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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was ibu to react like this. Should i say sorry

349 replies

Anonmummyoftwo · 17/09/2019 18:09

Honestly it was a reaction i couldnt control. Before i could stop myself it just came out. Was waiting to lift ds5 from school today and chatting with the other mums. One said about her baby going next week for her year vaccines and another mum jumped in and said your really shouldnt my ds never got any of his because her sisters friends dd caught autism from them. Before i could stop myself i let out a laugh and said oh for god sake are you serious. I said you cant catch autism first off and second that bloody crap about the vaccine causing autism has been proven to be a load of crap. She tried to argue her point but i just said look im not listening and went in got my ds and left. A few mums agreed with me but this mum has just messaged me saying shes upset at how i acted and would like me to say sorry infront of the other mums at drop off in the morning. I told her im sorry for upsetting you but i wont say sorry at the school because i think shes being a fool. This is a grown woman whos at least 30 and truthfully i did think she was a smart woman till that. Do people really still think you can "catch" autism from a vaccine

OP posts:
Toffeecakes · 17/09/2019 21:00

You’ve apologised for upsetting her, do not apologise in front of the other mums. If she brings it up tell her, in earshot of the other mums, that you have already apologised for upsetting her via text and that there is nothing more to say on the matter. She’s batshit crazy. Avoid! YANBU, idiots need educating.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/09/2019 21:01

I would probably tell her you are sorry she is upset, but you consider it very dangerous to be spreading false information to others mums that puts children in danger.

If I was feeling arsey I might ask if she would like to apologise for spreading false information.

justgivemewine · 17/09/2019 21:02

No do not apologise. Thats like admitting you are wrong and she is right. Shes an idiot. I have a child with autism and would've reacted in a similar way, actually you were far more restrained than i wouldve been.

ChicCroissant · 17/09/2019 21:08

While I agree with you about anti-vaxers and don't think you should apologise for holding that view, it does sound as if you were extremely rude in the way you put them across and then you walked off when she tried to respond!

This matches the 'I tell it like it is, me' profile and it applies to both of you in this case! Expressing your own opinion is not telling it like it is - you did the same as her.

netflixfan · 17/09/2019 21:09

don't apologise. She will have to grow a thick skin if she is going to make a habit of talking shite in public, encouraging gullible people to put their children's health at risk.

leomama81 · 17/09/2019 21:10

I don't believe vaccines cause autism but there are plenty of people on the autism Facebook groups that do

Not anyone who actually works with autism. Just parents, who are obviously struggling and looking for something to blame, which is extremely sad and perhaps understandable but should not be equated with professional opinion. I was working with an autism society shortly after the Wakefield study came out and even then anyone professional was desperately urging parents not to listen to the charlatans. It's shocking to see how things have gone now.

As other PPs have pointed out, correlation (ie through symptoms developing around the same age of having the vaccine) is not causation.

Lanurk · 17/09/2019 21:12

In the playground I’d tell her I was sorry I called her on her ignorance and stupidity and suggest she looks at actual facts rather than fake bullshit spread by other lying anti vaxxers. But that’s just me Wink

donquixotedelamancha · 17/09/2019 21:12

I said you cant catch autism first off and second that bloody crap about the vaccine causing autism has been proven to be a load of crap. She tried to argue her point but i just said look im not listening and went in got my ds and left.

Well done OP. You behaved exactly correctly. If everyone did this there would be fewer dead children.

chickenyhead · 17/09/2019 21:17

I laugh at flat-earthers, same thing.

Some opinions should not be given listening room. They should stay hidden under their respective rocks.

chickenyhead · 17/09/2019 21:27

Of course you could point at her in front of all of the other mums and say

HA HA sorrrrreeeeeeeeeee

finn1020 · 17/09/2019 21:28

I’d laugh too. She’s an idiot and if she believes stupid things like that she should expect others to laugh at her.

Original poster
Anonmummyoftwo · 17/09/2019 21:34

Shes made a new whatsapp groups chat and added all the parents bar me to it. Shes now blocked most of the others and myself because they told her she needed to grow up. The mother whos child is due the vaccine has had to block her because she kept sending her links to websites to prove that vaccines can cause autism. I think in the morning on the school run i will do my best to ignore her. Iv said sorry for upsetting her but it seems she wants me to say sorry infront of others and make out that im now converted and will be a anti vaxxer.

OP posts:
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 17/09/2019 21:35

You are not in the wrong here and there’s no arguing with stupid.

FairyDust92 · 17/09/2019 21:35

Why should you apologise in front of the other mums? 😂 someone thinks highly of themselves!

I'd say to her. Can you say sorry for not vaccinating your child?
Can you say sorry to your child for your own selfishness if he gets ill because he can 'catch' autism.
Bloody CATCH. She is a fool! Does she allow her DC to socialise with people with autism or does he have to wear a face mask first.

CoinOperatedBoy · 17/09/2019 21:36

It's no way as bad but I get like this with the whole Johnny told me the other day he's interested in gymnastics! I quickly told him no darling that's for girls and told him to go practice his football!" it really riles me and I'm one for an OTT playground rant about it.

She's completely ignorant about autism and vaccinations and her 'advise' is dangerous. She needs educating but she's not going to listen if she's just ranted at or laughed at, it's going to make her more defensive. I think you know this though, I feel patronising saying it!

I'd say, (like I've had to before!) it's subject that really pushes my buttons and I'd (genuinely) apologise for reacting like that, and then I'd send her more information to back up the facts. That's all you can do really isn't it?

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/09/2019 21:39

@Anonmummyoftwo, she is acting in a very strange way now, she won't be making any friends.

When my eldest was at school a child in the year below was going through chemotherapy, the consequences of them catching something like measles could have been fatal. She needs to live in the real world and spend less time reading rubbish on the internet.

CoinOperatedBoy · 17/09/2019 21:39

Wow just seen the update. Are you sure she isnt 17?... Confused

Seven78 · 17/09/2019 21:41

As Jengnr said:

‘I’m sorry you’re so stupid’

Is all the apology you need. People can't spout these views unchallenged.

MissEliza · 17/09/2019 21:42

I'm happy to hear that someone has the courage to stand up to someone who tries to preach that crap. On most subjects, I bite my tongue but this is a subject where someone's batshit views can affect other people.
We had a minor mumps outbreak in our area this summer. Apparently as you get into your late teenage years, the effect of the vaccination wears off which is fine if all young children are getting vaccinated and therefore not getting these viruses. However as a small number of young children are not getting the MMR they are spreading it to teenagers who actually had the vaccination as children. Mumps, measles and rubella all carry potentially dangerous side effects and I'd be furious if my vaccinated children were put at risk because of nutters like her.

LaBelleSauvage · 17/09/2019 21:50

Some perspective:

Being a bit rude and abrupt could result in hurt feelings for a day or so.

Being vocal about anti-vax views results in dead babies and children.

Yours,

A doctor and a mummy.

MadameButterface · 17/09/2019 21:52

Anti vaxxers are truly awful. They need to fuck off spreading their ignorance around. Not only are they putting children and people with compromised immunity at grave risk, it is down to the propagation of this ignorant bullshit that health workers in vaccine programmes (overwhelmingly women) around the world are being murdered.

She should hang her head in shame and fuck off while she does so

MissEliza · 17/09/2019 21:55

It's about time this country insisted on pupils and students being fully vaccinated when they enrol.

Monkeyplanet · 17/09/2019 21:57

Please don't apologise. The UK has lost its measles free status due to this ignorance and people applying false equivalence to science and anti vaxxers and their nonsense. Spouting these lies is deadly and dangerous. I'm not one for shaming but in this instance I wouldn't even have apologised to her personally. I think you had the correct response by refusing to engage with her at all on the matter and going to fetch your DS

JanMeyer · 17/09/2019 22:02

but I can see that it you had one child who developed autism after a vaccine why you might be anti vaccines

Children don't "develop" autism, they're born with it.

ultrablue · 17/09/2019 22:03

**Had similar recently, ds was in hospital and in the playroom and a mum starts talking to me (great, bad enough being kept in) then her dh comes in and I’m suddenly being interrogated about my kids and my choice to vaccinate. In a hospital. Fucks sake.
I just laughed. She had the nerve to say her dd had autism that she’d caught from her immunisations so she knew first hand. Drs we’re doing their rounds and I said Jesus you wanna speak to a dr about that love, I’m no dr but I know you can’t ‘catch’ autism! Told my kid to go back to his bed and left her stewing.

How stupid can people be!? It’s dangerous!**

Hmm I had all my DC immunised.. my DD1 was diagnosed with autism years later. Do I blame the immunization? No.. looking back certain signs were there before immunization anyway..

It's utter rubbish, if most of a population are immunized then of course the common denominator is going to be that injection.. what about people who are now diagnosed with autism in later life or not at all when it wasn't a recognised condition and hadn't received the injection? Where did they "catch" it from...it's really not rocket science is it, it's a condition that affects people that's all. You can find a common denominator for any condition if you look hard enough..