AIBU - Neighbours child crying constantly

[jessieolivia4]

Newish neighbours upstairs (3 months) they have a young child/baby (couldn't tell you as we haven't actually seen the child or the parents) the child cries and cries and cries through the night and often during the day too. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for the parents however, none of us can get a normal nights sleep, my 2 flatmates and I get woken usually 2 or 3 times because of this crying which is often accompanied by strange heavy footing (sometimes sounds like running) upstairs throughout their flat. They leave the windows open so the noise travels, it's actually getting to a point where I've been staying at my partners place more during weekdays to avoid this noise despite the commute to work being far longer. My other flatmate has been staying with her Grandma too. It's becoming unbearable. I understand its out of their control and I understand teething etc can be a difficult time (if that is whats going on) but would it be unreasonable to request they shut the windows and try and contain the noise to one room and stop the loud thumpy noises? If its not, could anyone suggest what would be the most polite and non judgemental way to approach them about this? I wouldn't want to upset or add to their stress but I feel we've let it go on for awhile now with no improvement.

Im not sure What they can actually do. It does sound stressful though

I wonder that if you met the family you would feel better disposed toward them?
Maybe suggest a neighbourly cuppa or evening drinks?

Have you tried:

earplugs
Saying sympathetically it sounds like they've got a tough one and would they like you to take baby for an hour or two so they can get some downtime
Taking round a nice meal
More hardcore earplugs

What a nightmare. I'm a parent, and this definitely does not sound normal, and it's so hard to say what I would do in your situation. I guess I might first try a note, letting the parents know how disturbing the noise is, but I would also be concerned that the baby is being neglected. If things don't change I think I would call SS.

Saying sympathetically it sounds like they've got a tough one and would they like you to take baby for an hour or two so they can get some downtime

OP has never met them . Can't imagine they would be up for this

Just to be clear, the crying has been going on day and night for three months? So it's not a 'controlled crying' / 'cry it out' phase?

Do you share a landlord? While I feel very sorry for the neighbours, you're entitled to quiet enjoyment of your home, and I'd be asking the landlord for 'advice'; and yes I would broach it as nicely as possible with the parents by asking for a chat and letting them know you can't sleep because of the noise and the windows being open. They might not realise.

Sure they will shut their windows with the colder weather coming in soon.

Only on mumsnet would someone suggest to someone being kept up all night by someone else’s crying child, to suggest baby sitting so the PARENTS (who chose to have a child) can have a rest while they’re still wrecked.

No thanks hun you’re welcome to your crying child

If it’s day and night then I agree with a pp that you should contact ss and let them decide what to do.

I’ve got two children but I’m from a very big family and used to babies and have been since young.

It is not normal for a baby to cry all day and night if they are healthy. Of course there will be periods of illness/teething/grumpiness etc but if your description is accurate then in my opinion they either have a child who is unwell or a child who is being left to cry.

I would probably approach them regarding stopping the running noises first and ask if baby is teething/unwell etc as you’ve heard them crying and it must be difficult.

My second child cried a fair bit (mostly in the day). If my neighbour mentioned it (nicely) I’d have told her about it no problem. She didn’t because we have very thick walls.

I suspect this would be unpopular but I’d consider asking SS for advice if it continued.

My friends had a baby who had an undiagnosed cows milk allergy, which his dad also had and told them about prior and they ignored.

The hv kept saying it will settle.

The poor baby must have been in agony and eventually there was blood in his nappy and they changed him onto other formula milk. The change was miraculous.

It seems to me that sometimes hv’s talk a load of rubbish at new parents, this being an example, and the baby suffers. Another example was not allowing a mum to bottle feed her baby as her milk hadn’t come in sufficiently because “he may not take to the breast after the bottle”. That was bollocks. Her mum came in with a bottle for her daughter and the starving baby finally settled. He took to the breast fine.

It could be that these new parents are having similar baby issues and are being helped in a similar way to my friends, ie not at all. I’d be round there being a nice neighbour if I could. And encouraging them to call the hv again and getting her to put the baby on something else if he has a poorly tummy. I don’t understand why hvs leave it so long to act. Babies are so small and fragile that I can’t get my head round it quite honestly. You can be damn sure if my baby was yelling like that I’d be straight round to get something else to try the wee soul on, but back in the day when you are young and don’t have much self confidence it would have been a different story, as I’d have trusted the hv.

My DC was diagnosed at 4 months with a milk allergy, for those first 4'months DC cried and screamed and wailed at every moment of every day, 9/10 I joined in because I was at breaking point. If my neighbours had called SS on me because of it, with me being so depressed and at my wits end with HV and GPS and bush body friends and family telling me "it would pass", then I dread to think what my reaction would be. You know nothing about this family or what is going on in their home and i completely sympathise with you getting no sleep, but neither are they and I can almost guarantee they are aware of how disruptive a crying newborn is.

@winnerwinnerchristmasdinner my dd was the same- she had undiagnosed coeliac, the gluten in my breast milk stripped her stomach of lacti making her lactose intolerant, every time I fed her she would gulp down my milk, only to projectile vomit everywhere then scream and scream and scream for hours ( all the while safely held in my arms as I rocked her and tried to help her with her pain). She improved when in desperation we moved to formula - she would keep it down but then be in pain and windy with diarrhoea. She was 3 months when a friend suggested lactose free milk- it was like a miracle she went from crying or screaming for her first three months to the happiest and most chilled baby out! She also finally moved from tiny baby size up to newborn!

@jessieolivia4 I really feel for you, ( although especially for your neighbour and her baby) I would definitely knock on the door and ask them to shut the window/ not be so heavy footed at night. I would have been so apologetic if you were my neighbour, I had my husband reassure our neighbours that our baby girl was not being harmed, she was just in pain and we gave them chocolates and beer as an apology. They reassured us and said they never heard her crying, we said the same when their babies went through similar.

Speak to them about the window and the heavy foot steps.
If they are aware they can move to a room to avoid above your bedroom.
I wonder did they remove carpet?
It is unfortunate living under someone at night, I used to be able to hear my neighbour move his coffee table when the night was silent, my other neighbour put a wash on every night at midnight, these were modern apartments sound proof in the day.
They probably don't realise travelling sound, get earplugs too.

I don't agree with calling social services!
I had a small age gap between my youngest 2 if around 15 months so with a baby and toddler it was like there was always one of them crying for wherever reason and at times both crying at the same time!

My kids were never neglected and I would have been so annoyed had someone called SS

If it bothers you so much speak to them about the window.

The child may even have additional needs you don't know about...

I can't believe people are saying inform the SS!
My youngest never stopped crying and screaming, and I mean never stopped.
My elderly neighbour at the time mentioned one day that she felt sorry for me with the baby's continual wailing.
I ended up, on my knees with exhaustion at my doctor's with a by now 12 month old baby,and told him to either do something was leaving my child there and walking out..
I didn't care anymore, I was so tired.
He prescribed tamazapam for her.
Some babies, no matter what you do, are born wailers.
Whatever you do OP, don't call the SS. If I'd have ended up with the SS at my door I would have been suicidal with exhaustion and fear.
Try approaching them with tact and diplomacy first like my neighbour did with me.

Maybe ask your neighbour if they are ok. See if you can discuss it thIs way.

Chuckling at the comment that start ...I'm a parent, I've had a baby. Err..that goes for most of us. The clues in the name. Anyhoo...you have a choice. Speaking to them won't quieten a crying baby but the child may have a food intolerance. Maybe they have not considered that. Or you could move and let's face it the baby will turn into a toddler so they make noise too.

My ds cried constantly- it was a nightmare. He’s a lovely lad now, though.

Are you on speaking terms with them? As you need to make them aware of the sound carrying, particularly the footsteps. Or you can just wear earplugs.

call SS

Because a baby is crying? Only on MN ffs!

Does it cry constantly though truly? 24/7? A baby which never sleeps but somehow always crying? Maybe make a more realistic post on the true level of crying people might give better advice. Or just advise you that babies do cry

That was my worst nightmare when living in a Flat in London. We had elephant footed upstairs neighbours and I was in tears more than one at the sheer frustration (im not a crier!)

Yes babies cry but you don't own this child nor do you have any control over the noise it makes which makes everything doubly frustrating. The annoying thing is the parent are clearly not doing much to consider the needs of everyone else around them. If they had a bone of consideration they would be shutting windows and moving child (quietly) to somewhere it will cause least disturbance at night. It sounds like they aren't even attempting this. At the very least a note to apologise and what they are trying to do about it.

I don't think you are unreasonable to state to them how it's affecting you and what they can do to minimise the impact on you.

As for the suggestions to take the kid for a while.... ha aha ha! Never heard anything so mad in my life.

Some babies do just cry unfortunately but hopefully at 3m it its collic that should be nearing the end. You can probably ask for some small things like windows being closed or moving the baby away from adjoining walls at night. Yes they are probably going crazy and it will be worse for them but it’s not fair if you’re having to spend more and more time out of the house.

I suspect the sounds like running footsteps are in fact someone running to the baby to try to stop them crying and disturbing everyone.

I had a crier - severe reflux for 5 years meant he was in a lot of pain every day and every night. I was severely sleep deprived and very stressed from fear that he was disturbing DH and all our neighbours (flats).

It was sheer hell and calling ss would have tipped me over the edge.

They dont want their baby to cry and theres not a lit they can do about it

Some odd advice on here.

You sound sympathetic enough OP but at the end of the day you have to be able to actually live in your flat. I’m sure the parents are having a tough time but if you can’t bear living there then something has to be said. I would also start with the landlord, Are there multiple flats in the block? They won’t know it’s you necessarily.

I don’t think you’d be wrong to try and sort the situation, hard as it must be for your neighbours.