver is packing in.

BertrandRussell · 19/09/2019 11:28

I think it’s the “downing a bottle” that’s irritated the OP. And it would irritate me too- it sounds very judgemental. “You OK? You had a bit more than usual last night!” or Are you feeling that 3rd glass?” something like that would be more usual wouldn't it?

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 11:28

noway nowhere have I disputed the total amount I drank, it’s the use of the word ‘downed’ I don’t like as to me it makes it sound like I’ve just stuck a straw in a bottle and drink it in 10 minutes. To me that’s what ‘downed’ in relation to drinking means, I can see it’s not the same for everyone though! And as stated in my op it’s just a long line of disapproving looks or sarcastic comments anytime I have a glass of wine, even if it’s just one or two rather than 3!

OP posts:
spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 11:29

Why would you even need that much?

Who said she NEEDED that much? Not OP!