To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

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Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

Speaking as someone who drinks very little, a bottle in 2 and a half hours sounds like a lot. But I think this is the problem. Your DH has cut back due to hangovers, so is probably a bit sensitive to you continuing to drink when you go out together. Especially if he then has become the 'designated driver'. Nothing wrong with that, but this might be behind his phrasing. Maybe you could be a bit more sensitive to him drinking less by not consuming a whole bottle to yourself next time? It was his anniversary too.

I’m tee total and I don’t think what you’re doing is a problem at all. I mean my oh drinks but he’s like 31 he can make his own bloody decisions as can you!

Loving that people are still saying it was all fine because it was a special occasion. It was a special occasion for both of them!

What’s your point @Seeingadistance? The reason people are mentioning it was a special occasion is to distinguish between having 3 large glasses of wine on a special occasion and doing so regularly, or to blot out sadness etc.

Her husband doesn’t drink. If he was so concerned about his wife spoiling his special occasion by getting tipsy he should have suggested a different type of celebration or had a clear discussion beforehand asking her if she would mind limiting her drinking because he found her hard to be with when she was drink and he was sober. Or mentioned it when she went to order the third glass. Not sent pass-ah texts the next day suggesting the goalposts had moved. They are a married couple who presumably talked at length about him going teetotal and the reasons for it- this would not be a difficult thing to discuss.

People who never go out, never drink, and never travel or do anything more adventurous than putting the bins out are also tedious to those of us who do. Different strokes, different folks I guess.

Well, this thread is escalating nicely. What next? A tangent about city-breaks in Copenhagen and kayaking?

3 large glasses is a bottle of wine. I think it's odd to drink a whole bottle by yourself. The alcohol probably fuelled the row. I dont drink anymore. My husband does and magically becomes a dickhead after pint number 4. If he drinks 4 pints then his argumentative side rears it head. It's annoying, when all you just want to do is enjoy a night out. In your case a meal.

I don’t drink much- but fuck me, this thread makes me want to go out any buy a bottle of wine to drink all by myself this evening.......!

Dear gods yes.

Maybe you could be a bit more sensitive to him drinking less by not consuming a whole bottle to yourself next time? It was his anniversary too.

Maybe he could open his mouth and say something if it bothers him, rather than make passive agressive snarky comments.

Some of the responses on heat are laugh out loud funny

OP if you can’t have a bottle of wine on your wedding anniversary when can you? Every single judgy mumsnetter has had something in excess at some point before so don’t even give their opinions a second thought. Also you know your husband and you know it was a dig rather than genuine concern - he’s being petty just rise above.

Hope you enjoyed your wine x

What next? A tangent about city-breaks in Copenhagen and kayaking?

Brilliant idea! Matching wines to activities. I think canal kayaking in a coldish climate calls for a nice crisp white, maybe a Chablis?

^ yeah!

Imagine going out with friends and drinking a whole bottle of wine to yourself whilst everyone else either sticks to soft drinks or joins you in a glass.

Op are you alright? The more I think about the scenario the more I’m wondering if you’re ok, like in yourself? Drinking a whole bottle of wine whilst in the company of someone who isn’t drinking is a bit odd, isn’t it?

@DickKerrLadies I can confirm that this is indeed the OP. We took this pic when she was at my house for lunch & we were having a toasted cheese sandwich because we never drink on an empty stomach. I didn't have wine that day. I prefer my home-made gin which I make in the bath tub. One bath tub a week is my limit though, just brought down a couple of buckets of it that day to keep her company

Ernest indeed! Team op. Also don’t drink in the week as the norm but enjoy wine with meals at the weekend or special occasion better get my sackcloth and ashes out

@MadeleineMaxwell

I’m not suggesting the OP is an alcoholic, I’m asking how she feels about her drinking. If she’s happy with it, she can tell her DP to piss off with his comments. But she’s on here looking for validation. Which suggests part of her may believe she has too much.

I knew it!

MadeleineMaxwell

Only if you donate a reasonable amount to the RNLI first. Water and intoxicating substances don't mix.

As you can tell by my username, I am massively against OPs behaviour.

I am also 7 months pregnant and would give my right arm to be able to neck a bottle of red this evening.

it’s quite a shame you view people who don’t drink in excess not fun, so boring is what you’re saying?

Nope that isn't what I'm saying, just the preachy annoying ones HTH

Loving that people are still saying it was all fine because it was a special occasion. It was a special occasion for both of them!

“What’s your point @Seeingadistance? The reason people are mentioning it was a special occasion is to distinguish between having 3 large glasses of wine on a special occasion and doing so regularly, or to blot out sadness etc. “

Oh, I’m just enjoying the irony of the special occasion being their wedding anniversary.

Found out the size of the bottle. This is why OP was offended.

People who never go out, never drink, and never travel or do anything more adventurous than putting the bins out are also tedious to those of us who do.

Also possibly just skint

3 glasses of wine on a meal night out is not excessive to me.

Yes, verbs like downing, glugging, sculling and expressions like grabbing the bottle with both hands and climbing in are judgemental and derogatory.

I doubt your third glass emptied the bottle, actually, especially in a restaurant! If it did, it would count as a 'binge', even if spread over an evening out and three courses.

If your OH is concerned that you are drinking too much, he could easily express that in respectful language.

You're hardly likely to engage positively when spoken to like that! What does he hope to achieve, I wonder?

Have a good hard honest look at government guidelines for women and see where you got. Then you can decide what, if anything you need to do. Be wary of advice from your GP; traditionally their measure of too much is 'more than I drink' which varies far too much!

DH owes you an apology for speaking in those disparaging terms, I think.

See where you fit. Autocorrect madness.

3 glasses for a special meal isn't excessive. You enjoyed your dinner and that should have been it.
I don't drink at all but unless you drink like that every day I wouldn't worry. I feel as adults we should chill and let others decide what they eat or drink.
I'll only worry if it was detrimental to health. Then I'll say something out of concern not judgment.

Oh please, the 1st glass would be gone by the time the starters came! 3 glasses of wine, with food, over 2.5 hours, is absolutely fine. No 'downing' involved. There you go, a definitive answer

yoyonomore I am genuinely fine with it. I drink more than some people I know and less than others so figure I’m prettt average.

In hindsight if I could do last night again I would not have ordered a third glass - it was just a spur of the moment thing. I can see that it may have been annoying to dh and perhaps I’m annoying as well. I tend to think I’m a bit boring generally and more interesting after I’ve had a drink, maybe this is not true!!