To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

[Musicalstatues]

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

Drinking the equivalent of a bottle of wine over 2.5 hours IS downing a bottle. That's a lot of alcohol over a short length of time.

Just saying, we have a very large alcohol consumption in Copenhagen (denmark), just don't complain if nobody gives a fuck if you canal kayak drunk and needs rescuing.

This thread could be a copy/paste from all the other 'my dh thinks I drink too much', just going a little worse now.

So op, you don't drink enough, your dh is controlling and you should LTB, you are probably not a good mum and for everyones sake you should just go NC.

It doesn't sound like you drink a lot. Pretty normal for most, but if you had a bottle of wine in the space of a couple of hours perhaps less, I can imagine you may have been slightly irritating or argumentative. People don't see it in themselves when they have a drink in them but attitudes change with alcohol. I find people extremely irritating when they are drinking and I'm not. I also know im probably pretty annoying when I'm drinking. For example, when my mum has a few drinks, she stops really listening to what you are saying and will is a bit nippy and can be argumentative.

I don't actually think that your question is about the alcohol; it's about the communication between you two. You feel that his comment was barbed, and there's a history of him doing that. Have you discussed that with him?

@Musicalstatues

In which case, it’s no one’s business how much you drink. Your choice. If your DH got annoyed with you ordering a third glass (and why not, if you enjoyed it) he needs to ask himself why it triggered him, and he needs to not transfer his shit onto your actions. Tell him to piss off and get a grip.

I could easily drink a bottle of wine with a meal and would not have any sort of hangover. DP and I just got back from Croatia where the restaurants sold local white wines by the litre. We easily got through two of those, one with dinner one at the bar after, and often a cocktail too, and still got up in the morning and enjoyed our days. Mnetters have a thimble of sherry at Christmas and anything else is excessive. If you don't drink much or not at all, how can you know what would be too much for someone else who does drink?

Yes it’s quite a lot but she’s not drinking that much all the time is she it was a special treat dinner. If dh said “no pudding for you darling looking abit porky” you would have got some different responses but same thing imo

I think you've massively overreacted coming to ask this 🤨

It’s a sad day in a relationship when one of them being “slightly irritating and argumentative” at their anniversary meal after a few glasses of wine is cause for the other to get all passive aggressive and judgmental.

I tend to think I’m a bit boring generally and more interesting after I’ve had a drink, maybe this is not true!!

If you take anything away from this thread, take away that it's not true. The first glass helps some people, purely because it loosens them up enough to actually speak. Someone who speaks is automatically more interesting than someone who is too shy to say anything.

After that though, it's all downhill. Confidence increases while current level of competence plummets.

A few glasses of wine a week does not make you a problem drinker.

It does, though, give your husband ammunition to go after you when he wants to feel superior or make you feel self-conscious.

I would be furious that he was undermining what was supposed to be a celebratory night out.

Sounds like a dick.

everyones sake you should just go NC.

With mumsnet? :D

A bottle of wine over 2.5 hours is a fair bit to drink, which is fine IMO as a one off e.g. say a wedding anniversary

I suspect OP that your husband is narked because he cannot drink. You get a weird perspective on what people are drinking under those circumstances. My mum's reaction to my dad's alcoholism is to think that drinking everyday is normal. My reaction is to be quite unsettled by people getting drunk - it's not how much they drink it's their behaviour. Some people can appear sober after 3 pints of beer, some people are stumbling drunks at that stage. it's the latter that bother me.

You may just have to accept that your husband has a weird attitude to alcohol. But "downing" IMO is drinking quickly, rather than "down in one" which is glugging from the bottle without pause until the bottle is empty. And a bottle of wine in 2.5 hours is quick. Again, as a one-off not a problem. But those posters saying it's fine and they do this every weekend - maybe pause for thought.

My DH is a recovering alcoholic and when he was drinking he would have "downed" a bottle or two or vodka a day. I "enjoy" and savour my Friday night G and T and wine with dinner Friday to Sunday on work weeks and every day when we are on holiday. A world of difference. If your DH is commenting on your drinking he can't be confident in his own sobriety - imo.

One sign of alcohol abuse is that it causes problems in personal relationships. Another sign is not having a clear sense of when you've had enough and ordering another drink anyway.

I'm not saying you are abusing it, but it bears watching.

@motheroftwoboys Can I ask, do you still drink in front of your husband?

Three standard glasses is only 2/3 of a bottle... Or about 8 units.

I think binge drinking is classed as 6 units in one "session".

If your husband is genuinely concerned about your drinking that's one thing, but making snarky comments about it seems off.

Having said that I think it's becoming more socially unacceptable in some circles to drink more than one or two, and people are seeing alcohol like any other drug.

I've certainly been more ill from alcohol than any other drug I've ever taken...

FFS, she had ONE bottle of wine.

I met a fella in A&E a few weeks ago who was drinking 3 bottles of vodka a day! (He was in A&E as he had decided to go cold turkey and was getting alcohol withdrawal symptoms). Now THAT''S a lot of alcohol.

Your DP was being a sanctimonious gombeen.
Jesus Christ, I've spilt more down my front on occasion..

BTW - Am I the only one who really just wants to know what the minor argument was?

Bloody hell. Didn't realise mumsnet was full of wine police.

No, I don't think that three glasses over a couple of hours on a rare celebratory meal is excessive.
And to the person that thinks two glasses on a Friday /Saturday night is an excessive amount in a week...er 14 units is the recommend amount and it clearly isn't anywhere near that.

Teddybear I find reading the whole original post makes for better replies. 3 glasses on Anniversary. Friday x2 and Saturday x2 plus maybe one at home is hardly ' chugging 3 bottles+ a week " it is hardly a problem when OP says she doesn't always do that anyway.

3 large glasses would see me under the table OP. Perhaps even though you aren't drunk, it's enough to change your personality

Jesus Christ, I've spilt more down my front on occasion

and me

I find MN alcohol threads hilarious. Almost as funny as the competitive undereating ones.

I think drinking a bottle of wine to yourself with a meal is a lot by most standards.
However it sounds like your husband just wanted to have a dig at you, which isn’t ok.

Is this a belittlement tactic from him?

I find MN alcohol threads hilarious. Almost as funny as the competitive undereating ones.

That's why they don't drink - unlined stomachs.

Well if the glasses were large 250 ml glasses then you did drink a bottle! But you hardly knocked it bAck in one.

I think the amount you drink in a week sounds fine. I probably drink less than this, i.e. I will have 1 or 2 small glasses of wine Fri -Sun but honestly, most people I know who actually drink alcohol on a regular basis drink far more than this.

I think though that if one person is a little bit tipsy and the other completely sober than the very small changes in behaviour are probably magnified.

Also - perhaps you just don't cope with alcohol very well and so a small amount makes you seem more drunk than another person would be from drinking the same amount. My DH and DS joke I'd get drunk sniffing a wine gum as I can get a bit giggly after one small glass.