To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

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Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

@Amibeingsensitive so OP should never be able to enjoy a nice glass of wine with a meal in a restaurant just because he doesn't drink? Quite a leap to get to that meaning she is bored with her life/DH. Is it so hard to understand some people enjoy the taste of wine with dinner?

OP sounds like me, I know that restaurant wine servings are large and that I really need to stick to 2 but sometimes when having a nice fancy dinner out you just want to go for the 3rd one even though you know it is probably too much. It also doesn't mean that I am underestimating my intake at home, I know my home glasses are far smaller than a restaurant based on how much is gone from the bottle!

This thread is hilarious. People are projecting their own issues onto this rather innocuous situation. Yes, its binge drinking but so what? By the OPs account it's not a regular thing so who cares?

Isnt something like more than 2 pints of beer also technically classed as binge drinking? That and the arbitrary guidelines are pretty meaningless really. Have people become so lacking in critical thinking that they can't see that a bottle of wine in one sitting on occasion is extremely unlikely to cause any damage, just because the government says so? Even if it was every friday night, it's still more than likely completely fine, healthwise.

@FromEden this is MN. If you have a glass of sherry on Christmas Day you probably have a drink problem, because you can't stand the whole day with your family without a little tipple

I would consider that to be rather excessive. He asked how your head was after drinking a lot of alcohol, how is that anything other than considerate? Sorry but I think you're being over sensitive and possibly paranoid that he thinks you have a drinking problem? It doesn't sound like you do as it's only when you go out for dinner which I'm assuming isn't every night lol, but just what it sounds like might be thinking.
Relax OP, he was being considerate

Sorry I just re-read and saw you have it at home not out (mid night feed🤣) and 1-2 glasses a week. More than some but also less than some, doesn't sound like a drinking problem which I think maybe is what you actually want re-assurance on. But 3 glasses in one night sitting is a lot, he just wanted to check you're feeling okay after!

YABU

You did down a bottle and he was checking you were ok.

spanglydangly thanks but I had already corrected myself about the units per bottle. In a normal week she is drinking about 3 to 6 units on a Friday and 10 on a Saturday, plus extra on a week with any extra night out like this one. So regularly she is on 13 to 16 units a week plus any extra night out. This particular week it would have been 23 to 26 I guess. Personally I don't care how much she drinks but clearly it's at the top end or higher than guidelines recommend and clearly her dh is worried. So it is worth looking at.

Lots of people seem to be under the impression that unless you're drinking to excess every night you don't have an alcohol dependency issue. It's a problem if it's causing problems for you regardless. (It's a fairly huge carcinogen too, but we'll ignore that for now).

I'm not saying you do have a problem, but I do think that people shouldn't be saying you categorically don't either. We don't have the information. So it could be that your husband is a controlling git, but it could also be that every weekend and at every other opportunity you turn into an uncouth and embarrassing lout that he doesn't want to be around and that is a problem for your relationship if nothing else. So, if that is the case, the question is, what matters more to you- your drinking or your relationship? Could you compromise and have some alcohol-free weekends? If you'd be unable to do that, to me it does point to dependency.

Also, the 14 units a week guideline says to spread them over a week rather than 1-2 days.

You drank a bottle of wine and had a fall out. In my experience, heavy drinking makes people irritating and aggressive. I’m with your DH.

You drank a whole bottle of wine over one meal. Why are you now offended by the statement that you drank a whole bottle of wine? You did! And yes, that is excessive. In what world is drinking a whole bottle of wine over a meal not excessive. People's perception is warped. A bottle was designed for about 6 glasses. The glasses have become extraordinarily large but people still think in terms if how many glasses. A whole bottle fit an average sized woman is ridiculous.

We don't have the information

We do. OP has given details of what she drinks in a week several times on this thread. A couple of glasses a wine over a weekend - and not even every weekend - doesn't scream alcohol dependency to me. Neither does having three glasses over dinner on a special occasion.

this is MN. If you have a glass of sherry on Christmas Day you probably have a drink problem, because you can't stand the whole day with your family without a little tipple

Rubbish. This thread alone proves how wrong you are. There’s no getting away from the fact the OP drank a bottle of wine in one go.

We do. OP has given details of what she drinks in a week several times on this thread. A couple of glasses a wine over a weekend - and not even every weekend - doesn't scream alcohol dependency to me. Neither does having three glasses over dinner on a special occasion.

We have the OP's version of how much she drinks and we have no idea how that amount of alcohol affects her in practice. Lots of alcohol-dependent people wouldn't accurately assess their own intake.

I agree @doublesheesh the perception on alcohol intake is indeed, very warped.

The offence taken is astounding too. It says a lot.

@ALoadOfTwaddle why would anyone just assume somebody who says they drink 3 or 4 glasses of wine a week is lying about their intake, though? And if they did have a problem and were simply in denial, why would they post on MN about drinking three glasses of wine? That suggests to me that it's an unusual occurrence.

The offence taken is astounding too. It says a lot

The way that some on MN create a massive drama over the tiniest thing (three glasses of wine = alcoholic, get thee to a GP!) says a LOT to me.

You don’t have to be an alcoholic for alcohol to be an issue @BackToTheOIdHouse

There seems to be no middle variant and it seems to be oh a bottle of wine in one go is fine, you’re not an alcoholic, it’s fine.

It’s warped.

It seems he’s insinuating that your argument was your fault because of the wine. 3 glasses on a special occasion, meh. Normal.

@NoSauce yes and with no context it seems extreme but I do think it's fairly easy to get through a 3rd glass if you're a bit tiddly after the first two.

The thread has been derailed by people tutting at the OP for drinking a couple of glasses on a Friday night.

@Jellybeansincognito warped in your opinion.

Drinking three glasses of wine (even if that does add up to - gasp! - a whole bottle) once in a blue moon is not a cause for concern. Neither is drinking well within guidelines of 14 units a week on a weekly basis. Ask your GP if you need further advice seeing as wasting GP's time seems to be encouraged here.

It's also not evidence of dependency or an 'issue', just as, say, taking cocodamol once or twice a week isn't evidence of opioid addiction.

Drinking a bottle of wine a few times a week might be. Drinking enough wine on Friday AND Saturday nights to get you drunk might be (and don't forget, OP has said she doesn't drink every weekend). OP is doing neither of these things.

A bottle of wine in one go, very occasionally, is fine for some people. You don't like the idea, fine, don't do it. But don't judge those who do. Faux concern and superiority is not a good look.

Drinking a whole bottle of wine over 2 1/2 hours is a lot.

This.

Sounds like a one off . Next time I’d order an expresso martini to round my meal off .

Well if three glasses is the whole bottle you did down a bottle. Whether or not you had it with food you still had it. The whole bottle went into your system.

The whole bottle went into your system.

That doesn't mean she 'downed' a bottle, which usually implies chugging it down in an extremely short space or time, not 2.5 hours. Like downing a whole pint in one go.

Yes, she drank a bottle.
No, she did not down it.

@BackToTheOIdHouse if you can’t see that’s a whole bottle in one go is excessive, then perhaps you should step back and stop patronising those that are right.

Everyone keeps saying 'only 3 glasses'. Change that to 'a whole bottle' and it sounds less acceptable and a lot more accurate. Glasses vary in size and people still think a glass is not a lot but a traditional wine glass is less than HALF of a modern wine balloon. Bottles are consistent in size. Most people think a bottle is way more than 3 piddly little glasses.