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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:

Thread gallery

billy1966 · 19/09/2019 16:29

3 glasses of wine over a 2.5 hour celebratory meal does not seem excessive to me.

2.5 hours is a considerable amount of time.

The meal would have provided soakage.

Unless the OP is lightweight (which I'm not suggesting for a minute🤣) I think her 3 glasses wouldn't have left her anything other than a bit mellow.

Mammyloveswine · 19/09/2019 16:31

Op this would be piss me off.

I'm currently having a break from wine but usually drink similar to you.

It became a habit to drink most nights and one glass turned into 2, often turned into 3 (yes the full bottle). It was my grown up break from the kids. I recognised I was drinking too much and so I'm having a complete break for the next month. I've also been running/working out too as I'd put weight on.

You seem sensible and know you're not regularly drinking to excess. I suspect, like me, you COULD fall into the habit of drinking more but also recognise what a healthy relationship with alcohol is and are generally pretty sensible. You enjoy wine as a grown up drink, not to get drunk.

Your husband sounds very disapproving which would irritate me if he comments every time you have a drink. I had an ex like this who commented when I even had one glass of wine with a meal! Made out like I was a total alcy!

Bookworm4 · 19/09/2019 16:36

Drinking a whole bottle of wine over 2 1/2 hours is a lot.
Really? Bet pubs love you lot, sitting nursing one drink for 3 hours 🙄

Captaindobbin · 19/09/2019 16:41

So many people are being deliberately obtuse about the connotations of the word downing with regards to alcohol. Of course he was being passive aggressive.

Sugartits27 · 19/09/2019 16:41

He's trying to suggest that you were more to blame for the mini row than him because you were drunk. Sober superior him couldn't possibly be to blame.

FWIW I regularly used to drink a bottle a night 3-4 times a week. A bottle of wine to me is not that much in terms of volume. It's literally 3 glasses! But in units it was getting too much and I realised it was a health issue so I've massively cut back. I don't think drinking a bottle of wine with a meal once in a blue moon is anything to get worked up about at all. But you'll get plenty on here wanting to check you in to AA.

Ringdonna · 19/09/2019 16:44

Blimey I am On half a bottle if wine and half a bottle of vodka every night.

ELM8 · 19/09/2019 16:55

AIBU that the only thing that irks me is that you didn’t just buy a bottle instead of 3 large glasses ?
Cheaper. And you mean it.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

YANBU.

Jellybeansincognito · 19/09/2019 17:02

Why are people comparing this to a level of getting drunk?
Drunk or not, a bottle to yourself is excessive

alexdgr8 · 19/09/2019 17:24

perhaps since he rarely drinks, he is now more aware of the potential dangers of alcohol consumption.
apparently the respectable middle-class, middle-aged are a group that doctors have warned are drinking more than they realise.
GPs say that people generally underestimate how much alcohol they drink. it's not deceitful, it's simply inaccurate. so a problem can build up unawares.
perhaps you could go to GP with your husband for a check-up, discuss his concerns and ask for liver-function etc blood test.
after all, though you can indeed do as you like being an adult, you have chosen get married and have children, so you cannot just live for yourself. how you live deeply affects the other members of your family, esp children.
I am not meaning to be judgemental, but sometimes we all miss the wood for the trees.
isn't it better to take a wide margin, err on the safe side.
believe you husband loves you, cares for you, and wants to see you in the best of health, so as to enjoy your life, and your family life together. good luck.

Blue7 · 19/09/2019 17:31

The posters who think it is excessive, do you socialise much?

If you do I don't understand why you are so shocked. I can understand why you wouldn't want to drink but surely you know people who enjoy the odd night of letting their hair down and possibly over indulging.

Or are just sat there with your perfect bmi sipping herbal tea judging the rest of us?

I know about alcohol units etc

PurpleDaisies · 19/09/2019 17:32

Or are just sat there with your perfect bmi sipping herbal tea judging the rest of us?

You can still have a drink and have a “perfect bmi”. I don’t know what that’s got to do with anything.

Blue7 · 19/09/2019 17:37

I meant because some of the non drinkers will be unhealthy in other ways. I drink and have the perfect bmi

iklboo · 19/09/2019 17:41

2.5 hours is 150 minutes. So OP was taking almost a hour per glass (50mins). Hardly golloping like it's going out of fashion.

stayathomer · 19/09/2019 17:49

What a catty thread!!! A bottle to yourself is a lot, of course it is, but everyone does it the odd time. You were both probably picking at each other and he said it to turn the argument onto you.

NoSauce · 19/09/2019 17:53

God so many defensive posters on this thread. Obviously touched a nerve.

Really? Bet pubs love you lot, sitting nursing one drink for 3 hours

Bollocks. I can drink quite a bit if I’m in the mood, I just don’t go into denial about how much I’ve drank.

Jellybeansincognito · 19/09/2019 18:04

Exactly @NoSauce

DoctorAllcome · 19/09/2019 18:05

I would agree 3 large glasses/1 bottle to yourself for a special occasion is ok. But you’ve said you do this every Saturday night.

Then every Friday, you have said you have two large glasses wine.

So pretty much every nonwork evening you are consuming most of a bottle of wine to an entire bottle of wine by yourself.

I’m sorry but this is a lot of alcohol. You can be angry with your DH, but I think it’s a case of you not being able to handle the truth. Your drinking every nonwork evening...really the only time a couple with kids even has time to spend together...is affecting your relationship & marriage.

I am sure he is sick of being the sober one on your nights off. If any home accident happens or if you have teens that need to be “rescued” he is on call every night because you’re never fit to drive. Gets a bit old.

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 18:14

God so many defensive posters on this thread. Obviously touched a nerve.

More than a few of us who found nothing wrong with the OP's alcohol consumption have also stated we do not drink at all.

I am sure he is sick of being the sober one on your nights off. If any home accident happens or if you have teens that need to be “rescued” he is on call every night because you’re never fit to drive. Gets a bit old.

Only if you're pissy, passive aggressive and angry about being teetotal. Personally it doesn't bother me at all because I'm quite happy being teetotal. Alcohol makes me sick and depresses me so I'd rather not. My H drinks maybe once a year as he does a lot of driving in his work and he's not bothered, either.

Original poster

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 18:17

doctorallcome that’s not what I said at all. Probably 7 out of 10 fridays I don’t drink anything which I said earlier. I was trying to give an honest average but for example this Saturday just gone I had one small glass at home. 2 glasses for me at home = about half a bottle. This weekend is ds birthday and we have lots of stuff planned, there will be no drinking involved. So I probably won’t have anything to drink all weekend and that’s fine. So considering I don’t drink most Fridays either it’s not nearly as much as you’re saying there. Yes I do have a drink just about every Saturday as a general rule. Is that particularly outrageous or unreasonable?

And dh doesn’t drink through his own choice, not because I’m lying paralytic in the floor every night and he has to be the sober one

OP posts:

FromEden · 19/09/2019 18:29

perhaps you could go to GP with your husband for a check-up, discuss his concerns and ask for liver-function etc blood test

Ffs. Seriously? It was 3 glasses of wine with a meal. Yes, get the woman off to the doctor, with her husband of course because he knows best. Is this the 19th century? Maybe he should have her committed to a rehab facility too?

Get a grip

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2019 18:37

I think the usual hysteria is creeping into this thread.

Op. You clearly aren't an alkie and don't need to go to the doctors for liver function tests, That might win hysteria of the year award, that one..🤣

But, you did do a bottle of wine over dinner. Dinner can take anything from an hour to a couple of hours, depends where you are. Is it downing it, well to be fair it's not that far off. Be a grown up. Just accept it and own your shit. Trying to pretend you were drinking moderately and your husband is out of line is all a bit silly.

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 18:43

perhaps you could go to GP with your husband for a check-up, discuss his concerns and ask for liver-function etc blood test

Are you fucking kidding me? People are waiting weeks for vital appointment and you think they should go and waste time with shite like this? No wonder there's a drive to start charging people for appointments, because of pisstakers (no pun intended) like this.

Lvsel · 19/09/2019 18:45

No it's not

Whatsername7 · 19/09/2019 18:47

It was a special occasion. One bottle of wine during the course of a meal. Pft. If it was every night, he might have a point. However, it was a one off, and you drank slightly more in one sitting than usual and drank on a Wednesday when usually you only drink on a Friday or Saturday. I really do not understand how the words 'excessive' can possibly be used seriously here. It is just ridiculous.

gamerchick · 19/09/2019 18:51

Unfortunately my husband and I have major drink problems......we are constantly driving our children here there and everywhere.....so are lucky if we get to enjoy a few drinks together one night a week. Major PITA

OP stop trying to defend yourself on here. Just enjoy your thread, it's really funny some of the stuff people come out with. I'm especially enjoying the go to the GP for a liver function test stuff.

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