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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was ibu to react like this. Should i say sorry

349 replies

Anonmummyoftwo · 17/09/2019 18:09

Honestly it was a reaction i couldnt control. Before i could stop myself it just came out. Was waiting to lift ds5 from school today and chatting with the other mums. One said about her baby going next week for her year vaccines and another mum jumped in and said your really shouldnt my ds never got any of his because her sisters friends dd caught autism from them. Before i could stop myself i let out a laugh and said oh for god sake are you serious. I said you cant catch autism first off and second that bloody crap about the vaccine causing autism has been proven to be a load of crap. She tried to argue her point but i just said look im not listening and went in got my ds and left. A few mums agreed with me but this mum has just messaged me saying shes upset at how i acted and would like me to say sorry infront of the other mums at drop off in the morning. I told her im sorry for upsetting you but i wont say sorry at the school because i think shes being a fool. This is a grown woman whos at least 30 and truthfully i did think she was a smart woman till that. Do people really still think you can "catch" autism from a vaccine

OP posts:
BringTheBounceBack · 17/09/2019 22:06

Na I wouldn’t apologise.
Hard not to be a dick when people spout scare-mongering offensive shite round school playgrounds.

Dongdingdong · 17/09/2019 22:07

She’s completely wrong in what she said, but you were also wrong to point this out in such a rude way. So on balance - YABU

Bluntness100 · 17/09/2019 22:11

This is like you're both the school kids here. I'm not sure what comes over some women at the school gate.

It's incredibly ignorant to laugh at her, be rude to her, and stomp off. She's ill informed and equally as childish wanting an apology in front of others.

Honestly you're grown women. Not twelve year olds. Start acting like it.

JemSynergy · 17/09/2019 22:12

You have your views and she has hers. I have a friend who is very anti vaccines but she does what she does and I do what I do without getting into an argument or insulting each other.

imnotinthemood · 17/09/2019 22:16

You've already said sorry for upsetting her that should be enough. You don't agree with her she is wrong .
She's obviously insisting she's right. I'd have laughed at her too . I'd just keep my distance from her .

ThanosSavedMe · 17/09/2019 22:17

You can’t argue with stupid. Do not apologise.

CoinOperatedBoy · 17/09/2019 22:18

It's incredibly ignorant to laugh at her, be rude to her, and stomp off. She's ill informed and equally as childish wanting an apology in front of others.

I'm glad some others think like that too. All these posters patting IO on the back for having a rant at her - and what happened then? She went home and started sending the mother of a baby about to get vaccinated links to scare her into not doing it!

Yes she's massively in the wrong, and it's extremely dangerous what she's doing but by attacking her you can just add fuel to the fire.

Bluntness100 · 17/09/2019 22:19

The thing is op, you catch more bees with honey than vinegar. It's not hard "not to be a dick" as a pp said. Explaining to this woman, taking the discussion, may have helped her understand.

Being abusive is never the answer.

justgivemewine · 17/09/2019 22:22

Coin, but at leat the other mother has had the sense to block her

justgivemewine · 17/09/2019 22:22

at least

CoinOperatedBoy · 17/09/2019 22:27

@justgivemewine

Yes but the other mother may be having second thoughts now. The next mother may listen.

I just don't think attacking these people is the right way to do it. People who are so stuck in their ways like that tend to react how this anti-vac woman did to prove a point... "no one talks to me like that, I'll show them etc etc"...

I agree with all who are saying it's very childish. Which is why I asked if she's a teenager, because she sounds like one.

Saying that though this is how my ex MIL acts and shes 54.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 17/09/2019 22:31

Ask her would she apologise to the parents of pre vaccine aged babies put at risk from deadly diseases because of her ignorance!

Kaddm · 17/09/2019 22:47

Whilst I don't think you should apologise any further or engage with her, you were wrong IMO to get into that kind of playground scrap.

donquixotedelamancha · 17/09/2019 22:52

I just don't think attacking these people is the right way to do it.

I don't think OP attacked anyone. You are right that the proper nutters will never listen, but refusing to engage with people who do bad things helps to stop it from being normalised.

In general I think people should mind their own business and be tolerant but I wish everyone would have nothing to do with: anti vaxxers, homeopaths and parents who abandon their kids. Some things are a scourge on society.

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 17/09/2019 23:06

"Vaccines don't cause autism. Even if they did, would your really rather your child was dead that autistic? My (insert as appropriate) cousin/nephew/neighbour is autistic and I don't think they'd agree with you."

Italiangreyhound · 17/09/2019 23:50

YADNBU.

The scandal about immunizations has left children vulnerable to life-altering and life-ending diseases.

I'd maybe suggest she read about the subject and think about it before spreading dangerous misinformation.

Wakefield study linking MMR vaccine, autism uncovered as complete fraud

kidshealth.org/en/parents/autism-studies.html

www.nhs.uk/news/medication/no-link-between-mmr-and-autism-major-study-finds/

(Sorry if these have been posted before...)

leomama81 · 17/09/2019 23:55

OP didn't attack her, she just didn't engage, which is fair enough, you can't and shouldn't bother entertaining a conspiracy theory. She has apologized for any upset to the other mum, who wanted total validation instead is now behaving like a complete child and embarrassing herself by badgering everyone with this flat-earth, science denial rubbish. There's nothing else OP can or should do.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 18/09/2019 00:12

All these posters patting IO on the back for having a rant at her - and what happened then? She went home and started sending the mother of a baby about to get vaccinated links to scare her into not doing it!

How is that in any way the OP’s fault?

messolini9 · 18/09/2019 10:00

After that, it’s basically a difference of opinion and I would treat it as such.

But it's not a "difference of opinion", @Myriade.
It's a wilfully dangerous stance that endangers everyone else's children.

Original poster
Anonmummyoftwo · 18/09/2019 11:05

Did school run this morning. She stood waiting for me and asked was i ready to say sorry. I said we can have this conversation when the children are in class no need to have it right now. I walked on and she shouted after me you just wont admit you were in the wrong. I ignored her just. Pick up time and i will still ignore her

OP posts:
Ariadnepersephonecloud · 18/09/2019 11:14

I agree with @bringmewineandcake you were right but you were quite cruel in the way you went about it.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 18/09/2019 11:16

She sounds bonkers. Let her tantrum. Hope she doesn’t get a headache because headache pills can actually cause your left leg to drop off, fact. I read it on Dr McCrazys healthcare thread on trigger.

Italiangreyhound · 18/09/2019 11:17

This woman is a danger. I'm sorry this is happening.

EmmiJay · 18/09/2019 11:29

That shouty mum sounds like an absolute loon. If any mother told me my DD is autistic because shes vaccinated, I'm throttling her and giving her facts simultaneously. Shes lucky OP only laughed at her and called her out on the bullshit. To those saying OP was rude...🤣🤣🙄

KUGA · 18/09/2019 11:40

I think she is a cheeky cow.
PLEASEdo not apologise to her ,who the fc does she think she is and she wants you to do it in FRONT of the mothers.daft twat.