Bedtime for Y7 DD

[TheHuntingOfTheSarky]

Genuinely curious as to whether DH and I are being unreasonable or whether we are in fact doing what other parents are doing.

DD1 is 11, turning 12 in November so in Y7 just gone up to secondary.

Each year we have been in the habit of adding an extra 20 minutes to bedtime for her and DD2 who is 8, 9 in January. So at the moment DD1 has to go up at 8:20 and DD2 at 7:20. The expectation is that they will read for a bit then lights out. We don’t police exactly when lights out are.

DD1 has recently been complaining that “all of her friends” go to bed at 9.30 at the earliest. We take this largely with a pinch of salt, thinking she’s just changing her arm, but I did do a bit of a straw poll amongst friends and was surprised to find that some of their same-age children are staying up regularly until 10pm even on school nights. DD1 needs to get up by about 6.15am to be ready to leave for school by 8.

Are WBU? Whenever either DD has gone to bed late ie after a special event etc, she’s been ridiculously tired the next day and IMO not really fit to put in a solid day of school (fwiw we’ve never kept her out late when she has school the next day). She is adamant that everyone else stays up much later than her and that we are being Draconian.

So who IBU? What time do your 12 year olds go to bed and what time do they need to get up?

Thanks in advance!

We have 5 children ranging from aged 9 to 14 and I can honestly say that it depends on each child.

On average I'd say around 9-9.30 for this age. But if mine woke up naturally at 6am I'd probably do things a bit differently. We leave at 7.45am here and all children get up at 7am.

Understand you not wanting a crazy rushed atmosphere in the house each morning, but 1 hour 45 mins to get ready and have a chill before school really does seem a lot. If it were mine I'd be trying to encourage waking up at 7am and that would naturally lead to a bit of a later bed time...

I think bedtime has to be decided by when they get up in the morning. I actually had this chat with my form this morning (year 7 form, impromptu chat that they started).

One girl said she went to bed at 8:30, and there were a few kids who laughed and asked why it was so early, they go to bed at 10/10:30. Then I asked when they got up, the girl going to bed at 8:30 gets up at 6, so she can deal with her pets and leave the house at 7. The boys going to bed at 10/10:30 don't get up till 7:45, just get themselves ready and leave at 8:30. So they were all getting a similar amount of sleep, hers was just earlier than theirs because she had to get up earlier.

All of my form were listening to this, and after the initial issue of slight laughter about an early bedtime or two, they really surprised me by how mature they were about listening to the reasons behind different bedtimes. A few of them said "it's obvious when you think about it, people who get up early have to go to bed early, is just never thought about it"

When I went to Scouts at that age it didn’t finish until 9.30 (9 in the darker months I think?) so I don’t think 8.30 is that normal for Y7.

DD is in year 8, so a little older but twice a week she goes to cadets which doesn't even finish until 9.30 . 5 min drive home, quick drink and then into bed. Those nights she pretty much falls asleep straight away. Other nights she's upstairs at 9 and usually asleep by 10. She gets up with no aggro at 7, dressed and walking to the bus stop by 7.50.

Ds is 12 (nearly 13) - bedtime 10.30ish

I’ve said we don’t police lights-out time - meaning if she wasn’t tired she could read or do whatever else in her room until later if she wanted to. She just has to go up at 8.20 and get ready, brush her teeth etc. But she doesn’t seem to have the energy to read at the moment and is asleep by 9.

I suspect she would stay up a lot later if we let her take her phone upstairs!

8.20 is very early for a high school child and there’s no need for up 2 hrs early in morning.

I’m glad to hear we seem to be on the same page as the majority anyway. Obviously we’re not completely inflexible and should she take up an activity that kept her out later then obviously we’d change things accordingly, but for now I’m reassured that lots of you seem to agree that 9ish is normal.

I’ll suggest getting up later - I have no problem with this so long as we’re not rushing around and arriving to school completely frazzled - and see what she thinks.

Thanks folks!

It probably all works out. My 12 year old, goes to bed at 8.30ish but isn't usually asleep before 10. She likes to potter, sometimes finishes homework, reads for a bit, writes in a journal etc. This is usually a relaxed time for her and I don't want to force her to turn the lights off earlier. A bit like your daughter getting up early, I guess. Mine gets up at 7am and leaves at 7.45.

My just turned 12 year old has just gone into YR8 and she's goes to sleep at 9.30.

Usually nearer to 9.45 as she messes about going to loo etc

When mine was in Y7 - only a couple of years ago - I remember a teacher contacting me (bit of an emergency) at 8.30 and being amazed to hear he was in bed.

Dd2 is in bed for 10. She’ll normally then read for a bit. She had friends try to face time her at that time so didn’t think it was an unusual bed time. She then reads for probably 20 minutes.

She gets up at about 6.30. Goes to school all day, walks two miles home and then goes to dance. She doesn’t seem particularly tired. I guess she doesn’t need as much sleep as some.

my son turns 12 next week and on a school night he goes up to bed at about 9.30 and is asleep for 10. at the weekends he can go to bed whenever he wants as long as he is quiet when his brother and sister are asleep.

My DD goes upstairs sometime between 8 and 8.30. She's usually asleep by 9 or soon after.

My 17yo twins usually hit their beds before 10, lights are out by half past, not that I enforce it really.
But they are up at 5.30 / 6, onr walks the dog, the other likes to exercise plus the normal morning stuff and then off to college or work.

DD also gets video call requests way after when she goes to bed (she has to leave her phone downstairs for obvious reasons) so I’m not surprised that others stay up so late. I’m just glad we don’t seem to be the only ones whose DC need a bit of extra sleep.

I can’t force her to get up later though. Those of you saying it’s ridiculous to get up so early, well maybe so for you but it’s just the way mine are! They’ve never been any different.

DD has never gone to sleep earlier than 10pm, since she started reception. Now in year 5. She's usually asleep by 11pm though.

She wakes up about 7.15am.

As a year 5 she's often starting to do homework at 8.30pm-9pm.

DD also gets video call requests way after when she goes to bed

Shouldn't phone do not disturb settings be blocking these?

Op my year 7 is the same as yours. He’d be up in his room before 8.30 most nights and he can read or do homework til whenever he likes, but some nights he’s been shattered and actually slept at 8.30! He does a lot of sports and has a long walk there and back to school so is tired. Gets up 7am. I didn’t think his bed time was particularly early or weird! His phone downtime starts at 7pm so that he has enough time to wind down and focus on homework etc

Lights off 9pm, maybe 9.15pm. So you're not too far off, depending how long she reads for and especially since she wakes early.

If you want to watch TV that’s not suitable for a Y7 child do they have to go to a different room though, if they’re still up at 10?

Petty she doesn’t take her phone upstairs. Phone is on silent once she goes up - I only see the requests because I monitor her social media activity. This is the norm amongst all the other Y7 parents I know.

I think you have it right.my youngest(12 next month) goes up earlier,but does stretches then reads.lights out by 9.she too is early riser(6-630) and likes leisurely get ready for school etc.try and rush her she freaks out BIG TIME.late night=cranky madam..I decide on bedtimes that mean she can fully function,not based on what others say(and let's be honest some are boasting,others have parents that don't police phones)

Yr 8 here. Last year I encouraged him to go up at 9pm because he would normally flaff about for ages getting ready for bed. Generally fell asleep between 9:30 and 10pm. This year I am stepping back generally and getting him to take more responsibility for himself. He must be in bed by 10pm is the rule on a school night. Generally takes himself up 9:30ish. He has to be up by 7am on a school day. I would say he gets between 8 and 9 hrs which I believe is about right for his age.