75% of mothers

[user87382294757]

...do all of the housework and childcare related tasks - no matter how many hours they work outside of this

I was a bit depressed to read this in the Independent newspaper today.

I wondered how mush of this rings true in your experience?

DH works full time and I do 25 hours. Unfortunately I have an infuriating DH who thinks he's a feminist and his opinions back this up - which is an easy when you have a wife who works and does everything!

Er no, he sounds like a sexist prick to me who expects a 1950s housewife who also works... how is this 'feminist' exactly? Truly baffled

"house diy, kitchen, bathroom, wc, cupboards, painting, hanging doors etc."

Right but the dishes need to be done every day, but I'm not asking my husband to hang the doors this evening

Poolbridge I am about to walk away as well! I've realised its time to look after me. I have resented the lack of support for the last few years and where years ago I just carried on for the kids sake I know dont have to and so am going ti soend the resf of mh life pleasing myself. I have worked all my life but am made ti feel that I do nothing and deserve nothing because I dont pay the mortgage. Once my oh retired I realised just how littke we had in common and how even now how little he does around the place despite having all day everyday to do it. Its thr mental load that women take on with a family that is overlooked by men. All that juggling tires you out so sometimes you just have to drop the balls and walk away. Im sure we could all come up with day to day stuff we automatically do that the men in our lives dont give a second thought to!

Too tired to RTFT but I wonder how many men (or how many men whose partners do everything) have lived alone?

I am not shocked, and think it's a major cause of divorce.

The problem is when women started routinely working outside of the home...women changed, but men didn't.

I'm appalled at how many men expect their wives to work and contribute financially while still being the perfect 1950s housewife.

I don't blame any woman in this situation walking away, feck thatbit is so disrespectful to not help your spouse with things.
DP is great around the home but can be still a man child, I wouldn't love or respect him if he didn't.

Well, so far 81% have said it on here, so seems to be backed up

My husband has a very busy business and is out of the house from 6am to 6pm and is pretty much exhausted when he's at home. I therefore do 100% of the childcare and housework. I don't mind really because I am a control freak and I don't work at the moment, but it bothers me that he doesn't even try. I mean just doing the washing up from time to time would be nice. But would it be fair of me to expect that seeing as he is the main breadwinner and works so hard?

I worry mainly about the example it is sending to my children - I don't want my boys growing up thinking that is the woman's role.

I’m shocked at the 75% figure.

It’s not true. The OP completely misquoted the Independent story which, in turn, was reporting on a Netmums survey for which no methodology or complete data is available.

Nor does the story say that mothers do 75% of the work as some people have now twisted it to mean.

The story said that 75% of mothers think they do the lion’s share.

There’s no wonder we have so much fake news when so many people unquestioningly believe such an obviously dubious ‘statistic’ posted on an anonymous internet forum without applying any critical thinking. But people do love something that sounds official and supports their internal narrative - even if it’s completely untrue.

My ex (pre-kids) was like this, hence the fact he was an ex.
DH was a single dad when I met him and was used to doing everything himself. When I worked PT I obviously did more housework and childcare. I now work 4 days and DH does 60% cooking, 50/50 childcare (homework/dropping off to 10000 activiites). But he is shite at cleaning, but does about 40% of it.
So all in its pretty fair BUT I still do the "mental load" majority. Thinking about childcare/babysitters/birthday presents/planning: holidays/days out/logisitcs, healthcare: dentists, doctors, dietary shit....

We're pretty much split down the middle with housework and admin stuff.

I'm a SAHM and my DH runs his own business so sometimes he's at home and sometimes away. Obviously when he's really busy I try and do everything, but when things a quieter for him he definitely does his fair share.

Well the majority are agreeing with it aren't they? If it was not the case in RL most would have said the opposite...

“Well the majority are agreeing with it aren't they? If it was not the case in RL most would have said the opposite...“

Er, no. That’s not how scientific research works or how you validate data. At one time, the majority of people agreed that women were less intelligent than men.
Majority opinion very rarely equals fact.

Well the majority are agreeing with it aren't they?

Are they? I haven't been through and counted each response - have you? Or have you just remembered the ones that agree with you and given more weight to them, as is human nature?

And what are they agreeing with? Your incorrect OP? What the Independent story actually said? The hybrid that's appeared? Or some other interpretation? And who know how the Netmums survey was actually carried out?

I have really noticed since DH started taking on more that 50% of the doing that he is also taking on more of the thinking - thinking about who DD might want a playdate with, when she might be tired and need an early night, what needs to be washed so she has clean kit on the right days - I think it's that that a lot of men don't worry themselves about the thinking and planning, even if they are cooking and cleaning and taking he bins out!

I'm finding it a revelation not to have to worry about being DD's social secretary! If she gets party invites from a school friend they go straight to DH.

I was meaning the vote of 81%

I didn’t vote as there wasn’t really a question, but I most certainly don’t do all the domestic work.

*So many people saying their make partner does nothing. Honestly, why do you put up with it?

Exactly. Is it because all the men you know are the same? Or that you assume they are?*

It was the opposite in my case. Most of the men I knew before my DH were decent adults who cooked/cleaned etc. in my prior relationship of almost a decade my then partner did more cooking/cleaning/organizing than I did. So I naively figured we had moved on from women being skivvys. The extent of my husbands domestic laziness didn't become apparent until after we had children so I feel I was duped in a way. If I'd known then what I know now I never would have went ahead with the pregnancy. I too used to sigh in exasperation as "these women" and said I'd never tolerate such behaviour/I'd never be with a man like that etc. so you can imagine how enraged I am with myself.

I've "put up" with it so far because of the DC, I try to improve things so that they will benefit from the security of a two parent family. Yes I'm not modeling a great relationship but for now I feel the benefits for them outweigh that. This will change as they get a little older though. I'm biding my time until they start school then if things haven't changed I'll leave.

Yep true!

I have really noticed since DH started taking on more that 50% of the doing that he is also taking on more of the thinking

I'd add that taking responsibility over specific tasks also help and it's less confusing for all.

"is out of the house from 6am to 6pm and is pretty much exhausted"

I mean, that's a pretty normal working day. Start at 9, finish at 6, an hour commute each way and you have basically the same hours as your husband.

If he's exhausted based on that, he needs to go to the doctor, unless his job is extremely physical.

I've only met one woman who this didn't apply to and she had a cleaner... for those saying "oh my hubby does it all" either he doesn't or you're doing just about everything else or have a specific reason why

Men will never willingly clean unless they have OCD or are single parents

For context, my DH helps but I do the bulk

Absolute bullshit. If it makes you feel better to believe that "men" (what, all of them? every. single. one?) don't willingly clean then you crack on. It isn't true though.

Perhaps you are willing to accept that you would spend your life with someone who thinks of you as their cleaner and maid. That's your choice. Don't presume to apply that to me, or anyone else. I choose not to be in a relationship with any man who thinks that his sex excuses him from contributing to the home he lives in. Perhaps set your bar higher?

Oh, and it isn't help. He isn't helping. Help implies that you assist someone with a task that is theirs. Keeping your own home and clothes clean isn't help.

I think it's really hard to put a percentage on it though! If there is an obvious imbalance then OK, but otherwise it's difficult to say and I would definitely rate some tasks as "counting" for more than others.

I do most of the cooking, but that's because I am quicker at it and I enjoy it. But if I weren't able, DP is perfectly capable of heating things up cooking for us, and will do.

I do more of the cleaning - dusting, hoovering, whatever. I'd say we're about equal on the washing up. He does more of the laundry.

I sort most of the bills and things, but that's because DP often works away during the week and isn't on the spot in order to deal with phoning to correct the incorrect council tax bill that's just arrived though. However, if I told him "X needs to be done, here are the details, I haven't got time to do it" then he would do it while away.

In terms of DIY he does almost everything because I am useless at it. With DD at the moment I do slightly more but I think that will even out as she gets older.

I've never even thought about whether this is 50/50 or what, but I don't think that either of us feel hard done by and that's what's important surely? Of course I could try harder will DIY and he could try to cook a bit more. But then I would have to eat his food.

Single parent here so yup that's true enough here! I might not be the right demographic though!! When were together I did at least 60%...