Boyfriend has made me feel disgusting for having a cold sore, who is BU?

[PandorasCrocs]

Video call to a man I've been dating last night and I mentioned having a cold sore on my lip that was slightly annoying. He reacted in judgement, made me feel frankly disgusting and said he thought I would have told him I get cold sores. He's concerned etc. Do I get them elsewhere.

I've had two in my entire life, cue me telling him to do some research because it's very common and it's not an STD.

Aibu to be hurt by his ignorant reaction or is he BU? He's made me feel quite dirty to be honest.

Are you supposed to disclose to a new partner that you've ever had a cold sore?

I'm a bit WTF to be honest. It has soured the mood and I'm due to see him this evening.

Out of interest, do you disclose your warts and veruccas?
Asking for a friend

Genuinely curious, those of you who have said they would never date someone with coldsores - have any of you been tested for either HSV-1 or HSV-2 at any point?

DS1 is 13 and has coldsores. Not a clue where it's come from as DH and I have never suffered, it's as normal as getting a cold; he tends to get them when he's over tired or run down, we treat them, he's learned good hygiene and it isn't a big deal.

According to our GP many people contract HSV1 before they're 5 years old and it just lies dormant til they have an outbreak. Being rude about them just makes him a dick and early on in a relationship I'd question why he needed to be so rude.

If I’m honest I’m very freaked out by cold sores, and yes I do think you need to tell a new partner that you are prone to them since you can pass on the virus BEFORE the sore becomes visible (so when you don’t realise you have one) and once you get them, you get them for life! I wouldn’t judge someone for having one but I’d be very freaked out if my partner got them out of fear that I’d catch them too!

Genuinely curious, those of you who have said they would never date someone with coldsores - have any of you been tested for either HSV-1 or HSV-2 at any point?

This! Most people have no idea at all if they've got either virus - you can carry it all your life.

Do you have children namechangedbecauseithinkiabu? Will
You freak out if they contract them? For example from a classmate at school?

I get them.
That is why I left my DH and the children to live the simple life of a hermit on a rock in the North Sea and took a vow of chastity.
You can't be too careful.
Shame on those infected who are still at large.

sympathies Lagatha

and imagine the outrage of these same people, if other people with serious a serious life threatening virus lived among us.. oh hang on

I can't believe people are actually saying they'd want to know if someone ever had a cold sore prior to dating them LOL. I've had cold sores, haven't in the last 10 years, been with my partner for 3 years and he's never had one. It's pretty simple, just don't kiss on the lips when you have one. That's why they tell every single person not to kiss newborn babies because most people have had a cold sore before. Big deal, stress less OP

Telling someone you get coldsores from the beginning isn't something you think about when you first get with someone. It never crossed my mind until a few month later my fiance said he thought he might be getting one. I get them sometimes and I just said oh OK! If it's something you feel that strongly about when dating a person maybe you should ask!

Ok ignorance here but if you get oral cold sores, and have oral sex on your partner when you have no symptoms (ie only get them every few years), can they get genital herpes in that time, or is it only when you have an outbreak you can pass it on?

Someone needs to alert match.com / tinder etc etc that their question sets for members are sadly lacking....

Yes I do have children! I will of course be very sad for them if they contract the virus and start to get coldsores - what a ludicrous question! What parent wouldn’t be upset if their child caught a painful and very contagious condition?

This is taken direct from the Herpes website. It basically says the majority of people have / will have it.

This is what other sites don’t tell you:
(For the related condition, herpes zoster, please go to the Shingles Support Society page.)

Genital herpes is caused by a herpes simplex virus (type 1 or type 2) – nearly everyone (70%) will catch at least one type, sooner or later.
Most don’t know they have it: 1 in 3 will have symptoms and get diagnosed. The others have mild symptoms and so they are unlikely to be diagnosed – or they have no symptoms at all.
The word ‘incurable’ is used to make it seem important when it isn’t.
Some people get recurrences and we can advise on how these can be reduced and stopped.
Many other infections stay with us – chickenpox, glandular fever are two. Other infections also hide in the body. Nobody makes a fuss about them.

I know up isn't saying genital but it's type 1 or 2, simple as that.

So if you've had chickenpox, you have had herpes. Is anyone backtracking now ?

What about thrush? Is that a noticeable condition and a dumpable offence if a partner has had, or is prone to, outbreaks?

My husband has them. I've been with him nearly 30 years and have never had one.

I've got a fairly strong immunity, which I put down to not being totally neurotic when it comes down to a few germs, bar usual hygiene eg showering daily, regular handwashing etc etc.

Forgot to add, the only thing we do (or not) regarding the cold sores is what I would consider normal hygiene....not sharing towels when it's active (free for all otherwise) and avoiding kissing or sex when it's active.

These comments are astounding!

I’d be more inclined to ask a potential partner if they’d ever left a wet towel on a bed, rather than if they’d ever had a cold sore. Only one of those would be a deal breaker for me 😂

Cold sores are as comparable to genital herpes as genital herpes is to chicken pox and shingles. There’s just a lot of judgy people here who are all probably carrying the cold sore virus themselves, they’ve just been lucky never to have an flare up.

A really high proportion of people catch oral herpes. It’s just only the minority actually suffer with recurrences.

Also HSV-1 can be spread to the genitals via oral sex. I’ve read that 1 in 3 new cases of genital herpes are actually HSV-1.

Well, I'm in big trouble...I suffered with cold sores as a child/teenager. I haven't had one since university, and I don't believe I've ever even thought to tell DH...wonder if he'd change his mind about me 16 years later if he knew? 🙄
Seriously shaking my head at the willful ignorance...

By law all employees of a limited company, including directors, must be paid the national minimum wage. If you suspect they aren’t doing this then you can report them anonymously

DS caught the virus as a toddler. No idea where from - neither DP nor I had ever had one. Maybe nursery.

He is now 12 and hasn’t had a cold sore for nine years.

When shall I break it to him that he must commit himself to a life of celibacy?

Those who are drawing a distinction between oral cold sores and genital herpes, other than simply the labels applied to them: I'm curious to know what your distinction is.

I'd say they are both harmless viruses, which are carried by a high proportion of the population. If you're going to be sniffy, then by all means be sniffy about both. But I don't understand how you can be sniffy about genital herpes but ok with it elsewhere on the body.