If your friend has a skill that could help you, would you expect to pay full price?

[thisusernameismine]

Not sure if this has been talked about before - but in short, a friend of mine (known for many many years but see each other only annually as on opposite sides of the world) has become a life coach in the last couple of years. The friend does talk about it often when we meet and I'm very proud of how she's made a success of a new career.

I'm at the end of mat leave and feeling in a bit of a rut in terms of my career - I feel it's a dead end job and I'd love to completely change what I do for a living but have a big inner critic (this is my main issue and the kind of problem my friend specialises in). I shared this with my friend and asked her if she thought coaching me could work given we know each other so well. I fully expect to pay as it's her business, but my DH is outraged that I'm being charged full price for the exploratory session. The coaching packages are a little extortionate so I'm not sure if I could afford them anyway (mat leave pay!) but possibly could just about pay for the smallest programme.

Just interested in others' opinions as my Dh's is so different from mine. He said if a good friend of his had a skill, they would never charge him as it's only 1-3 hours I'm being offered so in his opinion, hardly damaging for her business. I'm not sure whether to go ahead now

I’ve run my own businesses for the last 8 years or so and had every variation of experience.

Often friends will ask me to do something and pay full price. If they do this, I always offer a discount if it’s someone close. Sometimes if I have the time (not so much since I had my twins) I’ll do it for free.

If people I know ask me to do something for nothing or next to nothing I just say know. One memorable example was someone asking me to make an item for them for less than they’d found it for elsewhere, which was £100 - it was an extremely intricate thing which would have taken a month of intense work and cost about £70 to make. Obviously I refused.

I would expect to pay full price to any friend running a business - if I want their service I’ll pay for it.

wouldn’t go to a friend for coaching like this, in the same way that I wouldn’t go to a counselling friend for counselling. By all means go to a life coach, but choose someone you don’t know, and who can be impartial. I’m surprised your friend agreed to do it rather than recommending someone else.

This for me too.

FWIW I write CVs for a living. I'll happily help friends at a discount (it always results in further referrals, anyway!), and I will also quietly offer to help for free if I know things are difficult financially - but this represents 1 hour a week at most, which I can justify to myself.

Your friend is trying to make a living just like you.
Mates rates possibly but perhaps you don't appreciate their work much.

I would expect to pay full price - her training, her skills, how she makes her living.

On the other hand a friend made our wedding cake and I refused to pay her the price she quoted because this was the first wedding cake she had ever made and so although she had qualified as a pattisier she had no experience or portfolio at that point to justify charging full price. So it does depend

You refused to pay her the quoted price? I really hope that this is just a goady post, otherwise I hope that you choked on the wedding cake! Rude!

I would expect to pay but be very grateful if a discount was offered

Yeah I think it's inappropriate to go to a friend for life coaching as well, you should try to find someone else.

It's not unreasonable of her to charge her normal rates but I would probably give a friend a discount if I was providing a service for them.

I'd expect to pay full price, whilst probably secretly hoping for a little bit of 'mates rates' - I wouldn't feel entitled to that or expect them to damage their earning potential on my behalf though. And your friend sounds as if she's only just starting out - perhaps needs the money.

Have to say I wouldn't want life coaching from a mate, but obvs that's up to you! Good luck with getting out of your 'rut' and moving on.

On the other hand a friend made our wedding cake and I refused to pay her the price she quoted because this was the first wedding cake she had ever made and so although she had qualified as a pattisier she had no experience or portfolio at that point to justify charging full price. So it does depend

😳

And she still made your wedding cake after that?

Do you have any idea how time consuming a wedding cake is?

I wouldn't call life coaching a skill tbh. However I'd expect to pay full price - but would be hoping they'd do me a discount!

The wedding cake was the price agreed beforehand or did you just tell her after you’d got the cake off the friend that you were not about to pay her for her services?

Baking is time consuming and if your using good quality ingredients is expensive anyway plus the resources used to cook everything.

I stopped baking for the reason people used to take the piss, ‘but I could buy a cake from Asda for £2’, okeydokey why don’t you do that then 🙄

There’s been plenty of threads on here about CF’s who want mates rate / freebies. Personally, I wouldn’t dream of asking for one. I’m newly self employed tho so I’m waiting for the requests to start.

Either you value the skills of a friend, in which case pay the rate that they have set for those skills; or you don't in which case use someone else.

Mmmm depends. My husband has a building company so we for example get our cars fixed for just parts from a mechanic friend and when he wants a patio or a walk or anything doing to his house dh helps him out. There’s also a plumber, an electrician etc, it works well.

I stopped baking for the reason people used to take the piss, ‘but I could buy a cake from Asda for £2’, okeydokey why don’t you do that then

Yup. Someone once asked me to “price match” an item I made to one she found on Etsy - mine was much more intricate and used better quality materials. I explained I couldn’t do that as it cost more than that to make, but obviously she could just buy the cheaper one and she actually said “yes, but yours is so much nicer”

🤦‍♀️

I would expect to pay and be very grateful for any type of discount offered no matter how small.

I think it would depend on the service, help and the nature of the friendship.

If it's the sort of friendship where Dave's an electrician so could double check some of DH's wiring or offer advice and in return DH has given him a hand when he's needed some stuff taking to the tip then I would have that as free or mates rates. They're odd job sort of helping out.

Equally we had lots of family and friends help with bits for our wedding (lots of crafty people) and that was a lovely gesture. We do the same for them. One of my friends will do nails for people if they've got weekend events and people take a bottle of fizz, some chocolates etc over. All that is helping friends using your talents.

For ongoing services I think that's very different and it's easy for friends to take the piss. For example, a friend of mine was resitting English GCSE but would get in touch so much about everything that some days what they were wanting was private tuition but without calling it that. Life coaching is another one that could blur boundaries between friendly helping and their career.
If you want a life coach you're better seeing someone else and I think it's wrong to expect services that are someone's livelihood to be reduced or free when it eats into time they could be working and earning

wouldn’t go to a friend for coaching like this, in the same way that I wouldn’t go to a counselling friend for counselling. By all means go to a life coach, but choose someone you don’t know, and who can be impartial. I’m surprised your friend agreed to do it rather than recommending someone else.

This x100

Mmmm depends. My husband has a building company so we for example get our cars fixed for just parts from a mechanic friend and when he wants a patio or a walk or anything doing to his house dh helps him out. There’s also a plumber, an electrician etc, it works well.

That’s totally different as you’re compensating each other in a way that’s beneficial to everyone.

I think it would depend if I could offer something in return. So, tax advice in return for a small amount of help with a legal issue would be fine. A reduction would also be fine in these circumstances. Free, not if I need an income to pay my bills.

My friend is a professional musician and singer - has a mortgage and a small child. Friends constantly ask him to sing for free at their weddings, christenings, parties etc. If he did that every time, he would lose a lot of money.
So in short pay your friend!

"Mates Rates" are for people who do moon-lighting on the side of their main job. It's the main job that puts a roof over their head, and the moonlighting is their beer/prosecco money. Therefore, they can discount the moonlighting as it's for discretionary spending, not food and shelter!

Your friend is running a business. They're probably already busy if not fully booked. They could get full price for advising someone else in that time slot, so why should they discount?

"Mates Rates" also usually means a lack of professionalism, i.e. a quick/shoddy job, unreliable time keeping, etc. The person providing will be resentful that they're not getting the proper rate and is more likely not to treat you as a priority.

Keep it professional and pay the going rate. That way everyone will be happy.

My mum is a childminder, it is how she earns her living, i pay her full price, it is a slot she cannot use for a different child if i didn't. But being my mum she will do the 7pm late nights and we coordinate hoildays so i dont pay for weeks off etc.

Otoh my brother and dad are odd job men bathrooms, kitchens decorating etc they do all the small things like fixing taps and building bookcases, fixing a dent for sisters car for free, but my brother who knew he would be taking two days of business for them to refit his bedroom paid for those two days

i Would expect to pay but not full price.

Who charges their friends full prices?

There’s also a plumber, an electrician etc, it works well.

That's basically bartering between them. You all do things for each other, so everyone gets something in return. Tradesmen do it because it reduces their tax, particularly VAT and they don't have to worry about CIS deductions, all of which would come into play if they invoiced/paid eachother for the work, so it makes sense for them to do it informally.