AIBU - Neighbours child crying constantly

[jessieolivia4]

Newish neighbours upstairs (3 months) they have a young child/baby (couldn't tell you as we haven't actually seen the child or the parents) the child cries and cries and cries through the night and often during the day too. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for the parents however, none of us can get a normal nights sleep, my 2 flatmates and I get woken usually 2 or 3 times because of this crying which is often accompanied by strange heavy footing (sometimes sounds like running) upstairs throughout their flat. They leave the windows open so the noise travels, it's actually getting to a point where I've been staying at my partners place more during weekdays to avoid this noise despite the commute to work being far longer. My other flatmate has been staying with her Grandma too. It's becoming unbearable. I understand its out of their control and I understand teething etc can be a difficult time (if that is whats going on) but would it be unreasonable to request they shut the windows and try and contain the noise to one room and stop the loud thumpy noises? If its not, could anyone suggest what would be the most polite and non judgemental way to approach them about this? I wouldn't want to upset or add to their stress but I feel we've let it go on for awhile now with no improvement.

@Elodie2019

Yes.
Or do what I agreed with 2 mins ago from another pp

She could even start with introducing herself before knocking and telling the parents to close their windows and stay in one room when their child is crying. 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you sure the baby cries all day and all night or just it just seem like that to you? Surely you are not there all the time. Babies do cry and children are noisy and if you are not used to that it might seem more than it is.
Yes it's annoying but just be grateful you don't have to get up in the night with the baby and you can turn over and go back to sleep. If you can't get used to ignoring the crys get some ear plugs.
And if you get chance perhaps you could try and get to know your neighbour they are probably even more stressed and tired than you are.

I guess it was a mistake for the poor OP to post on a forum called "Mumsnet" and expect much sympathy for being disturbed by a howling baby.

I had an absolute howler for my first child. She was awful (swift disclaimer: she's now married, great career, lovely person, no allergies/special needs - she just yelled a lot. And got me up at least three times a night for 18 months). But I wasn't "brought to my knees". Having said that, I was a junior doctor in the early 90s.
Getting up to your own baby is a doddle: you know what to do (apply baby to breast/bottle; read book/listen to radio during process; feel relieved it's not a life or death situation).

But OH and I were the ones who chose to have her and loved her.
We did everything we could in a semi-detatched to lessen the noise.

As these parents should be doing.

No, the parents aren't having a worse time than the OP. They at least get some recompense from the love they have for their child.

And, if they're really not coping, perhaps they do need help from other agencies.

not sure I'd be calling social services - my friend's daughter used to cry and cry when she was a baby, no matter what they did. After many visits to doctor it turned out she was lactose intolerant. They were at the end of their tether - I imagine a visit from social services would have tipped them over the edge

Even though I feel for the parents because I know how sleep deprivation feel...
It's absolutely wrong that someone has to actually go, leave their home and stay elsewhere because someone nearby decided to have a child. And it's not working out well.

There is noise and there is excessive noise. Maybe they should start doing family welcome and no children versions of the over 55 flats...

I am sorry, but no one has any right to make others sleepless and actually leave their home no matter what the reason.

If you're concerned about the baby, knock on the door, introduce yourself etc

If it's the noise that's pussing you off, ask nicely if they can shut windows. If that doesn't help, call your landlord

Getting up to your own baby is a doddle

For you. Not everyone.

My mind is blown that people think just because they found one part of parenting easy everyone else did and god forbid you found it hard- you're clearly just exaggerating because to them... it was easy.

My daughter didn't sleep until 4am every night for 9 weeks it broke me!!! I also had my 18 month son to wake up to at 6am every morning.
My son didn't latch properly and would cry and cry but not for as long, still bloody hard and defo not "a doddle" bleeding nipples a baby not taking to a bottle and sleep deprived.

Roozy Or maybe the mother/father should introduce themselves to their neighbours? Maybe they could move out for a few nights and stay with their own family so that everyone gets a good nights sleep? No? Does it only work one way?

It's a given that this family are dealing with a stressful situation. Many people are. For all we know, there are other people at home (in the same block of flats) in palliative care or their own MH needs. How are they coping? Should everyone move out? Have OP's neighbours thought to ask? No. They leave the window open and stomp about. This is not just about a crying baby.

My point is before rocking up and asking got windows to be closed and the parents to stay in one room all night with a screaming child the neighbour should atleast introduce herself!!

I agree everyone has their own issues but you're missing my point. . There will always be something especially now a child lives above them!!
Say the walking around stops. There will be something else next. Kids are not quiet!! Day and night no matter what age kids can be loud!

She lives in a flat so this is just life!!
I agreed with a pp earlier she should introduce herself have a cup or tea what not (if it even gets that far!?) And bring it up nicely to the parent(s). Not just bloody knock and say to I'm assuming a knackered parent... close your windows and stay in one room at night I'm losing sleep.

Such a tricky one but it sounds awful for everyone, really. My friend had a crier for the first few months and he literally screamed for hours a day. I don't know how she managed as the noise made me feel quite loopy when we were together

I agree about white noise and turn it up loud, you can get phone apps and it's really good at filtering out baby crying. I use it for when DP has DD in the mornings (not so much crying as she's not a crier but she does love a good shriek of excitement or just random shouting at the dog!) so I can nap and it works really well.

They should really close the windows though. On the odd occasion my DD has cried for an extended period overnight, I've closed the windows so the sound doesn't travel, and we aren't even in a flat - our house is detached. I just assumed that was common courtesy when there's a loud noise in your house.

Maybe they could move out for a few nights and stay with their own family so that everyone gets a good nights sleep? No? Does it only work one way?

If that was an option for them to have more support and help, yeah why not?
Some people don't have other places to go. Also.. that's their home. They're allowed their crying baby there. They're allowed to walk around and they're allowed to have their windows open.

That's ops home and unfortunatly it's got so bad some nights she's left to get a better sleep instead of a broken one.
As I've said again and again and again it's life... She lives in a flat.

If the woman puts flooring down, closes all Windows and stays in one room.... that child will still ball it's eyes out screaming and then, maybe even more- who knows!?

Either way.. in my world you dont knock on a strangers door and ask them to close all their windows and stay in one room with their child because you're being woken up.

Once this stops it will be the next thing.
As I've said... Kids aren't silent they bang. They cry and they run around. She lives in a flat with someone above her- most people aren't silent.

My son didn't latch properly and would cry and cry but not for as long, still bloody hard and defo not "a doddle" bleeding nipples a baby not taking to a bottle and sleep deprived.

I had all of that. Plus mastitis.

I was comparing being awake for three days on the trot, during which time a wrong decision could kill somebody, with getting up to my own baby.

See, I knew what "sleep-deprived" could really be like.

Maybe you should read my whole post.

Roozy
If the parents are finding the situation distressing, they must be aware that the noise is annoying/distressing for others too.
Why then are they not approaching their neighbours? Do they live in a bubble? Shouldn't they be considering other people's situation (as stated below) ?
In this situation the OP is capable of making the first move. Not so for everyone who lives there most likely.
Nobody should have to just put up/shut up/ move out.

My upstairs neighbour had a newborn whilst I was pregnant. I invested in some good quality earplugs. Problem solved.

It is one of the side effects of living in a flat unfortunately. There isn't much else you can do other than consult an acoustic engineer if you own the place and ask if there is anything you can do to soundproof. Talking to your neighbour wouldn't likely help, given that they live there too they are probably aware of the soundproofing situation and may even have an upstairs neighbour constantly waking up their baby. I had a downstairs neighbour who used to come up daily and ask me not to wear shoes in my apartment (I didn't wear shoes indoors) because it was so loud he could hear me walking around and assumed I was stomping. I got really pissed off with him, my response eventually was along the lines of "You're not the only princess". I had a family above my flat, it was constant noise but it wasn't their fault the soundproofing was shit so I wasn't going to tell them to be quiet in their own home.

You have my sympathies but I very much doubt your upstairs neighbours want to wake you up so frequently so telling them isn't really going to help, it is just going to make them uncomfortable in their own home.

Oh, I did read it all. 🤯

Roozy

Sounds like 'in your world' it's each for their own.
Nice

Unless you thing the baby is being neglected dont call ss. What do you expect by contacting your landlord, that the family will be turned out? That's fucking callous. Otherwise what could the landlord do ang more than anyone else to stop a crying baby. If the window being open is a problem why dont you politely ask the neighbour to close it? Babies cry, it's normal and sometimes there is fuck all can be done about it. Dont like it, either try some noise cancelling techniques such as earplugs or move into a detached far away from your nearest neighbour.

Do you share a landlord? While I feel very sorry for the neighbours, you're entitled to quiet enjoyment of your home, and I'd be asking the landlord for 'advice'; and yes I would broach it as nicely as possible with the parents by asking for a chat and letting them know you can't sleep because of the noise and the windows being open. They might not realise

I agree. There are limits to what we should have to tolerate.

If the parents are finding the situation distressing, they must be aware that the noise is annoying/distressing for others too. of course they're aware the baby is loud and I'm sure they also know they live in a flat so the neighbours most likely can hear the baby. What can they do!? Lol. You can't ask a parent to stay in one room!? It's ridiculous!? Can you please take the sterilizer and bottles a dummy if needed, the nappies wipes and cloths spare clothes and anything else needed and put it all in your bedroom pls because your walking around is waking me up. C'mon lol.

Why then are they not approaching their neighbours? Do they live in a bubble? Shouldn't they be considering other people's situation (as stated below) ?
Op hasn't even SEEN the people that live there for as far as she knows they're blind, deaf, extremely shy, don't speak English... who knows!?? I have a deaf man in my block and 2 families who speak 0 English (1 needing a translator when complains had been put in about his sub letting)
No one knows because as I said she hasn't even set eyes on them.

In this situation the OP is capable of making the first move. Not so for everyone who lives there most likely.
Nobody should have to just put up/shut up/ move out.
I agree but also at the end of the day she lives in a flat and there is only so much you can say to your above neighbour when it comes to noise from a young baby at night.
As I agreed with she should make the 1st move as she is the one that has the issue and make it nice.. say in passing about the noise.. maybe oh how old is your lo as they sound young when I hear them at night lol. I dunno just not a knock and told shut your windows and stay in your room. That's ridiculous.

@Elodie2019 no.. in my world you dont knock and ask a knackered parent to stay in one room and close all their windows!!!
In my world you're not deluded and have some sort of empathy for people YOUVE NOT EVEN SEEN so don't even know their situation in the slightest.

I really feel for them. Don't call ss unless you think there is an actual neglect issue!

I had a crier first time, painful silent reflux being the culprit. I was on my knees with exhaustion.

Unfortunately neighbour noise is expected and accepted everywhere - and if you live in a flat then surely you must understand that you'll have more of it. They aren't throwing noisy parties or tap dancing around their flat! You can and should expect a certain amount of consideration from parents, for example not letting children play noisy games at 7am on a Sunday. Fair enough. But this is a crying baby, they can't help it. I would bet they're doing everything they can to stop it, believe me no parent enjoys the sound of their child screaming!!

It won't be permanent. I sympathise with you OP but have you tried taking some proactive steps to help yourself? Earplugs, white noise etc?

Can you please take the sterilizer and bottles a dummy if needed, the nappies wipes and cloths spare clothes and anything else needed and put it all in your bedroom pls because your walking around is waking me up

Well, this is exactly what we did although not because it might wake anyone but because it's just far more convenient to have everything in one room overnight rather than running (literally by the sounds of things) around the place. We had a changing table set up in our room (on top of chest of drawers) for the first five months or so.

If you are woken up 3 times in the night .. that’s sounds like a normal / nice night with a baby ... honestly my little guy has terrible
Wind he would scream for an hour after a bottle until hurrah we got the burp or fart out.

He once cried 10 hours straight ...

But it did pass and start to become less frequent ... it hopefully will get better.

Perhaps ask nicely if they can shut their window or if not happy to
Do that shut yours? And get some awesome ear plugs ... it’s not nice to have to get woken up by such things but unless you want them
Evicted or you think they are abusing the baby I am unsure what calling ss or the landlord will Achieve x

@celebelly which is great for you but not everyone does this?
So you think it's okay to knock at a person's house and tell them to do this because it's keeping you awake them walking around at night!?