Bedtime for Y7 DD

[TheHuntingOfTheSarky]

Genuinely curious as to whether DH and I are being unreasonable or whether we are in fact doing what other parents are doing.

DD1 is 11, turning 12 in November so in Y7 just gone up to secondary.

Each year we have been in the habit of adding an extra 20 minutes to bedtime for her and DD2 who is 8, 9 in January. So at the moment DD1 has to go up at 8:20 and DD2 at 7:20. The expectation is that they will read for a bit then lights out. We don’t police exactly when lights out are.

DD1 has recently been complaining that “all of her friends” go to bed at 9.30 at the earliest. We take this largely with a pinch of salt, thinking she’s just changing her arm, but I did do a bit of a straw poll amongst friends and was surprised to find that some of their same-age children are staying up regularly until 10pm even on school nights. DD1 needs to get up by about 6.15am to be ready to leave for school by 8.

Are WBU? Whenever either DD has gone to bed late ie after a special event etc, she’s been ridiculously tired the next day and IMO not really fit to put in a solid day of school (fwiw we’ve never kept her out late when she has school the next day). She is adamant that everyone else stays up much later than her and that we are being Draconian.

So who IBU? What time do your 12 year olds go to bed and what time do they need to get up?

Thanks in advance!

Missing the point but why does she need to get up so early if she only leaves at 8?

She doesn’t need to - she chooses to, always has. Both girls are the same.

DD12, year 8, August birthday.

Up at 6.30 so similar to yours. She goes to bed at 9, but we hear her moving around for a while & she’s not usually in bed til 9.30.

She goes at 9.30 at the weekends, unless there’s something special on the telly, then she may stay up til 10, but that’s plenty late enough, IMO.

I had an 8pm bedtime until I was 16.

I have a year 7 and a year 8 and they generally go to bed anywhere between 8.45 and 9.30

My Yr 7 DS has to be in bed by 9 on a school night, lights out 9:30. He usually doesn’t go off to sleep til 10 and gets up at 7. Leaves at 8 for school.
At weekends he goes to bed at 10, but doesn’t really need to get up until 8/9am depending on football match timings, etc.

I started Guides aged 10 in year 5 (third year then, just before it all changed) and the finish was 9pm, which I used as evidence in my argument that my current 8:30 bedtime was unreasonable.
I always had bed times a bit too early, I've got really clear memories of summer evenings wide awake, daylight, and the friends I'd just left still playing outside basically under my window.
I'd say 8:30 is unreasonable but as long as you're flexible and don't expect lights out at that point it probably doesn't matter. An "In your room by" time isn't the same as "in bed".

My 11 year old Year 7 boy goes up at 8.30. In Year 6 he went at 8. 2 nights a week he has clubs that finish at 9 so can’t go much before 9.30, and then at weekends he’s allowed to stay up until 9-9.30. So in reality it’s really only 3 nights that he goes up at 8.30, but that’s the time he knows bedtime is. I always have to wake him for school at 7ish so I take that as a sign that he needs the sleep otherwise surely he’d be waking up himself?

My 12 year old has lights off by 9.30(ish) and is asleep by 10pm. His alarm goes off at 7am and he leaves the house just before 8am (he likes to laze in bed for 15 mins before getting in the shower!) He's often up until 11ish on Friday and Saturday so one night in the week has has an earlier night to catch up.

Anc as for posters asking why the OP's daughfer gets up so early, some people just done like to rush around in the mornings! I often get up at 6.30 and don't leave until 8am although God knows what I'm doing some mornings...

In year 8 I was out at gigs in town until gone 11pm so in year 7 I don’t think I’d have been in bed before 10pm if not later. My youngest is in year 6 at primary and goes to bed at 8.30, asleep by 9 any later and he really struggles to get up to get up in the morning (6.30am here) even at that time hes not a morning person. He keeps asking for a later bedtime as some of his friends stay up until 9.30/10pm but hes been told that until he can get up consistently without issue on his current bedtime it will not happen so by next year (yr 7) I doubt it will be after 9.

Bed 8. Lights out 830 or 9. Up at 630, leave house at 7

I’m curious how a later bedtime for such a young child impacts on the adults’ lives eg watching television programmes that really aren’t suitable for that age. Do you send them to a different room and if so what are they doing in there? Or do you not watch anything “adult” until later?

DD is just 12 (July):

We have a loose bedtime of 8.30-9pm, mainly because she has some late clubs now and with dinner and shower is not able to go down any earlier. Or homework is more tricky and she needs help which we can only give her after 5.30-6pm so it can drag a bit into after dinner time.

In most days she goes straight to sleep, in others she may read a bit. That gives her around 9 hours sleep each day, her alarm goes at 6.30am.

Sounds very early to me- my 12 year old goes to sleep about 9.30, woken up at 7am and out house at 7.45.

Also scouts here for age 11-14 finishes at 9.30 so wouldn't be in bed until later that night.

She doesn’t need to - she chooses to, always has. Both girls are the same

But she is forced to go to bed when you say - if she chose to wake up an hour later and go to bed an hour later, you would object it seems?

Sure she could "read" or otherwise be quiet in her room, but maybe that's not what she wants to do alone in the evenings, she's asking for later, if she goes later she will adjust her wake up times (likely not immediately, but pretty quickly) Listening to these desires is how you enable her to control her own sleeping requirements, which is the aim surely?

Anything before 9pm sounds very early to me for a child who has started secondary school I’d gave thought about 9.30.

Or do you not watch anything “adult” until later?

I think people might just have different ideas of what "adult" is in TV - DD is 8 and goes to bed between 9:30 and 10 (or later, she's rarely asleep before 11 at the earliest), it doesn't impact our TV watching, 'cos there's nothing inappropriate that we want to watch before 10pm and "nothing else is on, let's have family guy" or something.

The clubs thing is what's really surprising to me, so many activities are simply incompatible with an 8:30 bed time, 8 year old DD has clubs which are incompatible with it, and they all have the 11 year old class starting after hers. All these clubs must be catering to kids who are awake then?

My DS11, just started secondary, heads to bed at 8.30 (shower sometime before), then reads for half an hour. Lights out at 9pm.

Couple of things:

She’s not “forced” to go to bed. That’s the time we set, and occasionally she complains and says everyone else goes later - hence me starting this thread. We are not inflexible - I’ve said several times that if she wanted to do an activity that involved a late finish then of course we’d allow it. Currently she does athletics and netball which are straight after school, piano lessons which are at 5.30 and art class which ends at 5.45.

I class “adult” as programmes such as The Wire - things which have violence or sexual content, which I would absolutely not want a 12 year old child to see.

Dd2 11 has a club that doesn’t finish until 9. Dd1 14 has clubs that don’t finish until 9.30 4 nights a week. I’m sat waiting for her to come out now!

Don’t know how people manage these early bed times!

My year 4 goes to bed at 8pm and reads until she wants (probably only 15mins) I would think by year 7 itll be 9pm. Even now she has brownies which finishes at 8pm so doesn't get to sleep until 9pm on one weekday. I only mention our routine as she is a natural early riser too, always up by 6am. Never tired. The evening thing is yes we just dont watch anything heavy going until she is in bed. I do think when it gets later she will spend between 8 and 9 in her room.

One club, fine. Not a problem as I’ve said multiple times! And when she’s 14 maybe a lot of clubs - but she’s 11!

Crikey, DD is 9, nearly 10 and has had a 9pm bedtime since she was 8, maybe even 7. We wake her at 7.

We normally can watch an episode of something once she’s in bed.

DS is in year 7 and he is asleep by 8:30 at the latest on weeknights, save for Tuesdays when he watches Bake Off until 8:50 or so when he takes himself off to bed and watches the rest on catch up the next day. He is up by 6:30 every morning, leaves the house for his coach at 7:40.