AIBU - Neighbours child crying constantly

[jessieolivia4]

Newish neighbours upstairs (3 months) they have a young child/baby (couldn't tell you as we haven't actually seen the child or the parents) the child cries and cries and cries through the night and often during the day too. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for the parents however, none of us can get a normal nights sleep, my 2 flatmates and I get woken usually 2 or 3 times because of this crying which is often accompanied by strange heavy footing (sometimes sounds like running) upstairs throughout their flat. They leave the windows open so the noise travels, it's actually getting to a point where I've been staying at my partners place more during weekdays to avoid this noise despite the commute to work being far longer. My other flatmate has been staying with her Grandma too. It's becoming unbearable. I understand its out of their control and I understand teething etc can be a difficult time (if that is whats going on) but would it be unreasonable to request they shut the windows and try and contain the noise to one room and stop the loud thumpy noises? If its not, could anyone suggest what would be the most polite and non judgemental way to approach them about this? I wouldn't want to upset or add to their stress but I feel we've let it go on for awhile now with no improvement.

YANBU to feel upset OP. You are being forced to sleep elsewhere instead of at home.

Our first house was a semi and the family next door had a 12 year old, a toddler & a baby.
Between them, there was constant noise.
The baby cried throughout the night, the toddler shouted a lot throughout the day and the 12 year old played drums in his bedroom after school .

Needless to say, we moved house.
I loved the house but couldn't stand the constant noise.

I don't think you would be in the wrong for saying something. I get that babies cry but the running around and having windows open isn't necessary.

I can't believe people are suggesting to call SS or too offer to take the baby! Madness.
The are most likely holding their baby pacing around the flat trying to sooth them! Some babies cry more than others, they may have colic or an undiagnosed allergy.
I would just politely explain you can hear the baby and the pacing a lot in the night, and if it'd be possible for them to close the windows to limit sound travelling. You've said they wake you 2 or 3 times during the night, this is perfectly normal for a baby to wake up crying, for young babies even more frequently is normal.

Don't call SS, nothing sounds abnormal about a baby crying 2-3 times during the night or often during the day. Babies cry, some more than others but that isn't down to poor parenting. And don't offer to take them either, they'll think you're a weirdo up to no good and may even report to 101 for suspicious behaviour. I suggest you either hold tight until baby starts sleeping though, or move to a top floor flat so you don't have to have upstairs neighbours.

We had a similar situation but with houses not flats.

Our neighbours' baby would scream through day and night- not cry - scream and shriek. I know some of you with high demand babies will recognise this - it's hard to understand unless you have been through it. I thought it was something the parents were doing - stupid me. When we got to know them we understood that they were going through an absolutely heartbreaking, harrowing situation - I cannot give details as it would be outing, it's something known in my community. A high needs baby driving everyone to their wits' end was the least of their worries.

We kept our windows closed. The baby grew out of it.

They are lovely people, making the most of a situation that would break most people. The baby is now 10 and a cheeky sod.

Go and talk to them. It's not unreasonable to ask them to close windows and be conscious of footsteps.

Could be colic. Usually stops around the time the baby can start to sit up and pass wind themselves. Around 3/4 months should end the severe crying.My second had it and would cry most of the time due to trapped wind. Until I got medicine from the gp corelief. It was a miracle in a bottle. No more crying. I would leave it another 4 weeks before knocking and asking if everything is alriight with the baby.

Seriously? Really?

Have you been on MN threads where babies have cried a lot? It brings women to their knees. The sleep deprivation.

Ds2 cried all night, on and off, for months. HV and GP were dismissive. I'd tried every tonic, water, liquid medicine purchasable ! I paid for him to be seen by a private Paed. Nothing really suggested. Maybe start feeding him food early?
And I was reported to SS.
How do you think that was helpful?
Please have a bit of sympathy.

Quite how speaking to the parents is going to alleviate the situation I have no idea!
Do you think they enjoy having their baby screaming the place down?
What do you think they're doing, poking it with a stick to annoy the neighbours?
Call the landlord?? Wtf is he going to do? Offer a repair on the baby's vocal chords?
I've read some rubbish on here before, but those 2 bits of "advice" take the biscuit as much as call the SS does.
Why not go mad and shove a sock in its mouth while you're about it!
Those poor parents have enough to deal with without bloody neighbours, landlords and fucking SS landing on them!
Jesus 😠

We've all had difficult babies but that doesn't give anyone the right to inflict that horror onto your neighbours.............

If they are leaving windows open, it needs to stop. I'd pop up and just say do you mind keeping your windows closed at night as noise really travels when it's quiet.

Seriously? Really? Have you been on MN threads where babies have cried a lot? It brings women to their knees. The sleep deprivation.

The fact that OP and her flat mate have to move out at night and stay with relatives indicates that they suffer with sleep deprivation.
Their situation at home is intolerable.

We've all had difficult babies...

Well I didn't. Mine were both pretty good if a bit clingy.

Talking to the neighbours - say, inviting them over for a cup of tea with the baby - will allow the OP to

Find out what's going on
Letting neighbours know noise is an issue in a non-confrontational setting
Try and sort something out

And I suppose the parents of the crying baby are just partying on?!?!
@Elodie2019
What are they supposed to do? Pack up and go live in a tent Inthe bloody wilderness?
I forgot just how much parents absolutely love having a screaming baby around the place

I would imagine it's a bloody issue for the parents too @MythicalBiologicalFennel !!

Both my DD's had cows milk allergy and used to scream all night and all day. It was sheer hell for us and it's definitely contributed to the fact that I will never have another child and go through that again.
I'm not sure what the answer is apart from ear plugs OP. I'm sure the parents are having a terrible time too however I do feel lots of sympathy for you.

And I suppose the parents of the crying baby are just partying on?!?!

Obviously not. Stupid comment.

There are many people who have expressed empathy towards the parents. Not so many who empathise with the OP.

There is nothing you can do and this is just what comes with the joys of living in a flat.

For people saying that it isn't normal, erm... maybe for your child!
My 1st wasn't too bad my 2nd all she done was cry and barely slept!
They're within their rights to have their windows open... doors... walk around... It's their flat.

I feel sorry for the parents of the baby more! They must be bloody knackered.

Do not approach this mother and complain about the babies crying is keeping you awake... trust me, she's aware the baby is loud and she's probably not had sleep in a while!!!!

It will pass. You said you have the option of staying at your partner's so that's your answer.

You can ask them to close the windows and not stomp about. A gymnastics ball can be great and relatively cheap when it comes to bouncing, likely to also be quieter, so that might be worth a suggestion.

I think that is all you can do as an outsider. It is likely that they received poor advice and now you're all suffering for it but it is just not your place to correct that.

It will pass. You said you have the option of staying at your partner's so that's your answer.

I can't imagine paying £700 + p/m for a flat I can't stay/ sleep in.

I hope you find a solution OP.

Op, I'd write a sympathetic note and post it through the door. Something along the lines of:

Dear neighbour, I know that you are in a difficult situation right now, and believe me, we have every sympathy for you and bear you no ill will, but would like to discuss some ways in which you could keep your noise levels down.

At the moment, my flatmates and I have had to move in to temporary accommodation several nights a week because we are so sleep deprived.

We understand that the crying isn't your fault and please don't feel embarrassed or annoyed by this message, because it isn't actually the crying itself which is the source of the problem: it's heavy running footsteps throughout the night too.

As you know, noise travels through these buildings so we would kindly ask if you could do the following to help minimise this: close your windows at night, try to tread quietly on the stairs at night and please put down some rugs or carpets to try and muffle the sounds.

We are happy to meet up for a cup of tea to discuss this further and hope that this letter doesn't cause offence. Etc etc etc

So not contact SS that's horrible advice. Babies cry. You can hear the parents running around. No signs or noises of abuse. If you must contact someone find your local health visitor centre and ask them to make contact to offer support

My dd cried continuously basically, we would put her in her pram and take it in turns to walk around the neighbourhood at night when it was at its worst, we lived in a flat and it wasn't fair on the neighbours. At age 2 she was diagnosed as autistic and all her early behaviour made more sense.

People suggesting calling social services, really?! Some babies cry a lot. Ds1 cried all day for 3 months. Between 5pm and 1am he screamed hysterically no matter what we did. That nearly ended me. If someone had called social services on me I would have been even more stressed.

BeepBeep I'm not sure where I have implied this isn't an issue for the parents.

They might not realise how much things they are doing to likely soothe baby (opening windows, maybe pacing around with baby in their arms?) are affecting neighbours. Hence having a chat and suggesting things like rugs, containing noise to one room etc.

containing noise to one room etc.

Lol. Yes... mother that's not had sleep in weeks, can you not come out of your bedroom please? Just stay in there and go nuts. Thanks!

Some advice that's given on here is insane to me.

She can have any window she wants open and walk around her flat all night with her child it's her flat.. her baby.. she's not loving being awake all night I'm sure!!! And just doing her best to get the baby back to sleep!
To tell her to close her windows and stay in one room is ridiculous.

A baby that constantly cries is unlikely to be neglected. Neglected children rarely make a big fuss because they've learned that nobody responds to their tears.