75% of mothers

[user87382294757]

...do all of the housework and childcare related tasks - no matter how many hours they work outside of this

I was a bit depressed to read this in the Independent newspaper today.

I wondered how mush of this rings true in your experience?

I can't imagine that 75% of men do zero work, that's pulled out of proportion. However I do believe that many men do less than their fair share.

In my house I work one day a week and do 90-95% of everything, including DIY, all aspects of housework and childcare for 3 under 3s. He pays most bills, works full-time, does the washing up very occasionally, and stares at his phone the rest of the time ignoring the kids.
He used to do a bit more until recently, but badly while complaining loudly, so I made a conscious decision to do it all to see if I could manage to do everything by myself. I can very well! Now just trying to sort the financial side of things, and then I can leave the lazy bastard.

To those who ask why we put up with it, he wasn't like this before kids! We were both a bit laisse faire about the house, but I stepped up after kids, he stepped back. I went back to work full-time after my first DC, and still did all the work at home. I used to believe him when he said he'd change and step up, but he was all talk... And yes he is very unattractive to me now is also lazy in bed

johnhoeseph exactly that.

During the week I do 90%of childcare, weekends it's 50-50.
Cooking is 50-50 (we both enjoy cooking). He does the dishes more often than me but I do 100% of the cleaning of bathrooms, making beds etc. I mostly do the washing but he does help with the folding sometimes.

Overall given that currently he works quite long hours and I am a SAHM, we have a pretty fair balance. When both of us worked full time, we did everything pretty much 50-50.

When travelling, it is really rare to see a dad looking after the kids as much as a mum. It is normally from people watching, the mum doing all or nearly all of it.

Going that way in the house no child is at school. One parent is around home more and the other working late more due to changed hours for school run.

Will have to review after a few weeks and work our how to rebalance if it is getting out of hand.

Probably needs a set routine of chores or something to get balance back, or maybe a weekend checklist.

When travelling, it is really rare to see a dad looking after the kids as much as a mum. It is normally from people watching, the mum doing all or nearly all of it

That’s quite sad. When we go away DH certainly does the bulk of it, because it’s chance to actually spend some quality time with them that he doesn’t get while working. He enjoys their company. Anyone would think some men didn’t actually like spending time with/caring for their children.

^ actually I know this to be the case. DH is a director in a corporate environment and says that many of his (male) colleagues say that they don’t enjoy spending time with their families as it’s dull and mundane.

Yes people watching I see men playing with their kids at the park. But it is totally different in a less fun environment such as an airport. There it is mums who do the work.

Not true for me.

I do more housework and childcare than dp but he also works twice the hours I do.

For example I came home from work last night around 10pm. Left the house at 8:30am. Dp left at 7:30am and picked up ds from school at 5pm. He then made dinner for ds, cleaned the kitchen, hoovered and mopped the floor, did the dishes, helped ds with his reading and homework, put him to bed and made dinner for himself and me, plus a pot of coffee for me.

The same will happen today.

Tomorrow I'll be off work and I'll do the chores while he's in work so we can both chill out in the evening

Re people watching, I agree.

Look around in a restaurant and you'll see babies and toddlers sitting with mum next to them - she's cutting up food, picking up dropped items, taking them to the loo, helping w sippy cups, while her food goes cold. Dad sits there and watches 90% of the time, and even when he's finished his (hot) meal, he doesn't step in to tag team it... He's just not involved.

DH and I have often spotted this dynamic since before we had kids, in fact he's the one to point it out a lot of the time. He's also good at ranting about e.g. lack of baby changing table in the men's cubicles while the ladies has just as much space yet there's one I spot in there.

Facilities may make it easier for mum to do nappy changing but that's about it.. the rest is just not being a real team.

I always make sure I’m sat next to our easiest child when out for a meal . I put the ones who need more input next to DH!

Yes I agree Ironical. And some of those couples will say they were both looking after the kids together, when it was the mum doing all the work.

An elderly Italian lady told DH off once at Milan airport as I was doing all the toddler wrangling. It was great

He tends to be in charge of organising travelling when we go to London though as I find the tube really stressful.

I do 90% of cleaning and probably 80% childcare but I work 16 hours vs DP working 50-60.

I agree however that I do more of the parenting "graft", his days off looking after DD are full of going to the farm and being fun, because all of the cleaning/food shopping/organising stuff has been sorted by me. Days out may look like a joint thing but I am the one packing the bag for the day out, choosing what DD will eat, chopping up her food, unpacking the bag when we got home... all the shite basically.

Yep - I do it all. Plus run my own business, although I can work my own hours, when I feel like it. DP works 7 days a week as a builder running his own company - extremely busy and earning good money to spend AND put away so I don’t mind!

Do you have a link to the article or the study in question, OP?

I suspect there is a slight misreporting of the data in your initial post, but I'm willing to be wrong. It is, however, true according to several studies that women do more housework than men even when they also work a greater number of hours.

Not true in my house. On physical stuff we share the load. I do more of the mental load, but we make an effort to share that too. It falls to me because people have my contact details. We've changed that a bit now and he picks up more of it. He is very aware it falls to me though and understands why that's a problem.

I reckon this title should read "70% of mothers choose the wrong partners to have children with"

In terms of actual chores, I probably do 65% to his 35%. In terms of managing the budget, meal planning etc, I do 100%.

Just wanted to share my story, offload my sadness a little.
15 months ago when my LB was only 12 weeks old my Husband of one year (together for 7) walked out and left us for a woman he started kissing at work two weeks beforehand.
Before this he was a wonderful man, adored me, said he loved our life, my soulmate.
I had quite a traumatic birth and a difficult time after birth. When I found out he had kissed her my world collapsed, I was already dealing with so many emotions being a first time Mum and finding it all very overwhelming breastfeeding etc.
He said he was going to sort his head out on the Friday and his friends and actually slept with that vile woman and never came back. The following week renting a house with her. Walked out on his Wife, newborn Son, two dogs, our friends and families, the home he built and never looked back. Didn’t bat an eyelid.
At first I thought he would see sense and come home. He never. He’s still with her.
I’ve always allowed contact with our Son but under my roof.
What’s also strange is I basically had a breakdown in front of him. Cried everyday for 8 months solid whilst holding our home and family together and not once had he shown and empathy, remorse towards me. If anything I irritate him. Said he hasn’t been happy for ages that’s why he did it, we had only just got married and had a child. There’s nothing to suggest this. If that was true you would talk about it and at least try wouldn’t you?!
So 15 months on I’m in a much better place but still can’t move on from it or get over how he could hurt me and not care. Not care how I’d would cope at the most vulnerable time in my life. How it would affect me and our baby.

Not "all", no. More than their fair share, yes. I have never heard of a man who does absolutely none.

Wouldn't fly in this house!

Fuck - I really need to LTB

All these posters that have married adults that contribute to running the house.

Not here. No wonder I'm fucking miserable. I just thought it was the way most men were and I should put up and shut up as I'm a SAHM.
I did go back to work when my DD was born for the first couple of years, but I couldn't cope with doing everything. I'm now terrified that I wouldn't cope (as in have a breakdown) if I went back to work as I'd STILL be doing everything.

And I do the fucking bins and gardening!

I have my own business, he is a SAHD and does 100% of housework and about 60% childcare. I would help around the house but I don't do it up to his standard.

I do the finances and admin, though.