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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Loopytiles · 20/09/2019 08:59

OP hasn’t been back to state the size of the measures.

If each glass was 250ml then three would be a bottle, 9.6 units.

If each was 175ml three would be around 7 units. Still technically a “binge”.

PurpleDaisies · 20/09/2019 08:59

OP hasn’t been back to state the size of the measures

She said it in the very first post!

Loopytiles · 20/09/2019 09:01

She implies 250ml, yes.

PurpleDaisies · 20/09/2019 09:01

So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle

Here it is.

AmIThough · 20/09/2019 09:07

Can we just acknowledge that OP knows she drank a bottle of wine and her grievance was not with DH saying she'd drunk a bottle of wine, it was him saying she'd downed it. Implying she'd necked it - drank the whole bottle at once.

She doesn't disagree that a bottle is a lot and she has said she will normally drink two glasses, a couple of times a week.

She was only asking about the way DH had verbalised it. She didn't need us to decide whether she has a drink problem.

NoSauce · 20/09/2019 09:10

We weren’t there to see what effect a bottle of wine had on the OP. The H was.

BackToTheOIdHouse · 20/09/2019 09:10

if you can’t see that’s a whole bottle in one go is excessive, then perhaps you should step back and stop patronising those that are right

And perhaps you should stop being so condescending to those with a differing opinion (including the medical profession, incidentally. They don't think you're 'right').

A whole bottle of wine to oneself very occasionally does no harm, excessive or not. Just like a whole bag of kettle chips or tub of ice cream very occasionally does no harm. You're not going to become obese because you have a tub of Ben & Jerry's to yourself once every six months and maybe, a couple of scoops every other Friday night. Just like you're not alcohol dependent/are in need of a liver function test Hmm because you had a bottle of wine on your anniversary and maybe a glass or two some weekends.

Stop being so flipping melodramatic.

BillieEilish · 20/09/2019 09:15

AmIThough at last, sense. I wanted to say this but was too tired last night.

I did try to say it upthread. OP also didn't ask everyone to chip in with what they drank.

Some people seem rather overinvested in saying OP has a drink problem, which is totally ridiculous and probably insulting for those who DO have a drink problem.

The thread was funny but certain posters banging on about OP having a drink problem are completely derailing it.

woodchuck99 · 20/09/2019 09:30

We have the OP's version of how much she drinks and we have no idea how that amount of alcohol affects her in practice. Lots of alcohol-dependent people wouldn't accurately assess their own intake.

The same could be said about you or anyone though. I have met many alcoholics as part of my job and it would be far more common for them to pretend that they don't drink anything and to be apparently very disapproving of alcohol. Based on your comments, you are more likely to be an alcoholic than OP.

spanglydangly · 20/09/2019 09:31

@MyOtherProfile I think you've misread the OPs first post, she uses the word SOMETIMES, not ALWAYS!

NoSauce · 20/09/2019 09:32

I don’t know whether the OP has a drink problem. I can only go off what she’s said here. Her husbands phrase of downing a bottle of wine and the fact they’d argued is telling though. He was there let’s not forget and none of us know the OP.

So nobody on this thread knows anything.

Jellybeansincognito · 20/09/2019 09:38

Well, we know a bottle of wine in one go is excessive @NoSauce

And that it’s not justifiable because it’s a one off/ special occasion and it’s still excessive no matter how often it is drunk.

woodchuck99 · 20/09/2019 09:39

I don’t know whether the OP has a drink problem. I can only go off what she’s said here. Her husbands phrase of downing a bottle of wine and the fact they’d argued is telling though. He was there let’s not forget and none of us know the OP.

He will be biased though because he wants to blame her for the argument.

NoSauce · 20/09/2019 09:40

He may be biased or he may have been correct.

We don’t know.

woodchuck99 · 20/09/2019 09:41

And that it’s not justifiable because it’s a one off/ special occasion and it’s still excessive no matter how often it is drunk.

You could say the same about a tub of icecream but you probably wouldn't assume that person had and problem if they said they did it very occasionally and go on about it as you have done on here.

BillieEilish · 20/09/2019 09:43

OFFS, I give up.

Hope you're ok OP and resolved things with your DH, as I said, mine is teetotal and I always get 'the stare' if I have a glass of wine. He is very controlling.

The exact sort of thing he would say.

woodchuck99 · 20/09/2019 09:44

He may be biased or he may have been correct.

Correct about what?

BillieEilish · 20/09/2019 09:45

on and on and on and on...

notacooldad · 20/09/2019 09:46

Can we just acknowledge that OP knows she drank a bottle of wine and her grievance was not with DH saying she'd drunk a bottle of wine, it was him saying she'd downed it. Implying she'd necked it - drank the whole bottle at once.
But she did. No one else had any and there wasn't any left for the next evening, so she downed a bottle of wine herself over a meal. 🙅‍♀️

Jellybeansincognito · 20/09/2019 09:47

@woodchuck99 of course it’s a problem to be sinking a whole tub in one go. It’s not good, doing that once would be enough to not be bothered about doing it again too.

At least nobody would be getting aggressively offensive about their ice cream eating though.

It shouldn’t be socially acceptable to do either.

littleduckeggblue · 20/09/2019 09:47

But you did drink a bottle of wine? Hmm only because he used the word "downed"
To me that's very excessive. I'm like your husband when it comes to alcohol so I can understand why he used that terminology

woodchuck99 · 20/09/2019 09:54

At least nobody would be getting aggressively offensive about their ice cream eating though.

They wouldn't get idiots suggesting that they had a problem if they only did it once a year and they certainly wouldn't be suggesting liver function tests despite that fact that it would probably do more harm to the liver than a bottle of wine.

It shouldn’t be socially acceptable to do either.

So you think it should be socially unacceptable to eat a lot of ice cream too. You have serious issues. I bet that you have or have had issues with food haven't you?

NoSauce · 20/09/2019 09:58

Correct about what

That the OP being drunk caused the argument Hmm

TDogsInHats · 20/09/2019 09:59

Belated happy anniversary op. Your DH used the wrong word. You said that you're annoying. Well, I'm saying that your DH is annoying, just by reason of him niggling at you when you drink alcohol.
We went to a local (walkable) party recently. I rarely drink but had a wine spritzer, I was busy talking for about 15 minutes so I picked up my wine glass and gulped down two mouthfuls.
DH (who definitely has alcohol dependence) said ooh slow down. It cheesed me off mightily..my throat was dry after all the talking and no liquid.
I'm still annoyed just thinking about it!
I rarely mention his drinking, I have alcohol perhaps once per month and usually only one or two measures.
There, I got that off my chestGrin

Yanbu op, your DH is annoying.

TDogsInHats · 20/09/2019 10:01

Oh and my DH had poured the drink for me, so knew it was a spritzer. But even if it had been neat gin he still had no right to say slow.