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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed a +1?

152 replies

Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:27

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My friend is getting married abroad and I'm a bridesmaid. I know one other person going, another bridesmaid, who is invited along with her husband and two children. I have not been given a plus one.

AIBU to think I should have been, considering that it's abroad and the bride will obviously be busy and my other friend will often be busy with her children? I don't have a partner if that changes things.

OP posts:
Icecreamsoda99 · 15/09/2019 18:35

If you are a bridesmaid you will be in the thick of it on the day and likely to have lots of people to talk to. If it's about the days either side can you ask a friend to come and then they spend the wedding day doing something else? Unless it's a resort wedding with multiple events.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 15/09/2019 18:37

If you had a partner it would be reasonable for them to be invited.

As you don't, who are you planning to take?

Kyvia · 15/09/2019 18:40

YABU I’m afraid. The other bridesmaid’s family being invited is not the equivalent to you being given a ‘+1’ to bring just anyone to the wedding.

Could you just invite another friend to the holiday bit of the trip, and they entertain themselves on the day of the wedding?

Original poster
Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:40

If you are a bridesmaid you will be in the thick of it on the day and likely to have lots of people to talk to.

I won't - there are very few going from her side, and his side are (largely) not English speakers.

As you don't, who are you planning to take? I would take a friend, as I always do when I get a +1.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:41

Could you just invite another friend to the holiday bit of the trip, and they entertain themselves on the day of the wedding?

I think it would be a bit rude to suggest this to anyone. It's not a particularly touristy place. Thanks for the reply though.

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Billballbaggins · 15/09/2019 18:41

If it was in the UK I’d say that YABabitU but as it’s abroad I think it’s very harsh they haven’t given you a +1, yeah.

Nicknacky · 15/09/2019 18:41

I wouldn’t expect to get a +1 in this circumstance.

notintergalatic · 15/09/2019 18:42

YABU although I understand that it’s a really annoying position to be in. Is there a hen party? You can bond with other guests at that. And I’m sure your other friend will be happy to hang out with you or even go out with you and leave the kids with the OH 👍🏽

SheChoseDown · 15/09/2019 18:43

Personally I wouldn't pay to go to a wedding of a stranger abroad. Do you have a friend that would??
She obviously knows the bridesmaids family and that's why they're invited. Just suck it up, you'll have fun 😊

WombatStewForTea · 15/09/2019 18:44

I think it would be harsh on your plus one. They'd know literally nobody while you're getting ready and doing all the bridesmaids bits

Original poster
Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:45

YABU although I understand that it’s a really annoying position to be in. Is there a hen party? You can bond with other guests at that.

No, no hen party. There are hardly any guests from her side. There are many from his, but most wont speak English.

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 15/09/2019 18:45

I wouldn’t have expected a plus one when I was single. I’d expect long-term partners to be invited but not a random friend that the couple has zero connection to. Fine if the couple have unlimited funds but for most people, every friend who comes along to keep a guest company means one fewer friend of the couple’s own they can invite.

Original poster
Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:47

Personally I wouldn't pay to go to a wedding of a stranger abroad. Do you have a friend that would?? Yes, I do. One who knows the bride well.

I think it would be harsh on your plus one. They'd know literally nobody while you're getting ready and doing all the bridesmaids bits

I hadn't thought of this. They would only be on their own whilst I walked down the aisle really though.

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Original poster
Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:49

Maybe I am being unreasonable then. If it was a UK wedding it wouldn't bother me at all, but it feels a bit depressing to spend money on travelling abroad to sit alone for a large amount of the time I'm there.

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walkintheparc · 15/09/2019 18:50

As you don't have a partner then of course you don't get a plus one. Most people's weddings have a "+1 if we know them" rule. I wouldn't have wanted someone's random friend at my wedding, very different from a partner.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/09/2019 18:52

We're not giving plus ones for my wedding. Everyone should know at least a couple of other people there, so hopefully nobody will feel left alone, but it put the cost up more than we wanted to pay to give people a plus one too. We're inviting partners and couples who were together when we paid for the venue, that's the best we can do - we don't want to spend a fortune feeding people that we don't know, if I'm honest. It already feels insanely expensive for a day!

Ours is UK, though.

Goodlookingcreature · 15/09/2019 18:52

No. Presumably she is getting married abroad so she can have people she’s close to there. Their wedding isn’t about you.

WindsweptEgret · 15/09/2019 18:52

YABU. You don't have a partner and giving everyone all the single people a plus one might mean that they couldn't invite all the guests they wanted to due to numbers.

SerenavanderWoodson · 15/09/2019 18:53

It sounds like a small wedding (on the brides side at least) so I can understand why they wouldn’t want to invite a plus one they didn’t know.
The one you refer to who knows the bride well obviously isn’t close enough to the bride to have actually been invited, so maybe they wouldn’t want you to bring them as your plus one.

livefornaps · 15/09/2019 18:54

Cheer up, droopy drawers

NearlyGranny · 15/09/2019 18:54

Are bridesmaids only actually 'on duty' during the service these days?

Gosh, I'm badly out of touch.

FWOW I think YABU to expect a +1 under the circumstances. Go as a one off and see what exciting people you meet!

Original poster
Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:56

No. Presumably she is getting married abroad so she can have people she’s close to there. Their wedding isn’t about you.

She's getting married abroad because she lives abroad.

YABU. You don't have a partner and giving everyone all the single people a plus one might mean that they couldn't invite all the guests they wanted to due to numbers.

There are only two single people going from her side, so only two single people travelling to get there.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 15/09/2019 18:58

I suppose from the couple’s perspective as it’s abroad it’ll be a like a group/family holiday and they wouldn’t be as comfortable including someone they don’t know.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 15/09/2019 18:59

Mm no YABU sorry. Giving every single person going a plus one would likely bump numbers up considerably and potentially limit guests they would actually want there. I mean, a random friend of yours wouldn’t add much to their day.

Original poster
Whenyourehome · 15/09/2019 18:59

It sounds like a small wedding (on the brides side at least) so I can understand why they wouldn’t want to invite a plus one they didn’t know. Very small on the bride's side, very large on the groom's.

Cheer up, droopy drawers Hope that gave you a moment of pleasure. Piss off.

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