To think I should be allowed a +1?

[Whenyourehome]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My friend is getting married abroad and I'm a bridesmaid. I know one other person going, another bridesmaid, who is invited along with her husband and two children. I have not been given a plus one.

AIBU to think I should have been, considering that it's abroad and the bride will obviously be busy and my other friend will often be busy with her children? I don't have a partner if that changes things.

Wow - can't believe some of the responses on here. YANBU - you aren't demanding a +1 but a good friend would have considered how lonely an 18hour trip and few days in a foreign country would be, especially without having people who speak the same language/you know. Weddings these days have turned into a completely selfish self-centred affair for most people IMO. It's now an excuse to not consider anyone and people don't care who they hurt, but expect everyone to fall at their feet to celebrate their day & get offended if they don't. I'm pretty sure weddings were never like this in the past!

No partner no plus 1

Checking brides hair and makeup stays nice for the day.
Getting the bride drink (usually water to stay hydrated)

Sorry but this made me laugh

I agree YANBU. I would rather have a stranger at my wedding than let a dear friend feel uncomfortable by denying them a +1. I didn’t need my bridesmaids to fetch me drinks, monitor my make up of help me to the toilet. Surely most brides are not as precious either?

Surely most brides are not as precious either? This one, I'm pleased to say, definitely won't be.

YANBU. She is asking a huge effort from you in attending without considering your experience.

And can’t believe the people saying you’ll meet people you can talk to - I hate being in that situation and I’m pretty chatty and outgoing.

YANBU. As a close friend and bridesmaid you should have been given the option to bring someone. As the bride it wouldn't matter to me who that was, as long as it made the occasion better for you.

No partner no plus 1

Why does this make a difference though? If I was sleeping with a friend then it would be okay to have them as a +1?

I gave my bridesmaid a +1 because she wouldn't have known anyone else at the wedding. I was very tight on numbers but I wanted her to enjoy the day!

I don't get the responses here at all - completely agree with @JackieandWilson.

Not sure why everyone is taking the piss out of there being a difference between a friend and a partner (or that the sex of the partner matters at all?!?). I wouldn’t expect a +1 for a new fling or a shag buddy either - in this context I’d expect ‘partner’ to mean ‘family’ - not necessarily married or even cohabiting depending on circumstances but who would be your emergency contact at work, that level of relationship.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what people on the internet think - your friend hasn’t given you a +1, it’s her wedding, and you have to suck it up buttercup don’t you. Or decline the invitation.

Hope having some people see your side helps you feel better about it all tho!

From all my friends that have got married I don’t know any who have allowed single guests to bring a 1+ . Its not the done thing nowadays.

If you had a partner, yes. They should be invited but the reason she hasn’t given you a +1 is because you don’t.

That said, I understand how you’re feeling. You know no one else and the one person you do know will be there with her husband. A quiet word is needed here to the bride to explain that.

I had the same situation with a now former best friend. She refused to invite my DP to her wedding and I knew no one and was completely bored and fed up by the end. This, coupled with one of her friends arriving with a tinder date as her +1, is why I don’t consider her much of a friend anymore.

Speak to the bride.

I'd just take a friend anyway with me for the trip, and they can amuse themselves for the 1 day and you spend the rest of the time holidaying.
It would be bit churlish for the bride not to then extend an invite to them. I mean the other bridesmaid gets 3 guests! But if they don't, fine, you are only needed for 1 day.

YABU. If you had a partner a +1 invitation would be expected. You don't so why woud bride and groom be happy to pay for a rando to be at their wedding??

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what people on the internet think - your friend hasn’t given you a +1, it’s her wedding, and you have to suck it up buttercup don’t you. Or decline the invitation. Fucking hell. The lives some people must lead.

Surely the whole nature of a +1 is that they're unnamed? If it was Sharon and her husband George who were invited the invitation would read 'Sharon and George'. George is invited. A +1 would be 'Sharon +1', and that's Sharon's choice. I have had several +1 invitations and been the +1 on several other occasions. They're different to inviting a person's partner.

If it was me, and I cared about you enough that I wanted you to be bridesmaid, and I knew that you wouldn't know anyone, I would definitely have offered you a plus one. It wouldn't be of any hardship to me and I would prefer everyone at my wedding felt comfortable and relaxed. You're clearly important to her for you to be invited.

YABU. If you had a partner a +1 invitation would be expected. You don't so why woud bride and groom be happy to pay for a rando to be at their wedding??

What is the difference between a random man I'm sleeping with who they don't know, and a man I'm not sleeping with who they do know? Why is the first instance better?

I mean the other bridesmaid gets 3 guests! I must admit, this does hurt me a bit. I do get it, of course, but it also feels like I'm being punished for not being married or in a relationship, so not worthy of having someone there who would mean I enjoyed myself given all the time and expense it's taking to get there, but if I was in a relationship then I'm worthy enough to bring someone. It feels like being judged for being single.

While since I heard 'droopy drawers' 😄😄

What is the difference between a random man I'm sleeping with who they don't know, and a man I'm not sleeping with who they do know? Why is the first instance better?

Well that's a bit obvious. Their relationship with the you, their importance in your life and therefore the level of attention/consideration your friends and /or family need to give them. I would say a random man you're sleeping with and a man they know who you're not sleeping with should get the same level of invitation. None. For a +1 invitation as part of a small party, i would say it's only appropriate for a long term partner.
Appreciate you might not like the answers that don't suit you, but when you come looking for input, you have to expect that not everyone will agree with you.

'droopy drawers' is making a comeback

I don't think YABU. I wouldn't want a guest at my wedding having a miserable time because they don't know anybody. For my wedding, my friends who didn't know anyone else in the wedding got a plus one.

YABVU.

It would be rude to ask the bride and her husband to pay (a lot) to have someone at their wedding they don't know. It's their wedding, places will be limited and they want to use them on people that matter to them. It is not at all usual to get a random +1 to a wedding, even if it is abroad.

Presumably it is not an enormous wedding, and at weddings abroad you tend to spend more time with people as you are going over for a longer period, and therefore mix more and get to know each other. I got married abroad and friends that didn't know each other are great friends now and meet separately!