Parents keep baby’s sex a secret to avoid gender bias

[Doyoumind]

This story has been covered pretty widely but I don't think it's been mentioned on here.

A couple have a 17 month old who they refer to as 'they' and the couple didn't even tell family what sex the child is.

Fine, keep things gender neutral and avoid stereotypes but referring to your child only as 'they' is totally othering. They will soon hear other children being referred to differently.

Pretty soon that child will be talking. Unless it lives in a bubble and never has stories read to it that child will understand there are boys and girls and wonder which they are. They will start to realise the difference between when mummy and daddy go to the toilet, unless they are never to be seen naked. At that point they will know whether they are a boy or a girl if their parents are honest and explain the physical differences between male and female.

Their parents might be able to shield them from gender stereotypes to some extent bit they can't deny the obvious biology.

Or are they going to say only some men have penises and some women do too?

I would expect the task of potty training will make them see sense.
If it's a boy no racing around looking for a proper loo. Ime a ds will pee anywhere!

What's wrong with being a boy? Or being a girl? I'm (quietly) proud of all the amazing things I can do because I'm a biological female. Why aren't boys allowed to be proud too?

The message I would be taking if I was this child is that my parents were disappointed that I turned out to be a boy. That poor little boy ☹️

@SmellbowSpaceBowl that's the ones I was thinking of! Really thought it was much longer ago than that! It all seems like an awful lot of talking and hassle when they could just let their kids dress however they like and be done with it. It does feel like they're reinforcing stereotypes rather than breaking them down.

These stories all feel quite same-y now rather than unique and groundbreaking.

it must be so nice to just have this to worry about as a parent. really is this just so the parents can feel different and special.**@Samcro
Got it in one.

The main issue I have is the parents and media are using gender when they mean sex, this is the root of the problem- sex and gender are different things and using them in this interchangeable way is damaging.

THISTHISTHISTHIS!!!

Stop the world!

I feel sick. I want to get off . . .

While I’m not sure the parents in this situation have found the ideal solution I can see why they have tried to do something. Studies have shown that people who believe they wouldn’t show gender bias towards babies in fact do. They have put baby boys in girls clothing and girls in boys and out them into a room with strangers and people do drift toward giving girls dolls and teddies and boys cars and trucks. With the best will in the world it is not as simple as saying that we should just let them be them and tell people to treat them equally or that as a society we don’t treat toddler boys and girls differently because studies say we do.
I don’t get the impression this couple are doing this do the child doesn’t know who they are it is to avoid other people treating them in a certain way. Seems a bit bonkers yes but I can see what their thinking was as well 🤷🏻‍♀️

This couple's child is definitely a boy.

don't know if it has already been posted, but link to the article if anyone wants to read it x

They are weirdos. The poor toddler.

I remember the story years ago about a boy whose parents didn’t want him to have weapon toys such as water pistols and preferred toys like Lego. Then the kid proceeded to build Lego guns instead!

It's just weird, I bought my DD's cars, trains, a when I grow up I'm going to be a scientist t shirt etc from the boys aisle. They are both quite feminine in choice of clothes as adults but one is an engineer. Teach kids it's ok to be different rather than denying biology

The whole "why should anyone even know a child's biological sex" thing is bonkers. I remember having crushes on boys as early as 8/9, maybe before, and being nervous around boys because in my class they happened to be led by a bully. Kids earlier than that have pretend boyfriends and girlfriends. Kids earlier than that have acted out abuse on each other, there have been threads here about it.

I'm trying to be cautious on how I word this, because I'm not saying that children have a sex drive as such (or are remotely ready for that, they're not), but there is definitely curiosity and the capacity for sexual abuse there.

I guess I believe that the bodies we grow up in matter and they have differences which require some attention and care. That includes single sex spaces like toilets.

That DOESN'T mean though that one gets pink toys and the other blue of course, or one goes into nursing and the other into politics etc.

Why broadcast your child's personal info to all kinds of media, children have a right to privacy and not to have their genitals dragged across every news outlet and website under the sun, when he she they (or whatever utter bollocks the nutjob parents are pedalling) grows up they're going to hate their parents for all the attention seeking they're doing at the poor child's expense

Of course they want speculation, that's why they contacted the media

It depends. They clearly have issues and are probably easy to manipulate.

I'm assuming they were approached by an assertive journalist saying things like, "Be brave and tell your story! Help other people do the same! Let everyone know how wonderful this idea is. No, no, it's not a freakshow click-bate article at all" - rather than them emailing the nationals.

But who knows.

*clickbait even

So I just listened to the grandmother of the child in question on LBC (rang into James ob’s show this morning): I think I understand more and dare I say “get it”. However I was lost at the very end when she said around 2/3 yrs old the child will learn what daddy has and what mummy has and can decide what they want to be. I applaud the be who you want to be but not what you want to be- biologically you are one of the other but that shouldn’t dictate everything!

well when would kids learn/decide what sex they actually are?

Sex is biological, you don't 'decide' it generally. You are male or female and that presents physically (without getting into transsexual) our bodies and DNA determine our sex. gender is the social construct that is the hot topic and is continually confused with sex.

That DOESN'T mean though that one gets pink toys and the other blue of course, or one goes into nursing and the other into politics etc.
Exactly! Genitals do not, or should not, dictate our lives other than the male/female roles in reproduction.