75% of mothers

[user87382294757]

...do all of the housework and childcare related tasks - no matter how many hours they work outside of this

I was a bit depressed to read this in the Independent newspaper today.

I wondered how mush of this rings true in your experience?

When I lived with exdp, he done all the ironing, the washing, the hoovering, washing up, dog walking, and afternoon school runs.

I got the kids up and ready for school, the morning school run, all the cooking, putting all the ironing away, the dusting, changing beds, and food shopping.

So I would say 50:50 and it worked for us!

@nanbread I can definitely believe netmums would get that result ha.

I’m a sahm so it’s my ‘job’ to do it all.
Children are 3 and 9.
Dh has never done bath time. Or story time. Or bedtime. He’s never taken them both anywhere together. He’s never taken dd anywhere on his own at all. He’s not cooked one meal in 16 years. Or put the washing on. Or ironed. He spends all weekend pursuing his hobby as he’s been at work all week, and usually at least one week night. I’m not happy but there you are, it’s how it is. It was no different when I was at work between the two dc but I resented less as at least I only had one dc. Now I have two at very different stages and it’s hard work.

My initial reaction was that this is bollocks but then I thought about MIL/FIL and they are definitely like this! MIL still does all the cooking and cleaning despite them both being retired! I can’t believe it’s as much as 75% though.

In our house, DH does probably 80% of the cleaning and laundry despite working 40+ hours, compared to my 24. I do more of the childcare because I’m home more but when we’re both home, it’s probably exactly 50:50 (mostly we’re all together anyway). I do more of the cooking because I’m better at it!

@Runmelikeariver do you not worry about your impact on your children witnessing that set up? Only you can break the cycle.

DH will take kids to & from clubs, and will feed them, shower etc. But the child related mental load is all on me. Dh knows nothing about their school stuff, but then he works shifts so is rarely around for it.

I do ALL the housework, DH does the garden and cars.

I do think part of the issue as to why women do so much is because we get fed up with telling our OH what to do. Dh will hoover, or do the kitchen but not without being told to. Laundry wouldnt occur to him in a month of sundays, neither would cleaning the bathroom or washing the bedding.

I'm potentially starting a full time job after being a sahm for 9 years & my dhs job means he has days off during the week sometimes and I'm anxious about having to remind him of all the jobs that need doing through the week.

DP used to cook more. That's tailed off since he thinks I'm at home more so I should do it. I work part-time. I do all housework, put bins out, food shopping. Mental load too - remembering important dates, buying birthday cards and gifts. It's a massive bone of contention between us and is responsible for 50% of our arguments.

In fact today dp has been off.

Got up and worked 1 hour (included in my working day). Got ready, washed the pots, got ds ready and Took ds to school. Got to work at 9.15 and worked till 5pm. Got ds came home for about 5.30pm.

Today dp arranged to have a tree removed from our garden and started work on our drive as my car doesnt fit on. Clean the downstairs, did some washing, cooked dinner, ran me a bath and then made me a brew and we are sat together.

I dont believe the netmums survey. Its self reported. I know loads of women who claim to do everything. Until its pointed out that their husbands do pick up everyday, drive to hobbies and so on and so on.

I can well believe it. When I was married my ex cooked (because he liked to and enjoyed it) and I did every other damn thing. We are divorced now.

True in my house but because I love cooking I do 100% of it. Well, apart from on my birthday and valentines.

Cleaning is a cleaner or me but I just get to it first. I'm more than happy for it to be this way. Doesn't depress me!

When still with ex I probably did about 90%. He rarely did housework, cooked once a week, and wheedled his way out of kids activities. On the very rare occasion I went out he would look after the DCs but unless I’d cooked beforehand he’d order in a takeaway.

I can believe that there are men who don’t do anything, but 75% seems a bit high (unless you’re including single parents).

Runmelikeariver I’m a SAHM to a 5 and 4 year old (both at school) and an 8 month old. DH does the vast majority of the cooking, takes the DC to their groups/hobbies at the weekend, does their reading/spellings/homework with them and does a share of the household chores. He wouldn’t dare tell me it was my job to be the skivvy while he pursued his hobbies!
Does your DH spend any quality time with his children at all?

Recently my OH has been able to help out more as he isn’t working AS much eg I only have to do one evening activity run instead of 4. He’s also been cooking every night and I feel SO BLOODY GUILTY about it but it’s the only way we’re surviving at the minute. I do all school/childcare runs and am studying too and just can’t be responsible for everything else.

I also feel the mental load is all mine. Where the kids should be, what’s on at school, what costumes they need for this or that, where we’ll go on holiday etc etc etc I think that takes up s lot too.

We do about 50/50of the work.
I do about 97% of the thinking of what needs to be done. DH will do exactly what you ask him, but it wouldn’t occur to him to wash all the school uniform on a Friday night (or at any point in the weekend) without being asked.0

No. Most weeks he sees them barely any time at all. It’s how his dad was too. I’ve given up trying to change it tbh.

My mum and dad, my dad does some cooking. My mum does everything else. My brother even though he has 4 kids does nothing.

Pathetic. In that case 75% of mothers are mugs

@Runmelikeariver "No. Most weeks he sees them barely any time at all. It’s how his dad was too. I’ve given up trying to change it tbh." Exactly, it's a cycle. So if you have a son he's likely to replicate the same behaviour and if you have a daughter she's likely to see it as normal and put up with it herself. Don't you want more for them?

DP did most of the child care whe the boys were young.
We don't divide tasks up. With the shifts I work and the hours that DP does due to being self employed it would be silly. It would mean for example dishes not getting done, the laundry stacking up or the wheelie bin not going out on the right day as the person who was meant to do it wasn't there.
We work as two functioning adults who can see a bathroom needs cleaning or the carpet needs hoeing. This isn't a new fangled idea. My mum and dad where doing this when I was a kid and they are nearly 80 now. DPS parents were too and if they were still alive be over a100 years old now ( they didn't do wheelie bins or dishwashers though!)

In our house my husband in the main earner and I respect him for that.

Me going to work depends if I can find childcare that fits around it and that my earnings cover the cost and that the childcare is suitable. It is my responsibility to ensure the kids are fed/clean/healthy and looked after. I recently had a full time job that turned out to leaving the house at 7am after getting two kids ready and myself, getting them to childcare and getting myself to another city, working all day, then getting the kids and getting home 5:30ish and getting them fed and to bed and then having homework and doing household chores.

In our house the cleaning, the food shop, the childcare and arranging stuff for them is up to me, the washing and dishes and cooking and grass cutting and dog walking is my stuff. Whether I'm working full time or not at all. He does occasionally do something household wise, but would normally be a wash or a meal every few weeks.

I feel like I do more than my fair share, though I only have my view point.

The survey say 75% of women think they do the lion's share not ALL.

Lion's share is pretty ambiguous too. What is that? 60%? 80%?

And given there are more SAHM than SAHD this will skew that too.

If this www.independent.co.uk/life-style/men-women-parenting-housework-childcare-a9098091.html is the report in question, it doesn't say that 75% do all the house work /childcare. It's the majority though, which I can well believe. My own mother took me to one side before my wedding and basically told me that it was not acceptable to expect my partner to do half after we were married

The report actually says that a survey of 2000 U.K. parents stated that 40% of men and 20% of women believed chores were shared equally. That 74% of women believed they did “the lion’s share” whatever THAT means! 51% on up?

Without seeing the survey can’t really tell how they asked the questions? Because it’s one thing to do more than 50% because you are a SAHM and quite another to think that this is “not equal”

I know no one that does nothing. My misogynistic North African father even did SOMETHING. DH helped at weekends even when he travelled abroad for work Mon-Fri. He worked 12 hours today (albeit from home) and did the laundry this evening. DH’s dad stayed at home with the kids.

All my male friends seem to do housework and definitely do childcare when partner is out for leisure/hobbies/work.

Where are these people?!

My partner takes our child to school in the mornings and thinks that he is doing his fair share. I do everything else. Including work full time (he doesn’t). I know life could be better than this.