Dh leaving us . Help me see wood for trees please

[Simplydelishus]

Please help.my husband is leaving us . He is fed up of being nagged and irritated and criticised for years by me. I admit that is exactly what I did . I feel so
Guilty. My husband despiteboth of us working full time never did a tap around the house.his time out of work was his and he didnt contribute to child rearing or any admin . I finish work two to three hours earlier than him so I did it all. His time woth the kids was negative and horrible. He would come home and criticise them generally . He got cursed Nd shouty and aggressive if they didn’t do what they were told straight away. I always intervened as I couldn’t hear the way he spoke to them . He was kind when we were sick and generous at Christmas time and birthdays. He didn’t used engage or play with kids but liked to play on his phone or
Sleep . Kids describe his asmoody cranky and angry . He didn’t like me to make any financial decisions about furniture or clothes etc. I often found that I lied
About purchases and downplayed prices .
I did everything I could
To encourage him to engage with us so this was me
Bagging criticising and undermining him. Now though I feel guilty .. AUBU

Oh my lovely he has really done a number on you. You will get through this and you will realise how much happier you and the children can be without having to walk on eggshells and his negative presence.

It is hard, but you do deserve so much more.

I could have written your post word for word. My husband left me in April citing my nagging etc as the reason and he'd fallen out of love.

At the time I though I was going to die but I'm slowly slowly coming to terms with it and you will too. I'm still finding it hard not to blame myself. As others have said it's not your fault. Although good to accept your part in the demise of the relationship it's not all your fault. Ultimately his behaviour ended the relationship. He is responsible for his behaviour towards you. Its not your fault. You will feel better in time. It may take a while but it will happen. In April I couldn't even imagine feeling even remotely normal ever again, but I slowly am! You and your children will be happier on your own.

Get great legal advice.
Get your ducks in a row.
Serve notice to your tenants.
Wave him of with a cheery “fuckity-bye”

Don't lie to your kids. Ever. Not even in a good cause. They need to have one person who will tell them the truth. Let it be you. You don't need to say it in a negative or positive way. Just be factual.

For what it's worth I predict your kids will love living without mr Doom & Gloom on a daily basis. And I'd reckon they'll cut contact the second they can. And he'll try and blame you.

His behaviour has you believing you are the problem! Get rid! I had a lazy sod dragging me down..i had to beg to get him to move his arse..critised me every chance..was a useless parent..getting rid was best thing i ever done! Wont take you too long to realise hes the problem,not you😉

I would never speak badly of their dad

Yes, that is all very well, but at least listen to them when they complain about him, because he sounds like an appalling father.

I'm so glad you are getting rid.

Sounds like you'll be better off without him.

You have really had a tough time with this git. 'Nag' is a nasty word misogynists use to keep women from speaking out. You and the kids will blossom when you no longer have to put up with this toxic bloke.

If you ask him to do something more than once, you are a nag?
He has to take responsibility for his behaviour probably caused by you not being a silent servant....how dare you!
Let the man child get on with it and enjoy your new life.
Kids take in far more than we give credit for. The change of dynamic will not go unnoticed and hopefully they will appreciate a more relaxed environment.