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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:
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8
Bigmango · 19/09/2019 13:54

White wine = lady petrol. I definitely get a bit for aggy after a couple of glasses of wine. It’s really strong and easy to drink, stronger than you think. Can you both just laugh it off?

BertrandRussell · 19/09/2019 13:57

“White wine = lady petrol”

Christ on a bike!!!

pigeononthegate · 19/09/2019 13:59

Well, I came in to say "unless you stood on your head and drank it upwards, then it is precisely like 'downing a bottle of wine'"...but after seeing the "lady petrol" comment, I think I'll just back slowly out again Shock

PurpleDaisies · 19/09/2019 14:00

White wine = lady petrol.

I think I need to bleach my eyes after reading that.

jennymanara · 19/09/2019 14:03

If you drunk a bottle of wine in an evening, then your drinking may have had more of an impact on your argument than you think.

sleepyhead · 19/09/2019 14:03

Depends.

If he's just nit picking for the sake of it then he's being an arse.

If he's a bit pissed off because you got a bit lairy and argumentative after a bottle of wine then he still should leave it but more understandable.

You likely do get a bit boring/annoying after 3 large glasses to someone whose sober tbh.

Yadid · 19/09/2019 14:03

WTF is lady petrol? Grin

Just when you think this place can't get any more batshit.......

spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 14:04

White wine = lady petrol. I definitely get a bit for aggy after a couple of glasses of wine. It’s really strong and easy to drink, stronger than you think. Can you both just laugh it off?

Lady petrol...... dear god!

Also the OP is a seasoned drinker, I think as an adult she knows how strong wine is!

Yadid · 19/09/2019 14:05

Btw, I had an ex like this OP. He absolutely loved belittling me on any occasion that presented itself. He's an ex.

It's fucking annoying.

BillieEilish · 19/09/2019 14:05

This thread has really cheered me up, I was feeling a bit blue.

OP didn't ask what or how much everyone else drank did she? But everyone told her. OP didn't say she was worried a tiny bit in her alcohol consumption, but everyone thought to give their opinion.

OP my DH is teetotal and watches every glass I drink and has done for 18 years and it GETS ON MY NERVES so much.

It ruins the enjoyment. If he wants to 'have a go' at me about something, he will use alcohol every.single.time.

It makes me want to drink more! He has a huge sweet tooth which I simply don't. Have I ever said to him anything about it? Not once.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 19/09/2019 14:06

The thing with wine is it's easy to drink quite a lot, without having to order a lot. So yeah it's only 3 glasses. But if you compare it to a spirit like vodka (which is one unit each whereas a bottle of wine is 9/10) you would have to be ordering a vodka every 15 minutes to keep up the same pace as you did in wine at the meal. That would raise a few eyebrows amongst most people and I imagine would leave most people quite tipsy.

Saying that though, I don't personally think there's anything wrong with indulging every now and then, and think DH WBU to make a big deal about it. Although I definitely would have a bit of a sore head in the morning!

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 14:08

White wine = lady petrol. I definitely get a bit for aggy after a couple of glasses of wine. It’s really strong

If you get 'aggy' after any drink it's best you don't drink at all. Some people can actually imbibe alcohol and never get 'aggy'. Some white wines are quite weak, Blue Nun, for example, LOL. MIL gave me a bottle a few years ago. It's still in the larder somewhere.

BertrandRussell · 19/09/2019 14:13

If you get “a bit for aggy” after t glasses of wine you should’t drink at all. And wine is not stronger than I think. What with me being an adult woman an’all...

sundowners · 19/09/2019 14:13

It is not excessive in the slightest!! I really don't think Mumsnet/ some of the very dull comments here represents the majority- I'm mid 30s and my female/male friendship group drink more than that.

EerieSilence · 19/09/2019 14:19

I don't drink at all but three glasses with a meal once a week wouldn't really bother me at all. Unless you have a boozy skeleton in the closet, your husband is a holier than thou twat.

billy1966 · 19/09/2019 14:20

OP, can't be arsed reading 14 pages but I think your husband is an arse because he now feels the need to comment on your drinking, which is moderate.

The minute some men cease to drink or smoke, some of them become extremely pass remarkable about people taking part.

I'm not a smoker and I don't like it, but I can't bare people whom lecture others the moment they've seen the light!

Gets on my tits.

Take control of this situation. Tell your husband, when you want his opinion on your alcohol intake you'll ask him for it.

Until then zip it. He's being an arse. Don't put up with it. Call him out every time.

Whatafackinliberty · 19/09/2019 14:22

This thread is peak puritan mumsnet. Hilarious.

Wiaa · 19/09/2019 14:23

I agree you did not "down" a bottle of wine but so what if you did?
I just don't get the people on here being all holier than thou about other people's choices. I too went out recently for my anniversary had 4pints and 2 large red wines over about 5hrs was up at 3am with my 3mth old and then up for the day at 630am no hangover no headache.
I'm obviously a raging alcoholic and a bad mumHmm

shearwater · 19/09/2019 14:24

It's not a lot to drink, especially for a special occasion meal.

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 19/09/2019 14:26

I can just imagine the look that would be shared if someone at uni shouted 'down it' to their friends when the taxis arrived for a night out, and someone then took 2.5hours to polish off their drink Grin

The word 'down' absolutely has a different meaning to 'drink', and in no way did Op 'down' anything. She drank a bottle of wine relatively quickly.

One sign of alcohol abuse is that it causes problems in personal relationships.

One sign that you're in a controlling relationship is being shamed and sniped at by your partner for engaging in a socially acceptable pastime just because they have chosen not to partake.

NoSauce · 19/09/2019 14:26

I don’t understand all these “it’s not a lot” posts.

One bottle of wine is a lot for one person to drink in a few hours Confused

Durgasarrow · 19/09/2019 14:27

You drank an entire bottle of wine by yourself on your anniversary. Maybe you were drunk to the point where you seemed vacant and as if you weren't relating to him. Haven't you ever been around people who were drunker than you? Haven't you noticed how they are lost in their own worlds? Whatever sensation they are feeling is intensified by alcohol. They are in the grip of strong emotions. Their judgment is lacking. They don't always remember what they did. Your partner may have felt lonely.

EerieSilence · 19/09/2019 14:29

@billy1966 - my ex was a sanctimonious idiot like that.
Had problems with digestion so he was first advised to limit fatty food. We once visited my Mum who served fried chicken. Not fatty because she would always put in on a tissue to get rid of the surface fat. He took a piece of a paper tissue and carefully patted his nice piece of fried chicken dry in front of my Mum.
Then he was advised to stop eating meat completely. He turned into the most unbearable moronic vegetarian who would have loud comments on me eating rotting animals in a restaurant.
I wonder why he was shocked when he became an ex.

sundowners · 19/09/2019 14:30

NoSauce- if they were small/medium sized glasses it wasn't (near to) a whole bottle anyway.

1 bottle over 2.5 hours with food is not in any way crazily excessive!! Especially for a special occasion meal! Downing a bottle a night would be, but near to/a bottle on 1 night of the week spread over several hours with food is not a problem.

Had no idea there were so many uptight, judgemental non drinkers out there- how dull.

spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 14:31

You drank an entire bottle of wine by yourself on your anniversary. Maybe you were drunk to the point where you seemed vacant and as if you weren't relating to him. Haven't you ever been around people who were drunker than you? Haven't you noticed how they are lost in their own worlds? Whatever sensation they are feeling is intensified by alcohol. They are in the grip of strong emotions. Their judgment is lacking. They don't always remember what they did. Your partner may have felt lonely.

Oh please! So she can't drink any more because her DH doesn't?

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