AIBU - Neighbours child crying constantly

[jessieolivia4]

Newish neighbours upstairs (3 months) they have a young child/baby (couldn't tell you as we haven't actually seen the child or the parents) the child cries and cries and cries through the night and often during the day too. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for the parents however, none of us can get a normal nights sleep, my 2 flatmates and I get woken usually 2 or 3 times because of this crying which is often accompanied by strange heavy footing (sometimes sounds like running) upstairs throughout their flat. They leave the windows open so the noise travels, it's actually getting to a point where I've been staying at my partners place more during weekdays to avoid this noise despite the commute to work being far longer. My other flatmate has been staying with her Grandma too. It's becoming unbearable. I understand its out of their control and I understand teething etc can be a difficult time (if that is whats going on) but would it be unreasonable to request they shut the windows and try and contain the noise to one room and stop the loud thumpy noises? If its not, could anyone suggest what would be the most polite and non judgemental way to approach them about this? I wouldn't want to upset or add to their stress but I feel we've let it go on for awhile now with no improvement.

Buy some good ear plugs. I've known people in flats who had a baby and neighbours moaned to the parents about crying, as if they could do anything about it. It doesn't last forever but is difficult while it does. Personally I woudn't complain, I was a child once and i am a mother, infant crying is part of life. Poor little kid could be colicky for all you know.

! Saying sympathetically it sounds like they've got a tough one and would they like you to take baby for an hour or two so they can get some downtime

Utterly batshit. I'm trying to imagine in what world someone would hand their baby over to a complete stranger.

Call social services..For a 3 month old crying baby. No wonder they’re over worked and highly stretched. Also it’s no wonder women get ill after babies. It’s hard enough dealing with sleepless nights without feeling judged. The ones saying call SS. Did yours never cry. Did they come out talking in full sentences, because That’s what crying is a form of communication

There’s not much can do really, op. Aside from using earplugs. Trust me the parents will have or will be trying everything they can to resolve the problem.

I think that it's a shit situation for everyone but if people are having to sleep elsewhere because the noise is so bad then yes, I do think there should be some consideration as to how they can minimise the sound. If that's being a bit more prepared overnight and not having to run from room to room when you, I don't think it's unreasonable. Same with the windows.

We choose to have children, and part of that is dealing with varying degrees of noise. It's also accepting that other people haven't chosen to have our child and have to go to work and carry on their lives.

In defence of pp though, Oyster. 30 +years ago. No one would have batted an eye lid.
Neighbors were very close back then. I remember My neighbour minding me as a child.

• @Elodie2019 no.. in my world you dont knock and ask a knackered parent to stay in one room and close all their windows!!!*

Those aren't my words. I don't know who has suggested that but not me.

I said 'in your world - each for their own' Please don't misquote me indirectly or not. Thanks.

usually 2 or 3 times because of this crying

Op words.

They're being woken up 2 OR 3 times.
I think moving out in my opinion is being pretty dramatic. (My opinion not a fact!!!)

If it was like my daughter who cried until 4am some nights I would understand a little more.
A baby crying 2 or 3 times a night is normal.no?

She lives in a flat... It's just life as I've said so many times. She will have people above her that make noise!

With my son I lived in a place that was 1 room so i.had no choice but to.have everything in there.
With my daughter I was in my flat and where she was awake SO much I didn't even go to bed.. I was in my living room and would have to get up to get something if I needed another or replace a blanket for what ever reason but would normally have the bottles or nappies near. Parents do have to walk around at night most times.
Also, as another pp said maybe the noise is a bouncer. I used to have to use mine for house.... or push her in the pram around my flat!!

@Elodie2019 erm.... who quoted you????

My point is that in my world you dont knock on someone's door and ask them to stay in one room and close all their windows when you've never even spoken or seen the person.

That's not quoting you?? That me stating my whole point this whole thread!? No one said you has said that??

Also... you stated that me saying 'in my world' means each to their own. When No... that's far from what I mean.

• Letting neighbours know noise is an issue in a non-confrontational setting Try and sort something out* There is zero non-confrontational way to tell parents of a crying baby that noise is an issue; nor is there a way to "sort something out" – like what? Reason with the baby? Ask it nicely?

The footsteps sound to me like parents trying to soothe their kid; DP used to Usain Bolt it up and down our corridor with DD on his shoulder when she was brand-new. (We were on the ground floor.) Windows open will be to keep the room cooled to the correct temp as per SIDs advice, I imagine; blackout blinds increase the room temp I find. Also DD gets more ferocious in a stuffy room.

OP. don't call SS, just suck it up. Buy earplugs. It won't be forever and at least you're not the one up with the baby, you have options – pillow over your head, drinking heavily, staying elsewhere, moving. Yes, it's tough luck, but not as tough luck as parenting an endlessly crying baby.

It depends. If they're being woken three times a night and the baby is then crying for an hour so they can't get back to sleep... that's different from waking up at the initial sound and then going back to sleep a minute or two later.

I'd politely let them know that you are being disrupted to the point where you can't live in the premises you are paying to live in.

See what they do.

Then if they do nothing - escalate.

When you live in a block of flats, that don't have a ban on babies... babies will be born and most will cry and most flats soundproofing is beyond shit.... I can hear when my neighbours husband has a piss in the night. 🙄

It's. Just. Life.

If she wants to speak with the neighbour about it she should defo not mention the noise because ... It's a baby. What can they do. She should just mention maybe the walking around if it's excessive and loud- but Tbh.. As I've said, there will be something else. Kids are loud especially when living above you!!! Once they can walk and they live above you it gets worse (in my experience any way lol)

Buy some good earplugs and please don’t call SS. Some babies do cry all of the time, it could be colic or reflux. My eldest cried 24/7 for the first three months and it was the most stressful time of my life, I felt like the worst Mother alive. It was colic, he was screaming in my arms a lot of the time so never ignored.

There’s not really much you can do about a crying baby, just get some earplugs and thank yourself lucky it isn’t your baby.

My point is that in my world you dont knock on someone's door and ask them to stay in one room and close all their windows when you've never even spoken or seen the person.

You are responding to something other people have said in this thread in you response to me.i have not suggested that the mother stays in one room fgs.
Rely to what I have said by all means. Respond to what others have said to them.

Elodie2019
No I said in my world you dont knock on someone's door and ask them to stay in 1 room blah blah blah

You then said in your world each to their own. . Which I then replied no in my world you dont knock on someone's door blah blah blah and repeated myself?

It's very common for young babies to cry a lot, sometimes night and day. My daughter was one of those and at the time we used to live in a flat. I know for sure that my neighbours used to feel the way you do and it stressed me out because I couldn't help it. I felt awful about it and I used to apologise to them every time I met them but they would just tell me not to worry about it....until she outgrew the crying which was several months down the line. It's hard because I know how both parties feel. I think earplugs is the way forward!!

My daughter one day cried 4pm-4am we tried feeding, changing, bathing, nappy, you name it we done it, literally wouldn’t stop, took her to A&E I was convinced she was broken, the doctor examined her, undressed her and she stayed asleep through the entire process, cheers kid. She without fail would cry every day 4-11, HV didn’t know, no bugger knew, one day saw a different Doctor and she was prescribed gaviscon and peace love and harmony were fully restored.

Crying babies are not fun for either party, and when you have a toddler hanging off your leg as well life can be pretty tough, I would have just liked a friendly face and some cake tbh

Roozy- Either way.. in my world you dont knock on a strangers door and ask them to close all their windows and stay in one room with their child because you're being woken up.

Your reply was "Sounds like 'in your world' it's each for their own.
Nice"

To which I replied " no.. in my world you dont knock and ask a knackered parent to stay in one room and close all their windows!!!
In my world you're not deluded and have some sort of empathy for people YOUVE NOT EVEN SEEN so don't even know their situation in the slightest."

Just stating my point again!? Not a quote from you. Just a reply to your comment about "living in my world" meant "each for their own"

I remember living in flats and having a baby above, so I feel your pain. But, there's very little you can do. Imagine how sleep deprived the parents will be.

I'm fairly sure you're exaggerating with how much they cry. You say "all the time", but is it really? Even a few times through the night is enough to destroy your own sleeping habits, and would definitely wind me up.

It's a hugely difficult situation. You can't make a baby be quiet. There's not a great deal of point complaining, as if the parents could stop the baby from crying, I'm certain they would. As for the windows.. the flat I used to live in was incredibly hot in the summer, so there's no way I could have slept with the windows closed.

Definitely time to get some earplugs. It's not fair on you, but unfortunately there's not a great deal you can do about it.

I can’t believe people actually suggested to call ss, and more than one poster. People seem to call ss over any little thing these days. My daughter was a crier, she use to cry all the time and was never happy it was so difficult, I was a young single mum and if someone called ss on me I would have been extremely upset.

If the baby was constantly crying in ‘daylight’ hours, I’d have to go and introduce myself and if they were friendly, ask if I could have a cuddle with the baby, get to know the family. I cope much better with babies crying if I know the parents are doing their best to comfort them! Then once you know them you could ask which of them wearsbhibnail boots & runs around at night!

But the OP sounds quite young & doesn’t have children so she might not feel as comfortable doing that.

In her case I’d give it another month and see if the baby gets help/grows out of it. It’s obviously far from ideal, but there’s no immediate solution to it.

If it’s day and night then I agree with a pp that you should contact ss and let them decide what to do.

“Hello social services I would like to report the child next door cries a lot and it’s disturbing my sleep”. It’s no wonder ss are so overstretched, I’ve heard it all now! Thank god I have understanding neighbours, when my children cried in the night, every single night and often in the day they pretended they couldn’t hear when I was apologising. They heard, there’s no way they didn’t. I’d have gone mental if someone had rang ss on me for my baby crying, I’m so thankful we have lovely neighbours who have had children and get it.

This situation sounds tough but I think going around there saying “shut your windows” is a bit shitty and won’t help matters, why can’t you shut your windows?

Earplugs are probably your best bet.

Use earplugs. It won't go on forever.

*I'd politely let them know that you are being disrupted to the point where you can't live in the premises you are paying to live in.

See what they do.

Then if they do nothing - escalate.*

“See what they do?” Errr what you anticipating they do? Take it out all night and day and just pop back for a shower? Gag maybe? Sell it on eBay? I mean are people really so stupid? I’m pretty sure if they can “do” anything they are already trying. It’s a baby not playing classic dance anthems at 3am!

“See what they do?” Errr what you anticipating they do? Take it out all night and day and just pop back for a shower? Gag maybe? Sell it on eBay? I mean are people really so stupid? I’m pretty sure if they can “do” anything they are already trying. It’s a baby not playing classic dance anthems at 3am

Shut the windows.
Stop the heavy footfall.
Co-sleep?
Take the baby to the Drs to see if s/he is suffering reflux or whatever?