To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

[Musicalstatues]

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

House! Greedy people! The food police have arrived (passes out popcorn).

Ah, that's lovely timshel well done!

*I don't know. I'm coming at this with the baggage of having been married to an alcoholic so take from this what you will. But I'd fucking hate to be out for a meal with someone who drank large 3 glasses of wine if I wasn't drinking a similar amount. Odds are you turned into totally shit company for him. It's horrible and extremely hurtful when your partner does that on a regular basis. And I know you'll say it's not a regular basis but both weekend nights absolutely is a regular basis. Every special occasion is a regular basis. You put your desire for alcohol above his desire to be with you and have you want to be with just him without needing to be in an altered state on a night that's supposed to mark your choice to be together. It just fucking sucks the joy out of every occasion because it shows up just how very, very, very much you aren't enough for the person who is enough for you.

And out of the marriage, yes I can see that none of it was personal. It was he himself who was not enough for him. He couldn't relax in his own skin and that was not a reflection of my worth as a person. But it certainly felt that way in the fog of a toxic relationship. It doesn't really matter if it's under the upper health limit or not, you are actually having to get a little drunk every weekend and every special occasion and that's potentially utterly soul destroying for other people to live with. So fuck what might be societally normal. If it's an issue in your marriage that's more relevant.

Maybe your husband is being a controlling arse, I don't know. But maybe he's also really fucking up in telling you that your drinking bothers him a lot. I'd suggest letting the dust settle on this argument and broaching the topic with him with an open mind to how he is really feeling. He might admit to being an arse in this instance but he might end up telling you that he has genuine issues with this aspect of your relationship.*

@Jellybeansincognito the most sweary thread on here, time you mentioned it to this poster....

Oh, yes, everyone who disagrees has had a nerve touched. Are they jealous, too? I don't miss drinking at all but I really don't see the angst over someone imbibing 3 glasses of wine over a 2.5 hour meal. Meh.

what spangly said

@Jellybeansincognito

Go on then! Throw some examples at me of me talking shit and being goady.

Every post you have written on this thread. Load of goady parp. Everyone can see it, except you.

HTH

@hiphopchick agreed! I do hope she "tells off" the other sweary post!

Drinking 3 glasses of wine is definitely 'downing a whole bottle'. Doesn't mean it isn't fun every so often.

3 large glasses is a bottle and the reason you were irritated by your DH comment is that you know that’s a lot to drink and don’t want to face up to ig

My own issues? I don’t have any alcohol issues, I thought that would be pretty clear by the fact I don’t condone drinking a whole bottle in one go?

You may think I’m being goady etc but at least I’m not retorting to being unpleasant.

I don’t care about general sweary posts- I do when they’re relating to me however.

Who am I telling off?

Shegrowshorns - surely the point of drinking is to make others seem less boring

I've been reading this on and off all day. Just home from village bingo night at local pub. Most of us adults were drinking (on a school night ). Had kids with us. 2-3 glass of wine each then home, great night. No fuss.
But probably MN alcoholics though 🤷🏼‍♀️
You're fine OP. My DH can be the same if I drink more than him. Ignore!

Peace, love and sister solidarity ✌️

But it was her husband's anniversary too and he was probably getting less and less enjoyment out of the evening with every glass. I have been in this exact same situation many many times, pretty much to the letter - anniversary, I drank, tiff ensued followed in the morning by passive agressive passing of comments. I quit in the end because my marriage was suffering as he didn't drink very much at all (2 halves a week). It was boring at first but worth it overall. He never forced me to give up and I'm not suggesting OP does or anything, it's just my experience from both sides. I now can't be doing with drunk, even tipsy people any more. Would never be a spoilsport by letting anyone know, but it doesn't half get on my nerves.

+3 large glasses is a bottle and the reason you were irritated by your DH comment is that you know that’s a lot to drink and don’t want to face up to ig*

I don't agree.

I think OP was irrated because he doesn't drink so doesn't like her drinking. Which is controlling. I don"t think he is worried about OP health.

Unless she is pissed all the time and he feels like she has a problem.

I don't think OP is pissed all the time.

That's a lot of alcohol to consume every week to be honest, I have experience with family members who have issues with alcohol. Mybe you need to evaluate how much you drink a week it's not healthy

Drinking's one of those things where you both have to be doing it I think. At least a bit. One drunk and the other sober is irritating for both people. The drunk person feels like the sober person's pissing on their chips, and the sober person thinks the drunk person is gradually losing the plot!

@Amibeingsensitive what's a lot of alcohol to consume each week? Who needs to evaluate their drinking?

What do people do about driving if you go out? Do neither of you drink if you’re going in the car?

The op needs to evaluate their drinking, it's a lot each week

@Amibeingsensitive what is she drinking each week that's a lot

I think I’m a bit annoying when I’ve been drinking and I’m quite negative for a few days after. My DH is a no -drinker so I tend not to too much.

@BertrandRussell Uber is the way forward!

If I'm driving my Husband has a drink and I drink soft drinks.

Amibeingsensitive it must be hard if you've had alcohol issues in your family. I have too but please don't tell OP to evaluate her drinking.