Bedtime for Y7 DD

[TheHuntingOfTheSarky]

Genuinely curious as to whether DH and I are being unreasonable or whether we are in fact doing what other parents are doing.

DD1 is 11, turning 12 in November so in Y7 just gone up to secondary.

Each year we have been in the habit of adding an extra 20 minutes to bedtime for her and DD2 who is 8, 9 in January. So at the moment DD1 has to go up at 8:20 and DD2 at 7:20. The expectation is that they will read for a bit then lights out. We don’t police exactly when lights out are.

DD1 has recently been complaining that “all of her friends” go to bed at 9.30 at the earliest. We take this largely with a pinch of salt, thinking she’s just changing her arm, but I did do a bit of a straw poll amongst friends and was surprised to find that some of their same-age children are staying up regularly until 10pm even on school nights. DD1 needs to get up by about 6.15am to be ready to leave for school by 8.

Are WBU? Whenever either DD has gone to bed late ie after a special event etc, she’s been ridiculously tired the next day and IMO not really fit to put in a solid day of school (fwiw we’ve never kept her out late when she has school the next day). She is adamant that everyone else stays up much later than her and that we are being Draconian.

So who IBU? What time do your 12 year olds go to bed and what time do they need to get up?

Thanks in advance!

When my youngest was in Year 7 she had lights out at 9:30, for getting up at 6:15am and leaving the house at 7am. This was mostly ok but by the end of term she sometimes needed an earlier night. Can your daughter speed up her morning routine so she can have extra sleeping time in the morning?

I thinkk you have it right, children do tend to exagerate their bed times. My daughter goes up around 8-30 and I say lights out by 9.00 but she normally has them out by 8.30. (also y7)

Having same argument with year 7 DD, upstairs and in bed by 8.30 to read, invariably she’s asleep by 8.50 as she’s shattered, not that she will admit it!

My 11yo DD (year 7, March birthday) goes up at 8.30, drops to sleep between 9 and 9.30. Gets up at 7 to leave 7.45. To be honest, she's shattered at the moment, and I'd love to get her to bed earlier but she'd see that as a punishment and I'm trying to keep her spirits up at the moment as she's had a tricky start to secondary.

Why does your DD need to get up so early?

Yr 7 I would say 9.30-10 ( I’m a teacher)

My DS has just gone into Year 8. 13 in December. Last year lights out by 9. Now by 9.30. I think I think I was stricter than other parents by all accounts but he needs his sleep!

She likes getting up early as she gets some screen time as long as she’s dressed, hair done, has made her packed lunch etc. I don’t have to wake her - she wakes naturally between 6 and quarter past.

Yr 7 DD goes to bed at 8.30pm, can read in bed for an hour, lights off at 9.30.

As a family we prefer getting up early as none of us enjoys a scramble to get out of the house. We all like some downtime and to be able to take things slowly in the morning (me because I’m invariably awake a lot during the night) so we’ve always got up a lot earlier than others we know who leave it until the last possible minute to get out of bed (no judgement, totally understand all families work differently).

I think that's a bit early. My just turned 11 year old won't be home from football training until 8.30 tonight, then it'll be shower and supper then bed probably around 9.30. Most nights it's 9-9.30, he's up at 7.15am.

My yr 7 is 8:30 and lights out at 9, weekend is a bit later though.
Seems to work, she does have a moan now and again but I think any later then that she will be awful in the morning.

So maybe give her the option of a slightly later bedtime but she'd need to get up later to ensure she's fully rested?
You can tell her that other children of her age might well go to bed later, but they most probably get up later too.

I’m thinking that when she starts getting more homework then she may need a bit of extra time and I’m fine with that. It seems that lots of you have DC that go up later but that these DC don’t get up so early, so I suspect that it averages out to more or less the same amount of sleep.

First half of year 7 I was sending mine up at half 8, but it got gradually later. Now she's in year 8 it tends to be about 9pm I send her up. Sometimes earlier sometimes later. She gets up at 7, to leave at 8. If your dd wakes up naturally that early then I can see why you don't want her going to bed too late. I'm very jealous that she gets up herself and makes her own lunch! In still having to go and wake DD, sort out her uniform, make her lunch and prompt her to brush her hair, teeth and shower or put on deoderant etc

8.30 in room, lights out at 9 here.

Also I should add that one night a week at the moment she does get to stay up to watch Bake Off with her Dad, this being on the understanding she’s ready for bed before it starts and there’s no reading time - lights out straight away.

Our 11 year old has light out at 9pm and is usually awake around 6/6.30. She can do later but it soon catches up with her!

She went to bed at 10pm in year 7, in fact she has done that for a few years now. She has never needed much sleep.

Can I ask why does she need 1 hour 45 minutes to get ready in the morning? She needs to speed up. She wears a uniform so the max it should take her with eating breakfast is 45 minutes.

Your aim should be by the time she is 14 and studying GCSEs she sorts out her own bedtime.

You don't want her to sink at 18 when she leaves home.

That seems exceptionally early to me. DD (11) is 9.30/10, like ALL her friends.

8.30 seems crazy.

Haha user157, she used to have school dinners in primary school but wanted to change to packed lunches - we allowed her to change on the condition that she did her own lunch. Miraculously it worked and now both DDs do their own!

One night a week 8yo DD gets in at 8.30 from Cubs (as does her 6yo sister if their dad is a work).
Scouts (from age of ten) finishes at 9.

I would expect a bedtime if 9-9.30 at that age, as long as school commute isnt too ling

I mean, she gets home at 5, has snack and tells me about her day, does homework, has dinner. When the hell would the poor thing relax if she was in bed at 8-30?

Cola she likes to take her time - perhaps we should experiment with getting her to speed up a bit but it’s not that I’m making her get up early, most days she’s awake by herself by 6.15. That’s how it’s always been, both girls are early risers.

BillieEilish my DD is home by 3.20 (latest 4.15 when she has sports practice) so she has more time. Homework currently takes v little time but I appreciate when her workload gets heavier she will need more time.