Dh leaving us . Help me see wood for trees please

[Simplydelishus]

Please help.my husband is leaving us . He is fed up of being nagged and irritated and criticised for years by me. I admit that is exactly what I did . I feel so
Guilty. My husband despiteboth of us working full time never did a tap around the house.his time out of work was his and he didnt contribute to child rearing or any admin . I finish work two to three hours earlier than him so I did it all. His time woth the kids was negative and horrible. He would come home and criticise them generally . He got cursed Nd shouty and aggressive if they didn’t do what they were told straight away. I always intervened as I couldn’t hear the way he spoke to them . He was kind when we were sick and generous at Christmas time and birthdays. He didn’t used engage or play with kids but liked to play on his phone or
Sleep . Kids describe his asmoody cranky and angry . He didn’t like me to make any financial decisions about furniture or clothes etc. I often found that I lied
About purchases and downplayed prices .
I did everything I could
To encourage him to engage with us so this was me
Bagging criticising and undermining him. Now though I feel guilty .. AUBU

You shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to get your husband to step up as a parent and a partner.

You’re well rid of him although it won’t feel like that now.

Don't feel guilty - you're well rid. Your children will be happier and in the long run so will you.

Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Its sounds both exhausting and toxic

Why are you feeling guilty? He sounds utterly useless.

I’d be waving him off with a big fat fuckity bye! Why on earth would you want him to stay?!

Just sounds like he's flipping the blame on you when he should have been a decent partner and father. He's acted like anotger child not a husband and you'll soon realise it's easier without him

I would be dancing in the street with joy to be rid of that arsehole. You will be so much happier without him. So will your children.

He says the reason we are separating is because of years of me nagging him and criticising him and he felt he could never do anything right, in my eyes.

MY poor children 😥

Your children will probably be relieved.

I'd be cheering. He sounds like a terrible husband and father.

If you post on the relationships board you will get very good advice about how to get things in order so that he doesn't screw you and your dc over financially.

Honestly if his relationship with them is as antagonistic as you describe I think your dc will be relieved.

What do you think you should have done instead? Ignored the fact he was a lazy, shouty arse who expected obedient docile children and a stepford wife? That wouldn’t have made anyone except him happy.

It is his fault that he made his behaviour so unacceptable that the relationship is over. It is easier for him to blame you and you would be a fool to believe it’s your fault.

Why are your children 'poor' in this situation? They are not going to have to live with a cranky angry horrible dad! Sounds like they will be better off. You will also feel better as you have been doing everything anyway and now you won't have him poisoning the atmosphere and you having to lie about stuff.

This is probably the best thing that will happen to your family. I was very happy when my father finally left and I'm happy about it to this day!

not sure why you are upset over him as he sounds awful and not a good father at all. Your children will thank you and be able to live freely in a great atmosphere without tiptoeing around his moods. Let him go and claim maintenance. I wouldn't even bother to talk to him anymore. What a waste of a man.

You will start to feel better when he is gone. The atmosphere will lighten.

You only feel guilty because he has conditioned you that way!!!

You're well rid my lovely and I bet your kids are glad too!!

He sounds like a huge twat. Move on. Be happy.

FFS!
If he hadn't been a complete lazy, useless,selfish fucker you wouldn't have nagged (hate that word!) him, would you?
He is a complete waste of space and I bet he is only leaving because he
a) has someone else on the go
b) is having a great time seeing you upset at losing the big fecker, and has no actual intention of going anywhere.
I do understand that years of his shite have left you confused, but for gods sake OP, do yourself and your kids a favour and grow up!
This guy is shit for you and shit for the kids. The only reason to feel sorry for the kids is that they had to put up with him thus far.
Make way for your fabulous new life, free from this idiot!
(warning! He will probably be back to 'give you another chance', will tell everyone you were horrible to him/are turning the kids against him, and constantly be a thorn in your side. But at least you can block his number and ignore him, right?)

You have all made me feel so much better . Thank you . I really felt like it was my fault . I’m worried
For
My kids. The youngest who is nine and stuck on me has anxiety as it is. I’m dreading telling them

I wonder if your youngest's anxiety is caused to an extent by your husbands behaviour, it certainly won't be helping it. I think you'll all be better off without him, it'll be hard to see that now, but push on and you will all be fine. Lots of love xx

You’ll probably find the kids thrive without their father being a constant foreboding presence. You described him as being kind when it suited him and very critical of them and you at all other times. Now you get to be yourselves without worrying about him getting home from work and moaning.

Your kid's anxiety probably has to do with him and will improve massively once he has gone! Has he left yet or just mouthing off to make you back off. Pack a bag and shut the door firmly behind him!

It sounds like he has done you a massive favour by leaving. He may realise the single life isn't all that comfortable and want to come back, but IIWY I wouldn't let him.

I'd have a party to celebrate seeing his lazy ass disappear out the door for good.

He sounds dreadful, you are well rid. Thank him for leaving you and help him pack! You might find your child's anxiety lessens when they don't have to live with a lazy, angry lump anymore!