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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Neighbours child crying constantly

152 replies

jessieolivia4 · 16/09/2019 23:29

Newish neighbours upstairs (3 months) they have a young child/baby (couldn't tell you as we haven't actually seen the child or the parents) the child cries and cries and cries through the night and often during the day too. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for the parents however, none of us can get a normal nights sleep, my 2 flatmates and I get woken usually 2 or 3 times because of this crying which is often accompanied by strange heavy footing (sometimes sounds like running) upstairs throughout their flat. They leave the windows open so the noise travels, it's actually getting to a point where I've been staying at my partners place more during weekdays to avoid this noise despite the commute to work being far longer. My other flatmate has been staying with her Grandma too. It's becoming unbearable. I understand its out of their control and I understand teething etc can be a difficult time (if that is whats going on) but would it be unreasonable to request they shut the windows and try and contain the noise to one room and stop the loud thumpy noises? If its not, could anyone suggest what would be the most polite and non judgemental way to approach them about this? I wouldn't want to upset or add to their stress but I feel we've let it go on for awhile now with no improvement.

OP posts:

OkayGo · 17/09/2019 07:58

Are you sure they’re running op and not bouncing the baby trying to settle them? I recall spending hours and hours walking around bouncing with my colicy and reflux dd

Amanduh · 17/09/2019 08:12

SS for a baby crying? Ffs as if.
Go and talk to them if you must OP.

Funghi · 17/09/2019 08:17

The neighbours have disturbed OP’s sleep for 3 months and you think she should bake and babysit for them? w.t.f

If they’re renting, contact landlord. If not, contact council.

I’m sure if the mum had come on here and said that you 3 were making noise all night every night for 3 months she wouldn’t be advised to bake for you and ignore it.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:22

@Funghi a young baby crying most the night isn't the same as 3 adults making noise 🤔

The mum is doing all she can to make the baby stop crying. It sounds like she is bouncing the baby or walking around with the baby.
Babies cry.. It's life. She lives in a flat if it's not this it would be something else. Like when the baby starts to run around the flat! Fun, fun.

Funghi · 17/09/2019 08:28

The mum is doing all she can to make the baby stop crying.

Do you know her?

None of this is OP’s problem. If you have a young baby prone to crying all night every single night then maybe think twice about moving into a first floor flat or at the very least speak to your neighbours about it.

Elodie2019 · 17/09/2019 08:30

The mum is doing all she can to make the baby stop crying.

How does anyone on MN know this?

cranstonmanor · 17/09/2019 08:36

So many weird replies here. This is you neighbour. Invite them over for a coffee, do some chit chat to get to know each other. Compliment on the cuteness of the baby. Half hour in tell them that although all babies cry and it's just a phase you wake up at night from the running and if maybe closing the window would also help with the noise travelling. Such a shame it travels so much in these flats. Do you want another biscuit?

And job done.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:37

And how does anyone know she isn't!?

Op lives in a flat... It's life. There is going to be noise.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:38

You can say the same about op!? If you dont want any noise from your neighbours why move into a flat!?

cranstonmanor · 17/09/2019 08:38

People it's not about the crying but about closing the window! And not stomping!

Elodie2019 · 17/09/2019 08:41

You can say the same about op!? If you dont want any noise from your neighbours why move into a flat!?

This isn't a normal amount of noise.
Does everyone who lives in a flat have to move out at night to get some sleep?

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:48

A baby crying and walking around isn't a normal amount of noise???? Really??

Some situations when you live in a flat happen, people have babies, babies cry... some don't shuttup crying for months on end!!! It's just life!!
The walking around in the night is probably even worse because it's at night either way- Wait until the toddler stage and the baby is running around the flat.. It's life!!!

If you do not want to hear your neighbours at all then don't move into a flat... like someone said that you shouldn't if you have a screaming child lol. Works both ways!!!

I have someone above me with 2 toddlers and I'd prefer the screaming and walking back over these two stamping around the place from 5am. It's life!

Workingmum8 · 17/09/2019 08:49

I don’t actually think offering to babysit is odd advice- at all.

Crying babies are hard work and it takes a village. People are so isolated these days and it’s shit. I barely know my neighbours but in those first few months it was nice to have support and offers of help- even if I didn’t take them up on it! It’s a great way to reach out- you don’t have to be a fully fledged babysitter but a cup of tea or going round with a cake would be a good place to start.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:49

I agree it she is going to say anything just make it easy like you've said @cranstonmanor and also they can actually meet and get to know each other!!

Elodie2019 · 17/09/2019 08:51

A baby crying and walking around isn't a normal amount of noise???? Really??

Not when two people have had to move out of their home at night and stay with family friends, no.

TurtleneckTuna · 17/09/2019 08:51

To tell her to close her windows and stay in one room is ridiculous.

Why? I close my windows whenever my baby cries excessively. And I live in a detached house.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:52

@Workingmum8
I agree with what you've said. My neighbour knocked and we barely knew eachother and asked if I wanted to come up for a cup of tea and also said I'm more than welcome to drop my 18 month old up to her to play with her sons while I slept with my new born or rested.

I never did but it was nice she suggested it knowing how wrecked I must have been hearing my daughter scream and cry constantly for months!!!

Megs4x3 · 17/09/2019 08:53

@cranstonmanor

Perfect and what I came to suggest.

OP, whatever you do, and you need to do something, be kind. 3 months and you haven’t introduced yourself? Invite Mum for a coffee and it opens the door to a conversation about the issues. Some empathy rather than accusation will go a long way and the neighbours may just not have thought about the open window being a problem with everything else that they are clearly struggling with.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:54

@Elodie2019
Plenty of people have had to go through this. This isn't a new thing a baby crying through the night! If they feel they need to sleep somewhere else while this time passes it's up to them. What are they going to do as the child gets older because as far as I'm aware when kids hit 5 months old they don't become silent and float.

She lives in a flat. With someone above her. It's life.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 08:56

@TurtleneckTuna
That's great for you but in my baking hot flat if I want my Windows open... they're being open. Also.. I'm due next March and like my other 2 I will be walking around to soothe my child.. all around my flat! Not just my bedroom that has the smallest amount of floor space.
Everyone is different and lives in different places.

SinkGirl · 17/09/2019 08:56

OP, have you tried playing white noise in your room? It’s really effective at blocking out sound and actually once we started using it for the twins i found it really helps me sleep.

We moved out of our flat when I was pregnant. Unfortunately this is par for the course when living in flats - the noise and stuff we had to put up with in our last flat was insane. Not from babies but from adults.

We live in a terraced house now and I worry all the time that our twins disturb our neighbours. I always apologise to them when I see them after a rough night (like the recent 8 hour screaming session through the night when DT2 had chicken pox). Don’t assume that a screaming baby means parents aren’t caring for it - that whole night I walked around carrying him but it changed nothing, and the same was true when they were babies with undiagnosed CMPA.

If my neighbours requested I do thinks like close the windows I would, unless it was dangerously hot in the twins room even with fans etc- but if their windows being open is an issue does that mean yours are open too?

PrincessPain · 17/09/2019 08:58

It's been so hot recently, me rocking DS to stop him crying has made me and him sweaty in my arms, and so much body heat that his crying intensifies.
Sometimes walking up and down the garden or in front of the open windows with him are the only things that help soothe him.
Sometimes it feels like to get DS to sleep I have to be facing north, while rocking his body swiftly side to side, while singing on French and hopping on one foot. Yesterday was a very bad day for us, on top of a bad personal and financial week (car blowing up which is costing thousands we definitely don't have).
Yestedsay I spent half an hour rocking DS in a dark room while we both cried before I could pull myself together, if any neighbour came round to tell me the crying was too loud I'd have told them to fuck off, and I am usually very polite, introverted, nice and patient.
I'm just saying you have no idea what's going on in their lives and while people may say its not your problem, sometimes being nice is best and ear plugs are cheap.
They are not doing it on purpose and I would be annoyed to be honest. I've had weed smoking neighbours, shouting neighbours, loud music playing neighbours, all selfish behaviour that is intentional.
This isn't, and I you could try and mention it, but I can't imagine any sleep deprived parent would be thrilled to have to listen to other people complaining.
Is the baby crying all night or just 3 times in the night? Because if it's the latter that's really not that bad as far as babies go.

Elodie2019 · 17/09/2019 09:01

Roozy So OP should put up & shut up? Ok.

Roozy123 · 17/09/2019 09:03

@PrincessPain 100%!

Also, I live in flats the man opposite me was subletting to drunks who would urinate in the communal hall outside my front door. Wake me and my son up at 2am 3am 4am etc drunk outside our bedroom window it was god awful!!!!! It took the council months and months to get rid of these men and I had to stay else where a few nights because of the stress and lack of sleep.
That is excessive noise and disruption.... a crying baby I've had above me and yes it's annoying and can be very draining but it's life especially when living in flats.
That I preferred as it wasn't adults doing something disruptive on purpose. Now they're just kids who run around like they're 10 stone each 😐😑😂

Elodie2019 · 17/09/2019 09:04

There is some good advice on here OP - talk to your neighbour, get to know them, be empathetic, suggest closing window especially if it's next to yours, white noise, earplugs...
You have my sympathy.

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