Bedtime for Y7 DD

[TheHuntingOfTheSarky]

Genuinely curious as to whether DH and I are being unreasonable or whether we are in fact doing what other parents are doing.

DD1 is 11, turning 12 in November so in Y7 just gone up to secondary.

Each year we have been in the habit of adding an extra 20 minutes to bedtime for her and DD2 who is 8, 9 in January. So at the moment DD1 has to go up at 8:20 and DD2 at 7:20. The expectation is that they will read for a bit then lights out. We don’t police exactly when lights out are.

DD1 has recently been complaining that “all of her friends” go to bed at 9.30 at the earliest. We take this largely with a pinch of salt, thinking she’s just changing her arm, but I did do a bit of a straw poll amongst friends and was surprised to find that some of their same-age children are staying up regularly until 10pm even on school nights. DD1 needs to get up by about 6.15am to be ready to leave for school by 8.

Are WBU? Whenever either DD has gone to bed late ie after a special event etc, she’s been ridiculously tired the next day and IMO not really fit to put in a solid day of school (fwiw we’ve never kept her out late when she has school the next day). She is adamant that everyone else stays up much later than her and that we are being Draconian.

So who IBU? What time do your 12 year olds go to bed and what time do they need to get up?

Thanks in advance!

The NHS says 11yos need 9.5 hours sleep a night. Add in half an hour’s settling down time (dd needs at least 15 minutes settling before she goes to sleep, no matter how tired she is), work back from a 6.30 alarm and we’ve ended up at 8.30 lights out.

One night a week this isn’t possible due to an activity ending at 8.00, but even with this relatively early bedtime on the other school nights she is still being woken by her alarm and says she’s feeling tired. She does do a lot of exercise, and Y7 is a big step up, and mentally tiring, too.

My dd probably went to bed about 830 at that age apart from when she had training which finished at 8 twice a week so dinner, shower and relax after meant it was 9 those nights.

However you will probably notice a big shift at some point in the next couple of years.

We're all early risers too but dd somewhere between age 11 and now (14) has shifted to waking as late as possible for whatever she is doing and often goes to sleep after I go to bed at about 10. She is usually settling down by then so I guess she gets about 8 to 9 hours as she wakes at 7 on school days.

There is a quite a wide difference in children as they enter adolescence as some develop earlier and take on more teenage and adult behaviour earlier, sleeping later is part of that development.

Obviously parents have different ideas too!

In the summer holidays bedtime was between 9pm -10pm. Now he's back at school (also year 7) he is going to bed at 8.30pm. He's not complaining about this...he's absolutely exhausted!

9:30-10:00 here but to be fair 99% of the time it's 10:00.

DD is in year 7 and goes to bed at 9.30 or 10pm on weekdays. Her activities don’t finish until 9pm 3 evenings a week so can’t be any earlier. She gets up at 7am no problem

We are like you OP, our 11 year old (12 in June) has lights out at 8.30 - 9.00. She wakes up around 6.30-7 in order to leave the house at 7.40 for her bus. She goes to Scouts once a week which finishes at 9pm so those nights she is later to bed, but otherwise all of her activities are earlier in the evening. I also can't quite work out what our adult evening will look like once she doesn't go to bed! We also have an 8 year old who goes to bed at 8pm and a 4 year old who goes to bed at 7.30... I can see from my DD's phone that many of her friends are up later than she is, but DD is tired & need sleep so it seems right for her.

My year 7 son (not 12 until May) has had a 9:30pm bedtime for the last year, prior to that he was 9pm. I won't be extending it past 9:30 as you can see he's tired if he goes later than that.

He gets up at 7am. Actually he goes to his room around 8:30 but it's lights out at 9:30

Mine said the same at Y7 last year but she leaves home at 7, and is up at 6.15! So I put my foot down & regardless of whether friends are up until 10 or 11pm, it's 9pm for her with a bit of slack allowed every now & then to read. No phones past 7pm. Each child's need for sleep is different & cant be dictated by the peer group I think.

A long time ago for me. But it must have been about 10 o’clock bedtime for me at that age

I found DD doesn't really want to spend time with us in the evening unless there is a history program on or in the past Bake Off. After dinner she just goes up and is in her own world.

DH recently started watching a series on Netflix rated 18 and I def would ban DD from the living room for that.

I run a youth group for 10-14 year olds and it finishes at 9pm on a school night... 8.20 sounds ridiculously early to me.

DD (12) has a rough 9.30 bed time, but today we only got back from karate at 9 (including DD2 8yo), so it was snack and bed.

Incidentally, DD has always loved her sleep and needs as much as her younger sister. She’ll often come home from school and nap, or go to bed around 7 and ask not to be woken for food

DD (just turned 13) goes up at 9 and reads til 9.30pm.

DS is in y7. I've used 8.30 as a baseline, but he has to be in bed for 7.45 and reading unless he's watching something in particular. To be honest though, he's been asleep most nights by 8 since starting y7 (a half an hour walk there and one back again carrying a massive bag is no doubt helping this). He's meant to be up at 7am, but we are prising him out of bed at 7.15, so I think we may have to make it 15 mins earlier.

My Y6 DD goes the bed at 9 and gets up about 7.30 to leave the house at 8.15.
My DS is older now but probably went to bed around 9.30 in Y7.
It will be a bit embarrassing to go to bed at 8.30 aged 11, but if she’s insisting on getting up so early - I don’t think she can have it both ways, if she needs that amount of sleep.

Too early for us - my daughters are 10 & 7 and most of their activities don’t finish until 8.30pm. I like them to be in bed by 9.30pm and they get up at 7am, although DD1 will sometimes wake up around 6am herself.

Up to bed 8:30-8:45, lights out 9-9:15 on a school night. Up at 7 to leave at 8:10, although he's ready by 8. Why does she have to get up to early?

@delilahbucket: DD's registration is at 8.20am, she has a 30 minutes walk if I go (so for her it is 40 minutes) and she loves chatting to her friends.

She is leaving at 7.30am, with getting up, breakfast, getting her gear together she needs 1 hour.

@02reluctantbrit sorry, I thought you said she was leaving at 8. If she is having to be woken up in the morning and not waking naturally then her bed time is right. Tell her that her mates going to bed later are probably in a permanent state of tiredness and won't be functioning properly.

DD is 12 In November. Her bedtime is 9.45. She gets up at 7.
She is busy during the day and walks a little over 2 miles to school and back each day plus some sort of activity daily (netball, dance etc). She gets herself up in the morning with no grumbling.

I think it’s a bit early! My y7 lights out time is 9.30. Alarm goes off at 7 to leave the house 7.45.

Your younger dd’s bedtime sounds a bit ridiculous tbh. 7.20pm is a four year old’s bedtime really.

@Proseccoinamug Younger DD reads til around 8.15 though. She likes time to wind down alone in her bedroom before sleep. I was the same at her age, happier with my own company. I don’t think that’s being ridiculous.

Ds2 (imminent 12th birthday) goes between 9 and 9.30, sometimes a little earlier, sometimes a little later. He has a long trip to school and early start there so is up very early (before 6), but none of my dc have ever been long sleepers or had a bedtime much before 8.30 tbh. He does mostly go to bed of his own accord rather than being sent. Winding down (reading etc) is from 8 or 8.30 ish.

Y6 DD goes to bed anywhere between 9-10pm. She gets up around 7-7.30 no problem. She sleeps in longer at the weekends, like I do, so it all works well in our house.

As I have always worked full time with a long commute she has never been in bed before 8, even as a toddler. We may not be the norm, but it suits us and we’re all well rested.

If your DD is asking for a later bedtime, why not give it a try?

@ittooshallpass Yes, it’s her birthday in 6 weeks or so so we will probably extend to going up at 9pm and see how it progresses.

I admit I am a bit at the stories of children not going to bed until 11pm (I would consider that late for me on a weeknight) but I obviously do see that we are all different, needs must etc etc.