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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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IamEarthymama · 19/09/2019 10:36

This thread has really tickled me!
You know when you are in a group and you can see people just bursting to get their opinion into the conversation, desperate for a gap? Never mind that the discussion has moved on, they are so convinced their opinion is important that they aren't listening, just waiting for that gap!
And away they go, ignoring the incredulous looks of other people!

OP I hope you are aware, as you have been told so it must be true that you are teetering on the very lip of a very slippery slope! You will find yourself having a sneaky G&T if you aren't careful! Or even a cocktail 🍹 Shock

I love red wine! It hates my arthritic joints though. I love how daft I feel after one glass, it really makes me merry. Nowadays I have cider or gin, I am going to a wedding at the weekend and plan to enjoy trying different options. Luckily my friends and my wife won't be pursing their lips and commenting about me swilling in drink.

Your husband is either resentful or righteous, have a word with him and explain that he's coming across as judgemental.

Over a glass of 🍷 of course!

spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 10:37

@Beesandcheese I think you and the OPs DH would get on like a house on fire.

Judgemental, condescending bores! I'd need more than a bottle to spend and evening in your company!

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 10:37

freeingnora yes I’ve already said that most weeks I only have a drink on a Saturday evening and nothing in between.

Dh has not been drinking now (or hardly at all anyway) for a good few years now. It’s not new.

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 19/09/2019 10:39

It's not going to kill you, having three glasses, neither will it kill anyone else so don't worry about what anyone says.

AussieBeauty · 19/09/2019 10:41

Three wines with a meal seems excessive to me. But my view is bias as I don't believe in drinking alcohol. So anything would seen that way to me.

If you want to drink that, go ahead you know your limits.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 19/09/2019 10:41

I wouldn't underestimate how tedious tiddly people are when you're sober though. The imbalance is a bit of an issue, for a 'couply' celebratory occasion.

Quite. I suspect that this is a factor in the contretemps last night, and the husband may very well have been a bit PA this morning.

LagunaBubbles · 19/09/2019 10:42

be utterly arseholed if I drank a whole bottle of wine
Being able to drink that much and not be pissed would suggest to me a fair bit of tolerance had been built up...and the drinking isn't as moderate as you think

That's what's so annoying about these threads, when people attribute everyone the same reaction as them to alcohol, not everyone would be "arseholed" after a bottle of wine and it doesnt mean they have a high tolerance level or am alcohol problem either. Hmm

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 10:43

God, yes, IamEarthy. Some of the comments are in the 'One time, at band camp . . . ' vein.

PuppyMonkey · 19/09/2019 10:44

My main observation is that if I'd have been you, I'd have ordered a whole bottle at the start as it would probably have been a lot cheaper. Grin

Drinking three glasses of wine on a celebratory night out? The horror. Grin

Next time your DH has a dig about you excessive drinking, just say: "Chin, chin darling" and don't respond to his nonsense.

Or choose something "naughty" he does that you can have a little dig about back to him

lazylinguist · 19/09/2019 10:50

It's perfectly clear (from the OP's subsequent posts about her dh often making remarks when she has a glass of wine) that this is a dig, not a joke or concern for her non-existent hangover. In fact the whole thing sounds like sour grapes on his part, since he had to give up drinking because he got hangovers so easily.

Yes, 3 large glasses is quite a lot, but it was a special occasion. There is no indication that the OP has an alcohol problem, simply that her dh doesn't really like her to drink at all. And that's his problem, not hers.

DontFeedTheCatCake · 19/09/2019 10:51

Down something just means to consume it though. As in 'get some food down you and you'll feel better' or 'get a hot drink down you and you'll soon warm up'. It's not necessarily a negative word.

Andysbestadventure · 19/09/2019 10:51

OP an entire bottle of wine to one person with a meal is a lot. That is around 6 proper wine glasses. Not 'three large ones'.

Why would you even need that much? I wouldn't drink three giant glasses of water with a meal, or coke, or lime and soda.

You've come on to make yourself feel better about it, but no, that is not a normal anount to drink.

1Wanda1 · 19/09/2019 10:51

You drank a whole bottle on your own during the meal.

Your DH noted that you consumed a whole bottle on your own during the meal.

You take exception to the language he used to note that fact.

Would it make a difference if he had asked how you felt after "enjoying" a whole bottle instead of "downing" it?

Speaking as someone who is also well able to enjoy a whole bottle but mindful that that is not healthy behaviour, I think the fact that you are so offended by his comment and the way it was put, is indicative that you feel sensitive about the amount you drink because you know it is too much.

Inebriati · 19/09/2019 10:51

Is a bit arseholey to be judgemental because he cut down on his drinking.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 19/09/2019 10:53

That comment would annoy me too! I'm in a similar position, wine-lover with a partner who rarely drinks. If he ever raises an eyebrow I smile sweetly and order another. I know what alcoholism looks like, and enjoying a few glasses of wine on a special occasion ain't it!

lazylinguist · 19/09/2019 10:54

FWIW I am generally a very moderate drinker (rarely more than 3 or 4 units a week), but on the rare occasions I do push the boat out, I can drink a bottle of wine and not have a hangover. I just don't really get hangovers (unless I drink a lot more than a bottle and mix my drinks, as I often did in my youth!).

PuppyMonkey · 19/09/2019 10:55

Why would you even need that much?

Lol at this thread.

Bibidy · 19/09/2019 10:57

Sounds like he just doesn't really like you drinking now you've given up. He's become a bit holier than thou.

lazylinguist · 19/09/2019 10:58

Down something just means to consume it though. As in 'get some food down you and you'll feel better' or 'get a hot drink down you

No it doesn't. You're not using the verb 'to down' in either of those examples. 'Get something down you' tends to mean 'consume in order to make you feel better', as in both the examples you used. Whereas everybody knows perfectly well that 'to down a drink' means to drink it very quickly, often all in one go.

Winesalot · 19/09/2019 11:00

Hi OP. Happy Anniversary. You are absolutely right that drinking three glasses of wine over the course of a long meal is not the same as glugging three in quick succession. Of course, quite a bit of that first glass should have been metabolised by the end of the last glass after 2.5 hours, so it is not like you should have had three glasses in your system at the end is it?

Horehound · 19/09/2019 11:00

3 large glasses doesn’t sound too much but if you had said a bottle then it sounds huge.

Whilst you say you only drink 1 or 2 glasses of wine at any one time I think you need to look at how big those glasses are.
Otherwise I think you are kidding yourself.

Haha hahaha GrinGrin
There's a lot of really small minded people on this thread. It's really weird.

MadeleineMaxwell · 19/09/2019 11:01

Why would you even need that much?

Because she's an adult without an alcohol problem and she fucking wanted to.

Seeingadistance · 19/09/2019 11:02

I am finding it quite entertaining that so many are taking the line that the OP’s DH is the one who’s being unreasonable/judgemental/sanctimonious about her drinking on the basis that this was a “special occasion”.

The special occasion was their wedding anniversary! What a fun night for him, watching his DW working her way through a bottle of wine, the picking a fight with him!

But hey! It was a celebration!

Beesandcheese · 19/09/2019 11:05

spanglydangly oh dear. I don't give a shit about being interesting to anyone too far gone to notice the glazed expression they induce.

Drabarni · 19/09/2019 11:08

It would be nearly a full bottle though and the meal couldn't have been that long.
That's a lot for me, I'd have had one drink, but I rarely drink.
For someone used to drinking that would be normal, it's relative.