Apologies in advance for the essay.
STBXH works FT. I work PT and are a SAHM the other days.
As I explained to my therapist in March of this year regarding my STBXH, I feel like a slave in our home, because I am a slave. I do:
99% of washing dishes
99% of wiping up spills, food crumbs on kitchen and dining table surfaces, around gas top etc (STBXH never cleans up his own mess - so has no reason to cook in a tidy away, eat in a tidy way, make tea or coffee without spills, etc)
100% of defrosting of freezer (STBXH often doesn't close freezer properly, necessitating need for defrosting, but NEVER defrosts freezer himself) - thus creating work for me
100% of cleaning out fridge of old / inedible food
100% of occasional sweeping / vacuuming floors
98% of laundering, folding and putting away of bed linen (usually weekly)
85% of laundering, folding and putting away of towels (usually weekly / 10 days)
98% of shopping for food and household items (for eg toilet paper, laundry soap) and stacking food away and household items
99% of cleaning of large rear garden (mowing lawns, trimming trees, weeding)
100% of removing mildew, mould and dirt from concrete patio area
85% of cleaning weeds and rubbish from driveway
100% of driving
99% of putting kitchen waste, recycleables and bathroom waste into outside rubbish bin
100% of re-sorting recycleable bins because STBXH won't put correct waste into right bin
90% of putting outside rubbish bins back in place once rubbish removalist have emptied them
98% of driving waste and emptying waste (garden, large items) at local tip
100% of re-stacking dishwasher as STBXH refuses to stack dishes in dishwasher which maximises amount of items can be put in.
100% of bleaching bathroom grout - every ~3 months
100% of removing limescale from shower door - every ~3 months
100% of weekly and annual maintenance required of dishwasher and washing machine and dryer (descaling, emptying and degreasing filters etc)
100% of taking DC to activities eternal to house (STBXH has I think only taken DC out of the house on his own not more than 5 times in close to 18 months) - including not even taking DC into outside back garden. He keeps DC trapped in the house and never takes her our for fresh air.
100% of laundering and putting away DC's clothes and other laundry items
95% of cleaning DC's highchair and floor around it
98% of shopping for all items relating to DC (clothes, equipment, toys, books etc)
80% of cooking of DC's meals
85% of tidying away DC's toys
Until recently, 90% of bathing DC. Now closer to 55%
80% of cleaning up after DC on Saturday, when STBXH is meant to be doing this;
100% for checking house bank account and arranging top ups
100% for organising / liaising with electricity and gas providers, council re council tax, internet provider, water provider, tv licence payments, house insurance, car insurance payments, car tax payments, responding / opposing harmful local planning applications
100% of liaising with internal house cleaner and window cleaner
100% for arranging annual car insurance, car roadworthy check
100% for assembling and maintaining DC's toys (batteries etc)
100% for researching and booking all details of family holidays
95% of liaison with trades people for repairs for house
I also manage all affairs with our 2 rented houses; tenant management, repairs, inspections, tax returns, etc.
STBXH does:
75% of emptying dishrack (after nagging mostly, and because he does it so rarely it often means that because it is overflowing, I can't wash evening dishes and then start day with unclean kitchen, and having to wash dishes in the early morning, before I can start my day)
98% of emptying dishwasher
Twice a year, a half-hearted effort of cleaning front gravel garden - removing waste and some leaves (usually I have to finish the job once STBXH purports to make a half hearted effort). It only happens after I have asked him and he has promised me to do this > 20 times, and I have become either furiously angry or despondent with hopelessness. 363 of 365 days of the year I have had to look at rubbish collecting in our front garden because STBXH refuses to clean this area.
Most of the 3 tasks that STBXH has 'agreed' responsibility for, he does with such reluctance and resentment, it creates a weight and heaviness to my spirit.
On the cooking of food, STBXH has made it clear from day 1 of our marriage that if I won't BOTH cook healthy and nutritious meals for both of us and then clean up afterwards, he will eat 2 minute noodles or order take out. More often than not, when I cook meals STBXH also insults my cooking, or say he doesn't want to eat any of my food because he is full, but then he will order kebab, Indian or Chinese at 10pm at night once I go to bed. STBXH never takes any ownership or responsibility for meal preparation, and will often ask me at 7 or 7:30pm whats for dinner? Thus confirming his expectation I should be cooking something and him taking no responsibility for our shared need for healthy and nutritious food. STBXH 'go to' is processed or take-out food - which if push comes to shove, that is what I get from him.
Yes, I like many others married a 'Prince' among men. And after 9 years - 9 bl#!dy years - I am only just now escaping.
On a serious note however, what does it say about our society that so many men feel able to treat women in such an unequal way. And what does it say about me - an educated, qualified, professional person that I have enabled him to do this, and put up with this for so long. How on earth do we change this male privilege that even in 2019 is so ingrained...?