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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
IVFNewbie · 19/09/2019 12:29

If one is sober, being out with a drunk can be really irritating.

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2019 12:30

Op, as said before you're arguing petty semantics. No idea why you're not just owning it.

But a pp makes a good point. Although you clearly don't have an alcohol problem, you drink little normally, the truth is a bottle of wine would have had a significant Impact on you, even if you don't recognise it, and if you're the sober one in this scenario it is very obvious to the sober person.

After drinking a whole bottle of wine quite quickly the impact would have been very visible to your husband, if not to you.

I really think you should just own it. In reality you pretty much did down it. Who cares. You did a bottle of wine quickly. You were likely quite drunk. Your husband was stone cold sober, and the argument may well have been exacerbated by your drinking.

Just take it on the chin instead of trying to argue you didn't down it. The reality is you pretty much did.

Armi · 19/09/2019 12:31

This thread makes me want a drink. A fucking huge one.

TwoRedShoes · 19/09/2019 12:31

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

hiphopchick · 19/09/2019 12:31

@AgnesNutterWitch

Alcohol is not a substitute for a personality and hobbies.

ODFOD.

verticality · 19/09/2019 12:33

"Why does pointing out what NHS guidelines are make you cross? I’m not criticising you or the OP. It just is what it is."

Because this is a one-off event for the OP, for a special occasion. And because responses like that show no sense of perspective or judgement.

The level of health anxiety on here about very normal, mild levels of occasional alcohol consumption is utterly silly. Honestly, the anxiety associated with that kind of paranoia will be doing more damage than the odd extra glass of wine on a special day.

The virtue signalling is also just plain ridiculous.

MellowBird85 · 19/09/2019 12:33

Wine is the new towels Grin

Jellybeansincognito · 19/09/2019 12:33

Drinking a whole bottle of wine is excessive, I think you know this though, which is why it’s provoking outrage with you that he would suggest it’s a bit much?

Drinking a bottle over 2.5 hours or in one go- does it really matter? You’ve still drank a bottle either way.

I’ve eaten a whole bag of munchies today- does it make it any better if it was spread out over the course of the day and not in one go? No.

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 12:33

Alcohol is not a substitute for a personality and hobbies.

Sure, it is! Some cunts are vastly improved by alcohol and weed, my neighbour for one Grin.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2019 12:36

Lots of fun police around Wine

PuppyMonkey · 19/09/2019 12:38

What if your “hobby” is drinking wine.Grin

MissDew · 19/09/2019 12:38

He used (drink) to but stopped a few years ago.

That's what it's really all about. The unspoken, 'don't you think you've had enough.'

I thought it was a celebration anniversary dinner.

Jellybeansincognito · 19/09/2019 12:39

@AryaStarkWolf it’s quite a shame you view people who don’t drink in excess not fun, so boring is what you’re saying?

YoYoNoMore · 19/09/2019 12:39

OP, are you feeling sensitive about his comment because you are in denial about how much you are drinking? A lot of people on here are telling you what you drink is ok. But is it ok for you? Only you can answer that. If you were truly happy with how much and how often you drink, why would his comment rankle?

Looneytune253 · 19/09/2019 12:40

I think I would use that phrasing in that context to be fair, sorry!!

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/09/2019 12:41

non-drinker should find other sober people to socialise with

None of my friends are drinkers and when ever I have commented about this before I have been derided for it.

timshelthechoice i wonder if her dh sees it the same.

As for the comments about not drinking equates to not going out or going on holiday or generally leading a boring life.
Fwiw I get out and about a lot more than the friends I used to have who would go to the same pub or the same club and everything would involve where they could get their next drink from.

BrokenWing · 19/09/2019 12:42

Happy Anniversary @Musicalstatues!! Hope you had a lovely night out and by no means is 3 glasses of wine out for a meal on a special occasional excessive especially for a moderate drinker who is normally around the recommended 14 units a week. I have no idea why you are getting a hard time for 3 glasses of wine!

If my dh had sent that text I would not have assumed he was having a go, or if he was it would have been genuinely in jest not judgement, but ex-drinkers (even moderate ones) can be a bit more sensitive to normal drinking. Probably jealousy.

SaraNade · 19/09/2019 12:42

I thought there was nothing like a born again Christian, or a 'reformed smoker'. I was wrong, I forgot 'reformed drinkers'. Three levels of pious self-righteous fuckwittery. OP, you are not being unreasonable. Your DH is, for taking his new-found anti-alcohol zeal out on you on your wedding anniversary. He needs to apologise to you for spoiling the evening, to stop being such a judgemental prick, and you should give him the cold shoulder until he apologises for his fuckwittery.

Blue7 · 19/09/2019 12:44

Perhaps it's just me and my friendship group, but this seems like quite a lot each week

Saying Friendship Group clearly indicates you are 12 years old so you shouldn"t be drinking at all.

Hope you enjoyed the wine OP.

Seeingadistance · 19/09/2019 12:46
Grin

Loving that people are still saying it was all fine because it was a special occasion. It was a special occasion for both of them!

I hadn’t realised how many people genuinely thought that alcohol does make people wittier and generally better company. I thought it was generally accepted that alcohol does impair judgement, and that the drinker really isn’t as charming, funny or as good a dancer as think they are.

And I’m speaking from my own very varied experiences with booze, from being a very heavy drinker right through to rarely drinking now.

MadeleineMaxwell · 19/09/2019 12:47

are you feeling sensitive about his comment because you are in denial about how much you are drinking?

Or is she feeling sensitive because her tee-total DH raises an eyebrow every time she so much as walks past the booze aisle at a supermarket?

Look, my late FIL was an alcoholic. He couldn't start his day without a bottle of vodka, often in the shower. He died because of it. His son, my DH, doesn't drink at all now because of it. What the OP describes is not alcoholism, it's being constantly disapproved of for what is pretty average alcohol consumption by her holier-than-thou and possibly envious DH.

And hey, there's some evidence to suggest wine drinkers might live longer, so I hope all you health worriers are dutifully downing your small glass a day.

EileenAlanna · 19/09/2019 12:48

You've tossed the whole of MN onto the horns of a dilemma here, OP. On the one hand there's the desperate longing to to tell you you have to LTB & on the other yearning to release their inner lynch mob because you don't consign the Rum Truffles in a box of chocolates to the Flames of Eternal Damnation.
Enjoy your wine. Oh, and deffo LTB Wine

escapade1234 · 19/09/2019 12:48

Why do you keep saying 3 large glasses isn’t the same as downing a bottle then say you know 3 large glasses is the same as a bottle? Confused

And yes OP, I would have a raging hangover if I downed/drank/sipped/licked at three large glasses of wine.

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 12:49

I hadn’t realised how many people genuinely thought that alcohol does make people wittier and generally better company.

No one is except in a tongue in cheek fashion. God, when did people get so earnest?

DickKerrLadies · 19/09/2019 12:50

I found a picture of the OP and her wine glass!*

*May or may not be the actual OP

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’