To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

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Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

This thread is driving me to drink.

I have a lovely bottle of Barolo in my cupboard that I was saving for a special occasion to drink over a dinner but some of the replies to this have made me want to down it right now 🍷 cheers OP!! 😂

Quoting OP: Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle

Also quite fancy a nice glass of red now :)

She also said quite clearly she normally only drinks a couple of glasses Friday and Saturday. Home measures so we don't know what size

She said that she might have 2 glasses on a Friday (though not all the time) and then 3 on a Saturday if they go out for a meal. So 5 glasses in a week possibly.

If all 5 are large glasses then that's 18ish units a week which is more than the recommended amount for a woman. I guess the question for the op is how often is it that much and is it any more than that, so is there ever an odd mid week glass or a Sunday lunchtime glass on top of the 5 at the weekend?

I think we've all just got acclimatised to drinking so we don't really have a measure of it anymore - 5 glasses doesn't sound much but if you add up the units and then compare those to the recommended limits it's easy to see how much 5 glasses might really be.

RTFT, SOOOOO many people have answered the "but it is a bottle" point.

I was answering shearwater, who said that maybe it was just small glasses. OP herself said it was not, in the very first post.

my dad could have this over a meal and be fine.my mum not so much! o i think it depends.my dad is awine drinker and so can have a few glasses when he likes and i wouldnt notice him changing at all.and i know him when hes ben to the pub becasue he is a dick beer drunk.
its all relative to the person.and whether your dh is a sober no miserable one.or is actually notcing a difference you dont feel but are very much showing.
but for me,over a meal this doent seem much to argue over.nor having a few glasses of a weekend.

3 large glasses with a meal to me does seem like a lot but that's only because I have a low tolerance to alcohol and if I drank that I'd be wasted. I can imagine my dh making similar comments especially if he wasn't drinking the slightest thing and he'd be 'oh it's because you downed a bottle of wine!' Perhaps to him it does seem a lot if he doesn't really drink without realising your tolerance level is much higher.

As a one off I'd definitely say it's fine - you were enjoying yourself & it's only an extra glass on what you'd have normally.

Personally, I think 3 glasses is excessive.

I know what you mean and it’s completely obvious that there’s an implied criticism in there - as if you went out like a teenager with the sole purpose of getting shitfaced, wasted or wamkered, or whatever they call it these days. As opposed to enjoying several glasses of wine over the course of a leisurely meal out to celebrate a special occasion. You may have consumed a bottle of wine, but you didn’t ‘down’ it. And he obviously has some problem with it, or with the fact that you pulled him on whatever it was he said.

I’m not a huge drinker - don’t go out drinking, don’t drink every evening, don’t drink every weekend, don’t have to have a drink, ever, and can easily take it or leave it, but I could drink several large glasses of wine of an evening without getting drunk (although I do feel it the next day these days), and I’d take great offence at what he said. If he has a problem he should discuss that with you directly rather than making thinly veiled passive-aggressive judgy comments.

Next time you should drink two bottles and your husband sounds boring. Cheers!

I actually switched to drinking gin more often than wine- carefully measured. Easier to keep to ten units a week or less.

14 units a week is only a guide to moderate drinking. In other countries it differs vastly, and the fact they state that men can drink a third more is nonsense, it's how it affects the individual that counts.

If you are not an alcoholic and listen to your body, you can observe any effects yourself. Giving up alcohol vs moderate drinking has no positive effect on me at all. Moderate vs heavy drinking on the other hand = a big difference in immediate health effects.

As to long term effects, who knows? Something will kill you in the end.

OP's husband likes to be snippy about the fact she enjoys a drink = bloody annoying.

Husband then takes the opportunity to pontificate that a minor quibble was down to her enjoying a couple of glasses of wine with a meal = majorly fxxxing annoying.

OP, start arranging going out more with friends to enjoy some sociable company and tell him that he's a bore.

Lots of people don't drink alcohol and don't need to be a PITA about it.

I wouldn't be putting up with it.

Unfortunately my husband and I have major drink problems......we are constantly driving our children here there and everywhere.....so are lucky if we get to enjoy a few drinks together one night a week. Major PITA🙄

Can't say either way, OP, as we only have your side of the story. I'm sure not many alcoholics own up honestly to how much they drink, even to themselves. You may well be minimising.

Ask your DH, when you've both calmed down, whether he has an actual concern about your drinking or whether he was just talking a dig at you.

*taking not talking. Though having may have meant more sense.

I don't know. I'm coming at this with the baggage of having been married to an alcoholic so take from this what you will. But I'd fucking hate to be out for a meal with someone who drank large 3 glasses of wine if I wasn't drinking a similar amount. Odds are you turned into totally shit company for him. It's horrible and extremely hurtful when your partner does that on a regular basis. And I know you'll say it's not a regular basis but both weekend nights absolutely is a regular basis. Every special occasion is a regular basis. You put your desire for alcohol above his desire to be with you and have you want to be with just him without needing to be in an altered state on a night that's supposed to mark your choice to be together. It just fucking sucks the joy out of every occasion because it shows up just how very, very, very much you aren't enough for the person who is enough for you.

And out of the marriage, yes I can see that none of it was personal. It was he himself who was not enough for him. He couldn't relax in his own skin and that was not a reflection of my worth as a person. But it certainly felt that way in the fog of a toxic relationship. It doesn't really matter if it's under the upper health limit or not, you are actually having to get a little drunk every weekend and every special occasion and that's potentially utterly soul destroying for other people to live with. So fuck what might be societally normal. If it's an issue in your marriage that's more relevant.

Maybe your husband is being a controlling arse, I don't know. But maybe he's also really fucking up in telling you that your drinking bothers him a lot. I'd suggest letting the dust settle on this argument and broaching the topic with him with an open mind to how he is really feeling. He might admit to being an arse in this instance but he might end up telling you that he has genuine issues with this aspect of your relationship.

AIBU that the only thing that irks me is that you didn’t just buy a bottle instead of 3 large glasses ?
Cheaper. And you mean it.

@alittleprivacy you need help, your issues surrounding drink are way over the fucking top! I suggest some counselling, drinking is legal and part of a vast amount of adults socialising.

Some ridiculous posters here 🙄

OP's husband likes to be snippy about the fact she enjoys a drink = bloody annoying.Husband then takes the opportunity to pontificate that a minor quibble was down to her enjoying a couple of glasses of wine with a meal = majorly fxxxing annoying

I think you need to be a little more unbiased, there is some proper mimising going on there. She done a bottle not a couple of glasses. And yeah we can all be a bit belligerent after a bottle 🤣

I've done it myself, am not averse to it, but as said previously she should just own it, instead of arguing semantics over whether she downed it or not.

I honestly can't say that if I drank a bottle of wine in an hour and a half or so, and my husband asked me the next day how my head was as I'd downed a bottle of wine the night before, I'd be doing much more than nodding ruefully and popping nurofen. I certainly wouldn't be arguing I didn't down it. 🤣

I don’t think that leisurely drinking three glasses of wine with a meal on the odd occasion is excessive nor does it make you an alcoholic. The word ‘downing’ implies drinking fast and irresponsibly and I don’t think you are being unreasonable to be upset by that accusation.

You know what I hate? Trying to figure out units when there’s a very simple way to tell. I know it may be irrelevant this late in the thread, but since there’s been SO damn much argument over it: OP said she’ll have “a glass or two” on Friday. Then said she’ll have maybe “two and another” glasses on a Saturday. And everyone sits here arguing how many home units she’s drinking. Honestly, just answer this, OP and everyone who needs to ever be honest with themselves: how many empty wine bottles are in your recycling/ half-empty in your fridge or on your counter at the end of the weekend? That’s really it. If there are two empty bottles in the recycling, you’re drinking average a bottle a night and have a problem. If there’s an empty bottle and only half (or less) another bottle left, you’re on the edge, I would say. Don’t pull this shite of, “Well, I have a glass or two on Friday,” as if you have no direct knowledge. You know what’s in your recycler on a Sunday evening.

I have a relative who comes to stay and I love her dearly, but she does the same thing (“I have a glass or two with dinner”) and it’s the empty bottles in my recycling that tell the real story.

I think the moral of this thread is, don't walk past a pub on a school night lest you accidentally get a waft of the barmaid's apron, and in so doing bring the fire and brimstone of MN crashing down on your head.

I can't drink anymore and my husband hardly ever drinks as he works in the booze industry (where you either drink all the time or not at all) but the couple of times a year he has a tipple I like it! He gets all twinkly eyed and giggly, it's funny.
OP I think your husband has a problem moderating (otherwise he could have a little drink with you, and no hangover) and he resents the fact that you can still drink normally.