If your friend has a skill that could help you, would you expect to pay full price?

[thisusernameismine]

Not sure if this has been talked about before - but in short, a friend of mine (known for many many years but see each other only annually as on opposite sides of the world) has become a life coach in the last couple of years. The friend does talk about it often when we meet and I'm very proud of how she's made a success of a new career.

I'm at the end of mat leave and feeling in a bit of a rut in terms of my career - I feel it's a dead end job and I'd love to completely change what I do for a living but have a big inner critic (this is my main issue and the kind of problem my friend specialises in). I shared this with my friend and asked her if she thought coaching me could work given we know each other so well. I fully expect to pay as it's her business, but my DH is outraged that I'm being charged full price for the exploratory session. The coaching packages are a little extortionate so I'm not sure if I could afford them anyway (mat leave pay!) but possibly could just about pay for the smallest programme.

Just interested in others' opinions as my Dh's is so different from mine. He said if a good friend of his had a skill, they would never charge him as it's only 1-3 hours I'm being offered so in his opinion, hardly damaging for her business. I'm not sure whether to go ahead now

As a teacher of a core subject, there are very few people I would tutor for free. I can think of two, off the top of my head, because their parents are dear friends and I think my input could make a difference.

OTOH, my 'skill' costs only time - no ingredients or other financial investment on my part. I would not ever think of expecting something for free - I would possibly hope for mates rates, but the last time I commissioned something which cost the maker both time and money, I insisted that they didn't give mates rates, as I wanted them to know that they weren't expected, as they had the usual financial commitments. I liked their product and they happened to be a friend.

I think your dh is stirring and he is being U!
You were happy enough with the arrangement before he stuck his oar in.
If it's too much money don't pay it or see someone cheaper. Are you sure it wouldn't be better to see someone you don't know?

I also think some people are just REALLY entitled.

I have a part-time job and a part-time business, and juggling the two can sometimes be hard work. I need to make the hours that I am focused on my business pay and frankly I am not achieving this a lot of the time at the moment, and I'm struggling as a result to the point that I think it really isn't long term sustainable. Someone I know - not really even a friend, just someone I've met maybe twice for lunch in the last five years - asked me to do what was effectively 2 whole days of work for free. I said no, and explained that I didn't work for free, but would give her a mates rates discount (which is stretching things anyway, as we're not really mates). She proceeded to give me a whole sob story about 'maternity pay', trying to persuade me to change my mind.

She lives in a £500k house (in a part of the country where this represents a very, very high end property) and she and her partner have two very good wages coming in. I have nothing like that lifestyle! Her inability to understand was just... staggering.

Oops, pressed 'post' too soon. Just wanted to add that setting up a new business is really, really tough and that your friend does have a right to be paid for her services. It does actually hurt - it feels devaluing - to be asked to work for free when you are struggling. I think your DH's situation is really different, and not comparable.

Yes, because professional indemnity insurance is an ever present thought for us, which has to be paid for - otherwise there’s the risk of being sued, with no recompense!

I've bartered with friend - without outing myself - I have on skill she wanted access to - she has another that I use regularly - I did and hour for her and she did the same in return - could that work?

I'd insist on paying full price/ the proper going rate for any help from a friend. Too many people wanting things for nothing and users around.

I'm self employed. I don't do mates rates, but i sometimes do trades depending on the person, e.g. 1 hour of my expertise = sew me a cute tote bag. Those who ask for mates rates aren't mates. Bil asked me to teach his children and when I told him my rates he exclaimed 'but I pay my cleaner X!' which was a very low rate, even for cleaners. Cheeky bugger.

It would be nice go get a discount, it depends how close to you they are? It also depends on how good they are at the job.
We've one childhood friend who is a struggling solicitor she has her own firm but often has go wait on payments, the others in the group drive me insane if they have any issues around ex partners, maintenance, family law they call her. The majority of the group have bought and sold easily 10 homes between them over the years, not one has ever employed her for the sale.

I'm not sure I would want a friend to be my "life coach." If they were, I would want it to be a formal agreement, paying full price, to make the boundary between friendship and professional advice as clear as possible. Nevertheless, I think it's almost as weird as, eg, a mentally ill person being friends with their psychiatrist. Sometimes a professional distance is desirable.

They call free for free legal advice.

In your case yes you should pay full price or thereabouts. DB is in a specialist trade and lots of his friends are also tradesmen in various fields, they essentially swap favours, eg I'll draft the plans for your new extension no problem (often s nice bottle of something is given), then a year or so down the line oh you want under floor heating installed sure I'll do that, and I'll get you a trade discount on the materials, so they all benefit, most of them bought absolute wrecks of first houses and they all worked on them at various points. Your deal isn't likely to be reciprocal.

What if all her friends asked her for freebies?? she can't afford that. You're right to pay.

Depends on the skill and what I need. If I needed some quick help with an Excel spreadsheet and my friend had a business designing them I would expect them to help me for free. If I wanted full on advice / anything in depth I would expect to pay.

I think what would make me a bit 🙄 about this situation is that life coaching involves listening and giving advice, support and information all of which a friend would do in the normal run of things. So it's kind of like she's charging you to be your friend!

I mean, I know it's not exactly the same, but it is a bit, which makes it strange.

Agree with others that you're probably better off going to someone with whom you can have professional distance anyway.

I wouldn't ask a friend to provide life coaching for me (but then again, I wouldn't ask anybody, seems like a loads of rubbish to me...) but as a general rule, I'd expect to pay the going rate - it's their job and they need to earn a living.

DB is in a specialist trade and lots of his friends are also tradesmen in various fields, they essentially swap favours,

It works for tradesmen because they don't then have to worry about VAT, CIS, invoicing, etc. It saves them money to just "barter" between themselves. It may mean they don't have to register for VAT which saves even more money! (It's not actually legal but HMRC have a hard job proving anything - basically just tax evasion - the black economy!)

Some people are CFs. You are right to expect to pay full price. My friend is a mechanic and I send my car to him because I know him, I trust him and like to support his business. I always pay the same as a stranger and would never expect a discount. I feel happier knowing that I'm supporting a small business and it makes it better that it's a friend's business.

I would expect them to help me for free

Glad I don't have friends like that!

I think it should be a reduced fee because it is on a par with what you do as a friend, anyway.

You listen and offer advice/solutions.

I'm a trained Councillor, I've worked in various Social Care roles and I've used my, time, knowledge and skills to help both friends and neighbours.

I think it should be a reduced fee because it is on a par with what you do as a friend, anyway

This is the definition of 'cheeky fucker'.

I prefer to ask my friends who have a skill I could use to recommend someone. I have a skill people could use and I would prefer not to do it for friends because it's awkward. I say I find it awkward to mix friendship and business but I can recommend someone.

Curiously, a lot of people lose interest if they have to pay full rate.

But i wouldn't expect a reduced rate or a freebie if the help was given during working hours and it was physical, painting/mechanic/gardening etc.

Self employed here and no one gets mates rates. When you work, these people are clients.
Someone has to pay for my time, training, insurance and licenses . Anyone who expects mates rates is devaluing my skill

I wouldn't go to a life coaching session with anyone I know.

Honestly, I would hope for a discount but I wouldn't expect it either. Obviously anything that is a big job and taking time away from a paying customer then that service should be paid. But I do think there is a grey area when it's a favour of helping a friend with something and when you are hired.
Anyways, these should be agreed beforehand to avoid awkwardness.