If your friend has a skill that could help you, would you expect to pay full price?

[thisusernameismine]

Not sure if this has been talked about before - but in short, a friend of mine (known for many many years but see each other only annually as on opposite sides of the world) has become a life coach in the last couple of years. The friend does talk about it often when we meet and I'm very proud of how she's made a success of a new career.

I'm at the end of mat leave and feeling in a bit of a rut in terms of my career - I feel it's a dead end job and I'd love to completely change what I do for a living but have a big inner critic (this is my main issue and the kind of problem my friend specialises in). I shared this with my friend and asked her if she thought coaching me could work given we know each other so well. I fully expect to pay as it's her business, but my DH is outraged that I'm being charged full price for the exploratory session. The coaching packages are a little extortionate so I'm not sure if I could afford them anyway (mat leave pay!) but possibly could just about pay for the smallest programme.

Just interested in others' opinions as my Dh's is so different from mine. He said if a good friend of his had a skill, they would never charge him as it's only 1-3 hours I'm being offered so in his opinion, hardly damaging for her business. I'm not sure whether to go ahead now

I'd completely expect to pay the full fee, but as others have said I wouldn't go to a friend for this.

I think your DH has it wrong. If you want to pay a friend less than the actual rate for their skill, then you're a bad friend to them. Mates don't pay mate's rates, because they would be exploiting their friend.

I have a few friends who have their own businesses and one tries constantly to undercharge. She's enormously skilled and talented and I won't let her - why should she have less money for her own kids? What sort of friend would I be if I expected, or even allowed, that?

I've been offered discounts more than once. I say thank you for the lovely offer, but nope. They're a mate, and (good) mates don't want to pay mate's rates, because they're exploiting a friend by doing it.

Yes I'd expect to pay full price. If someone has to give discounts and freebies to everyone they know, they'll quickly deplete their profits and they're running a business, not a community outreach programme.

I'd completely expect to pay the full fee, but as others have said I wouldn't go to a friend for this.

Yeah, that's also true.

I appreciate backing out may feel awkward, but quite honestly she probably feels weird about doing it, too! You could ask her to recommend someone she rates, instead, explaining that you do value her skill (and therefore her recommendation, too) but on reflection you think it would cross some lines to have a good friend do it, perhaps?

You should definitely pay. With a good life coach, it shouldn't matter that she is your friend. You can take away the lessons and complete them/think about them.
I'd at least book the initial exploratory one. If you feel she's pigeonholing you or your friendship is a drawback, you can just say it didn't work for you. And ask her to recommend someone else.
I'd be a bit wary that your DH's attitude is partly because he doesn't want you accessing coaching at all.

My husbands a dentist and we wouldn't charge friends for treatment! I think it's rude tbh!

I would expect to pay full price no such thing as mates rates when you have bills to pay

Another point about taking something for free / much cheaper is that it can make it hard to ask again in the future - though no doubt the CFs would be un-bothered by this

Several friends provide services which I use occasionally and very much value, not least because they're darned good at what they do. One in particular always tries to charge me less, but I've always refused ... mainly because I don't think it would be fair, but also, I admit, because I don't want to feel awkward asking her next time

Your husband is wrong.

My husband is a electrician and the amount of people who want him to give up all his free time for them is unbelievable. My gran needs this my cousin needs this. The amount of people who want a 6 hour job done for free or for a token bottle of wine. It gets to the point you just have to say no and pay full price . I pay all my friends full price for their expertise it’s so cheeky not too.

My first instinct is the same as PPs; I wouldn’t go to a friend for Life Coaching. I’m a psychotherapist (which I know is different) and I don’t see people who are friends because I don’t want to get into the money conversation but mainly because there is a boundary crossed where I already know them and they know about me. What if she does a poor job? What if what she knows about you gets in the way of impartial advice? What if her coaching then gets in the way of your friendship because of what you disclose? I’d find a Properly trained/accredited LC who is neutral.

I'd expect to pay full price, unless I had a skill to offer too perhaps? For instance my friend does Swedish massage and I do Reiki, we don't charge each other. I have another friend who is a hairdresser, she does hair and gets her nails done in return from nail technician. You get the idea!

I would never charge someone I love for my time, my expenses yes, but not just my time

Hmm, it depends. I would not want to be paid doing something for a close friend, if it was a one off. A friend in my wider circle, I would feel awkward actually. It is tricky. I have always paid friends properly when they have done things like gardening, painting etc, but the partner of one of my closest friends did me a one off favour that took him under two hours, and I was really shocked when he billed me, as my DH had done things to help my friend. If the situation had been reversed DH would absolutely not have wanted any cash.
So I think it varies with the closeness and the situation, and how willing you are to also help out the friend in turn.

Not read full thread but I am a career coach and have often looked at friends CVs or given interview coaching for free over the years. I would never think of charging them for this advice and support.

I'd say if there turns out to be numerous sessions I'd probably establish some agreement but not for one session.

Agree would be better to find someone completely impartial rather than a friend for life coaching sessions. I'd personally find this a bit awkward even if she is a professional.

I would always offer full payment although probably for a close friend, I’d (secretly) hope for mate rates. Wouldn’t be upset if they weren’t offered though!

I tutor maths and wouldn’t charge family or close friends at all.

Well I probably wouldn't seek the service from my friend, in order to avoid potential awkwardness. Though occasionally one has given me a type of food she sells, for free.

I offer my professional skills free to the local community anyway, and I would prefer to live in a society where people help each other in general and we all consume less overall.

I shuddered when I saw this post because expecting mates rates is demonised on mumsnet. I can sort of see why because people are trying to make a living but if I had one or two very good friends I would be tempted to give them mates rates for a skill. But as others have said I wouldn't go to a friend for life coaching/counselling etc.

I wouldn't go to a friend for something as personal as this, she may feel extra pressure because she knows you so well and you may not be entirely happy with her if she doesn't help you adequately.

But the point of the post - I make something and sometimes family ask me to do one for a special occasion. They give me token gifts - bottle of gin, bunch of flowers, twenty quid - etc - for "my time" when in reality I'm always out money because I have to buy materials to make the thing for them. It pisses me off, so I don't always say yes. My DH thinks I should be charging full price. So I can see both sides. Yes, it's nice to be able to help a friend, but also yes, it would be nice to be paid properly for your time and skill.

Against the tide but I’d expect a discount or some e tea time - and would give the same.
I tutor and I do give mates rates, not massively reduced but a little.

I am always nervous about getting friends with skills to do the work. It makes everything so much trickier if things go wrong. I would never assume ‘mate’’s rates’ either - it’s lovely if they offer, but ultimately, this is their livelihood ....

Our NDN cat sits and does the garden when we go away. He is a self employed gardener so I pay him his going rate for that because it’s his job...he politely tries to refuse but I know it eases my conscience.

I absolutely agree with Kazzyhoward where mates rates 'is usually when people aren't reliant on it for their living.'

This is clearly your friends living. What can you offer her at mates rates in return?

My hairdresser friend cuts my hair occasionally before we go out on a Saturday night. I’m her 24/7 tech support. I’ve def put more hours into this than she has!

I also agree with many other posters. It feels too close to home to have her as a life coach

I'd pay the full price.

Does your DH work for free?