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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was ibu to react like this. Should i say sorry

349 replies

Anonmummyoftwo · 17/09/2019 18:09

Honestly it was a reaction i couldnt control. Before i could stop myself it just came out. Was waiting to lift ds5 from school today and chatting with the other mums. One said about her baby going next week for her year vaccines and another mum jumped in and said your really shouldnt my ds never got any of his because her sisters friends dd caught autism from them. Before i could stop myself i let out a laugh and said oh for god sake are you serious. I said you cant catch autism first off and second that bloody crap about the vaccine causing autism has been proven to be a load of crap. She tried to argue her point but i just said look im not listening and went in got my ds and left. A few mums agreed with me but this mum has just messaged me saying shes upset at how i acted and would like me to say sorry infront of the other mums at drop off in the morning. I told her im sorry for upsetting you but i wont say sorry at the school because i think shes being a fool. This is a grown woman whos at least 30 and truthfully i did think she was a smart woman till that. Do people really still think you can "catch" autism from a vaccine

OP posts:

Blueoasis · 18/09/2019 11:41

Jesus christ she deserves rudeness to be honest. What a twat.

She's a complete moron who is insisting she is right, when all that will happen if people believe her is an epidemic of diseases.

I'd be far more 'rude' than you. Hate people like her, they put people with immune problems at risk. Just because they think they know better than scientists and doctors.

MissEliza · 18/09/2019 14:18

God she's absolutely crazy. Stick to your guns.

SaveKevin · 18/09/2019 15:10

“The only person who is wrong is the one putting other people’s lives in danger. Good day”

ltk · 18/09/2019 15:22

Some opinions are so offensive and dangerous that people who hold them should know they have no business being aired in polite society. Ani-vaxxers, racists, incels, etc. Nothing you say to these people, when they do choose to drag these thoughts out of the dank basement of their minds and speak them in front of you, is unreasonable. So no, don't apologise. At all. She deserves the derision.

dontgobaconmyheart · 18/09/2019 15:29

You are obviously right OP and she is an idiot but publically laughing at what a moron she is is isn't the best- even if it was an unplanned reaction. Making people feel small isn't a very kind or matureway to go about a difference of opinion.

I'd give her a sincere apology for that but she is being ridiculous for asking you to perform one in front of others . I'd just try and feel sorry for her tbh, she is obviously feeling upset and embarrassed. It's not your job to change her anti-vax opinions and I'd probably not want to spend time with her anyway so win win if she avoids you.

roisinagusniamh · 18/09/2019 15:33

Well done OP for putting her right in front of others.
What a foolish person....avoid her!

Inebriati · 18/09/2019 15:38

People spreading lies about vaccine should be laughed at. You did less damage than she will.

SmileyGiraffe · 18/09/2019 15:49

"Yes. I'm ready to say sorry.

I'm sorry you dont live your child enough to protect them from dangerous diseases.

I'm sorry you want to put other children at risk.
I'm just sorry your attitudes still exist in modern society when we know better.
I'm just sorry."

goodgirlinchachaheels · 18/09/2019 15:57

Fuck her. She is a twat. I am so done with those stupid morons.

BlingLoving · 18/09/2019 16:03

She doesn't want you to apologise for being rude. She wants you to apologise for having an opinion that's different to hers. You absolutely could have handled it better at the time, but even if you were 100% in the wrong, I'm not sure when apologies only become valid if they're done in public?

You might find yourself in a situation where you DO land up apologising in public to her - but only because she'lll beholding you and jumping on you in the playground and at some point you'll snap and scything, in a very unapologetic tone, like, "Oh for pete's sake. I've apologised for my tone when we first spoke about this but you were wrong then and you're wrong now. Fuck off."

BlingLoving · 18/09/2019 16:05

Oh for pete's sake. That last paragraph is unreadable.

"You might find yourself in a situation where you DO land up apologising in public to her - but only because she'll be hounding you and jumping on you in the playground and at some point you'll snap and say, in a very unapologetic tone, "Oh, for Pete's sake. I've apologised for my tone when we first spoke about this but you were wrong then and you're wrong now. Fuck off."

BlingLoving · 18/09/2019 16:06

On a separate note, I'm kind of impressed she's going public in a watching-a-car-wreck kind of way. I've only had one person admit to being anti vexer to my face ever. Although it's imprinted in my memory as he said, "we chose not to vaccinate our children but we don't have a problem with people who did." It was a pity, I really liked him before that but never got over that attitude.

youarenotkiddingme · 18/09/2019 16:28

I love how people spurt unproven crap that is downright dangerous and then when you apologise for reaction still insist on trying to prove you are wrong.

She clearly didn't want an apology. Just validation for her ridiculous beliefs.

Well done in being so firm. There's a time and place for niceties and a time and a place for quite clear blunt information.

And my ds is autistic!

leomama81 · 18/09/2019 16:43

I'd be telling her that I had apologized for my tone but I now retract even that! Can't believe she is shouting at you in the playground, bloody hell:.

BloggersBlog · 18/09/2019 16:46

VaccineZilla has taken over from SoftPlayZilla

WhyBirdStop · 18/09/2019 16:49

I would give a non apology in front of the other mums or on a group chat if you have one - 'antivax mum has messaged me and told me I hurt her feelings yesterday and has asked that I apologise in front of you all. I am happy to say sorry I hurt your feelings antivax mum, HOWEVER I absolutely stand by what I said about vaccinations, you CANNOT catch autism and the one study that claimed a link between the two was entirely discredited almost immediately and the doctor was struck off, this information is freely available. It is dangerous not to vaccinate children, for their own sake and for herd immunity for the very very small number of people who cannot be vaccinated for serious medical reasons. If you doubt me please talk to your GP who will support this position'

faelavie · 18/09/2019 16:51

YANBU. She's an idiot. Do not apologise!

HappyBumbleBee · 18/09/2019 16:54

So because she had a different opinion to you it's ok for you to be rude and insulting?
Sounds like you missed a perfect opportunity to have an adult conversation with someone who has clearly been misinformed by media in the past.
No excuse for you to be a bitch!

HappyBumbleBee · 18/09/2019 16:57

Maybe I've missed an update about shouting at you in the playground - so give as good as you get 😉 but I still think your initial response to her at first was wrong and you could have handled it shout differently

SmileyGiraffe · 18/09/2019 16:58

Oh, for fucks sake. Has this place been completely infested with Nethuns?

Someone spouting dangerous lies in public deserves to be publicly humiliated.

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 18/09/2019 17:07

I'd just say looking back perhaps I could have been politer about how I made my point - which I do regret, but why on earth should I apologise for telling the truth and stopping her spreading dangerous mis-information?

I'd also probably be a real bitch & ask when she's going to publicly thank everyone who HAS vaccinated their DC for the herd immunity effect that her DC will benefit from.

QOD · 18/09/2019 17:07

Tell her you’re gay and if she makes you apologise for saying you can’t catch autism then you’ll kiss her ...

lazylinguist · 18/09/2019 17:07

"She's telling dangerous lies and deserves to be humiliated" would be bang on... if humiliating people were a good way to get them to be open to changing their views, but it's not. Did you achieve anything by being rude to her? No.

It's understandable to feel angry at people with such views, but let's not pretend that ranting at them is a logical decision aimed at actually increasing understanding or vaccination rates. It's just venting your anger, and to any undecided onlookers it would probably weaken the rationality of your point of view.

MitziK · 18/09/2019 17:08

'Fuck off, you demented loon' should put an end to the conversation.

Rhinosarefatunicorns19 · 18/09/2019 17:10

'I'm sorry that you choose to believe unsubstantiated and ludicrous beliefs with regards to autism and I apologise for challenging your dangerous belief system through solid logic'

There job done

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