If your friend has a skill that could help you, would you expect to pay full price?

[thisusernameismine]

Not sure if this has been talked about before - but in short, a friend of mine (known for many many years but see each other only annually as on opposite sides of the world) has become a life coach in the last couple of years. The friend does talk about it often when we meet and I'm very proud of how she's made a success of a new career.

I'm at the end of mat leave and feeling in a bit of a rut in terms of my career - I feel it's a dead end job and I'd love to completely change what I do for a living but have a big inner critic (this is my main issue and the kind of problem my friend specialises in). I shared this with my friend and asked her if she thought coaching me could work given we know each other so well. I fully expect to pay as it's her business, but my DH is outraged that I'm being charged full price for the exploratory session. The coaching packages are a little extortionate so I'm not sure if I could afford them anyway (mat leave pay!) but possibly could just about pay for the smallest programme.

Just interested in others' opinions as my Dh's is so different from mine. He said if a good friend of his had a skill, they would never charge him as it's only 1-3 hours I'm being offered so in his opinion, hardly damaging for her business. I'm not sure whether to go ahead now

I give effectively mates rates or foc.

I also receive the same from professionals that I met along the way. We help each other.

I'd expect to pay full whack if I used their services during office hours. Outside I'd expect mate rates, but perhaps a freebie if s/he was a very close friend or family member who I would repay by taking out for lunch/drinks or similar.

When my friend had a company of life coaches across the world/country,I'd expect freebies. In the meantime, I'd expect to support her business fully.

I'm self employed and I'll do deals where we barter services, but I don't work for mates rates or for free any more. I did at the start of my career when I wanted to build a portfolio, but I have more work than I need now.

I did do some mate rate work for one friend, but I found that I always left her work till last because I had better paid stuff that needed doing. Eventually she said she'd rather just pay me the full rate and know that her work was the same priority as everyone else's.

I certainly don't do work for anyone in the evenings or weekends - I've spent the day working and I'm knackered and the last thing I want to do is a few more hours of work.

It taught me a lesson that cheap customers aren't worth bothering with, they're too much hard work, someone who doesn't value skills or investment in equipment or business running costs isn't someone I'm that fussed about getting a good name with, or recommendations from.. I'd rather have proper paying customers who value what I offer.

Yes exactly. I turn away quite a few customers who give off the vibe that they don't value the work I'm doing. I've had people ask me how they can get a project done cheaper, and I just suggest they find someone else to do it.

DP is a tradesman and long stopped doing mates rates.

He does reduced rate for close friends (90% of his daily price so not a massive reduction) and he does help family for free but as he often works 6 days per week its usually just for a few hours here and there. His very wealthy brother and SIL have employed him before and paid full rate as he was unable to do any other full price jobs during the time he was with them.

I live abroad and used to teach English as a foreign language. I have a degree in English, qualified teacher status, a TEFL qualification and about 15 years teaching experience. The sheer number of people who expected mates rates for 1:1 tailored, individual tuition with vast amounts of email feedback in the local language (which they knew at that point I found it laborious to write in) for their teenagers was astounding. People I only knew slightly (people who had a younger child in one of my children's class or just at the same school, or in one jaw dropping case DD's music teacher who charging us full whack, no special treatment) were expecting me to tutor their children individually at times to suit them, for less than the prices charged by six formers or for tuition companies who tie parents into a year long contract and teach in groups of 5.

The rationale was always that it was no bother for me because I'm a native speaker, they were shocked I didn't happily take on all comers with total flexibility and individual lesson plans and unlimited parent contact for the same price as a place on my classroom based courses (where 15-20 people were paying to cover my rate!).

Life coaching is even more intangible a skill than teaching your native language. It's because people think it's just a chat and anyone could do it that some don't expect to pay properly.

I'm very sceptical of life coaching though tbh and wouldn't pay for it - but I also wouldn't expect it for free or cheap rates! It's her business and clearly people do pay, it's not free advice down the pub.

Very different sphere but I’m a decent artist (not exactly amazing but good enough) and none of my friends showed any real interest in that skill until they had DC and suddenly I was in demand for decorating nurseries, bespoke hand made cards, posters for older kids because I’m not too bad at recreating styles/characters that are popular.

I had to explain I can’t do it all for free (despite not really doing it as a living but more as a hobby) because the cost of equipment/supplies adds up quick and to decorate a nursery with particular characters painted by hand is very time consuming. Most of them said I was a CF for asking to be paid so I told them to bugger off and ask someone else to do it.

Thankfully a couple were happy to pay as they’d have felt awkward not to. I did it at a low hourly rate for them as I’m not a professional but I couldn’t believe those who thought I was cheeky for asking to be paid a bit towards the hours and supplies... they could understand when I explained they were CF’s for expecting it for free!

Ah well, others have given some excellent advice here OP. I think if you feel you’re in a rut maybe a qualified therapist is a better option if you can.

Your DH might think it’s outrageous if he does a lot of prid quo pro in his business. My Step Dad does this frequently saying he’d rather that than money when doing work for friends.

Yes. My hairdresser friend cuts my hair and I'll pay full price. She could be doing someone else's hair during my slot so I don't want her to loose out on money

I trained for 6 years to do what I do and have to pay hefty professional indemnity insurance. I give my services for free one month a year to a local charity. Everyone else can pay full whack I have a business to run.

yes. absolutely.

Now if someone offered to do my gardening, clean my house or drive my kids everywhere in return for me doing some work for them I'd seriously consider it. But strangely, they're always too busy.

I think it really depends on the friend. You should go in expecting to pay full price but plenty of people will discount depending on how much work it is for them. I have no idea how much work goes into life coaching so cant really comment specifically. If a friend was doing a hard labour job for me I'd probably insist on paying full price. Conversely, I'm a bit of an artist on the side and have done work for friends for free, at a discount or at a time I wasnt taking on new work. But in these cases the subject/idea they had for the painting was a good idea that I thought would be fun to do anyway.

I'm a trained beauty specialist and nail tech.... you know how many people just assumed they would get some thing for free or money knocked off because they knew me? A ridiculous amount.
I learnt my lesson quickly because the next thing I knew they would have told a friend and they then assumed it wouldn't be full price when I would have charged less.. people can take the piss and at the end of the day friend or not it's still her job and how she earns her money.
I'm now training to be a barber and already have people saying things like "oh I'll be able to bring my son to you saves so much hassle and money" and the cycle continues 😂

I think knocking abit off if you're really close see eachother alot friends.. but it is her job and you would still be a client at the end of the day.
(Disclaimer before I'm jumped on I obvs know the OP is going to start turning up with a friend it's just my personal experience of this kind of thing.)

Wow so much advice on here thanks all! Glad I'm right but very good point about using a friend as a life coach. We go back 20+ years... but I'm worried now that if I back out it may look like it's because I don't want to pay

If you can't be honest with her, then she definitely shouldn't be your life coach.

You should just say that you've taken advice (don't have to say where from!!) and realised that you wouldn't be able to have an appropriate client-coach/therapist relationship with her as you both know each other too well, so you're going to try someone else - she'll know it's not about the money then because you'll be paying someone else anyway!

I would offer to pay full price but hope for a small discount. I would refuse to accept free in most cases as this would mean my friend losing money and that's not on.

My friends wouldn't charge me full price for their services, and I wouldn't charge them full price for mine.

Even friends and family who I could never pay back in terms of my time or skills... wouldn't charge me! If it was a bigger job or service, then they would charge me a discounted rate. Surprised so many people are saying the opposite!

What do people think the word 'mates rates' means?

Just an example when I was younger I used to babysit regularly. My friend had a baby and I had her fairly frequently, sometimes even overnight but I would have never dreamed of charging her! She was really thankful and would offer to pay me but I would refuse. I could have never taken money from her!? She would often give me small gifts to say thank you... but I never expected it.

As your friends services sound expensive, I would probably just expect a discounted rate? I can see where your husband is coming from.
The fact that she has been clear about the price from the beginning is good though, she may just need the money and can't afford to discount? Or maybe she just doesn't want it discount. Me and my friends and family must just be generous with each other 😂

I sent my son to my friend who was a career counselor. She did an excellent job and I paid full price.

I think it is stickier when it comes to life coaching, though--it's hard to draw the line between when someone is being a friend and being a life coach.

I have a skill that helps friends and I would never charge them. I am self employed

Sorry I should say mine would be a one off thing and lots of advice. If I was a nail tech or something similar I would charge friends

What do people think the word 'mates rates' means?

In my experience it means "Would you design a website and logo for me, and set up my social media marketing for me, and fix all my technical issues, and only charge me around $200 for providing a service worth several thousand dollars?'

Not happening.

I dont think anyone can really say your way of doing it is either right or wrong.

In our circle we do favours and favours are done for us, none of us have an inherent expectation of anything, but we most definitely help eachother where we can which works for us, but potentially If we were a record keeping type, it could turn friendships sour, so in that respect, can also understand why some people keep it as "ok, my rate is" and it's the same friend or normal sort of customer.

Whatever works for you and that particular relationship.