To think I should be allowed a +1?

[Whenyourehome]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. My friend is getting married abroad and I'm a bridesmaid. I know one other person going, another bridesmaid, who is invited along with her husband and two children. I have not been given a plus one.

AIBU to think I should have been, considering that it's abroad and the bride will obviously be busy and my other friend will often be busy with her children? I don't have a partner if that changes things.

Why are you spending money? It’s her wedding. Is she not paying your flights/ accommodation/ etc? Seeing as you are in her bridal party? If not bin it off, I hate cheapskates.

Can't you go with your friend to Japan for a week or more and your friend spend one day relaxing/getting spa treatments/ exploring on her own. If she was happy to accompany you in the first place. Personally I'd be more than happy exploring a place like that on my own for one day - id rather that than sit on my own at a wedding as the bridesmaid I was plus one for was off getting ready with the bridal party - sat at the top table while I was with strangers - helping the bride with clothes changes etc. YANBU to be a bit annoyed though. I was in a situation to you recently and dreaded going alone (wasn't actually bridesmaid so sitting around alone a lot more) and I was dreading it. It wasn't too bad in the end but mainly because another friends partner left early.

So the other bridesmaid hasn't even had this baby yet. I wouldn't bank on here even going to the wedding TBH, and wouldn't be at all surprised if she pulls out.

I hope your friend isn't expecting a wedding present on top of you paying to go there. It is a massive ask for your friend to expect you to fork our air fares and hotel costs to go to her wedding.

YABU.
An "abroad" wedding is expensive, but also, people have them so that they can keep numbers limited to "people they actually want to spend time with".
It's entirely likely they already have a good relationship with the other bridesmaids DP and kids, which is why they want them there. Do you have a DP? Does the bride/groom know them well? Or have a friendship with them?

I went to my best friend's foreign wedding in Santorini some years ago. We went for a week. I saw them for 2 days during the week, and for the other 5 I entertained myself quite happily. Just take lots of books. :)

Perhaps you should read all of the OPs posts zingally. Said friend already lives abroad, so it isn't a "destination wedding"

Yabu. You say she knows the friend you would invite but if B and G wanted him/her there they would have been invited in the first place, it's a bit cringe, and puts everyone in an awkward position.

It's very kind, and trusting, when people invite guests to bring a potluck guest to their own wedding, but they do so when they have the space and budget and inclination to do so. Accept that B and G don't and be gracious.

You are being very silly and overdramatic if you think you'll be alone much of the time. No offence but have you been to many weddings? Do you think people move around weddings in twos, kissing and dancing waltzes in pairs on the dacefloor? I can't even think of the last time I was sat beside my husband at the wedding breakfast tbh!

You are being very silly and overdramatic if you think you'll be alone much of the time. No offence but have you been to many weddings? Do you think people move around weddings in twos, kissing and dancing waltzes in pairs on the dacefloor? I can't even think of the last time I was sat beside my husband at the wedding breakfast tbh!

I've said several times that it's not the wedding itself, it's the days around the wedding.

I think I will still invite my friend and go for a week or so, go to the wedding alone while she does whatever she wants, and spend the rest of the time seeing a bit of Japan. It seems a shame not to when I've travelled so far, and I've never been to Asia.

I've been friends with the bride since our university days and she is really lovely, so I'm sure she won't mind that.

I think YANBU and I would’ve let you bring a friend. You’re travelling and spending money and is want you to feel comfortable and get some extra value out of the trip.

YABU - the wedding is not for you. As a brides maid you can expect to be busy! Just saying she has lots of family coming...surely as bridesmaid you are close enough to her to want to spend time with her?

Invite your friend for a weeks holiday but do let the bride know, if she doesn't suggest they come along she is very selfish.
What is one extra meal in comparison to guests paying to travel to Japan.
Some folk are far to precious when it comes to their wedding, you don't literally become a princess on the day.

Understood OP but you're still being daft, I have been to a lot of destination weddings and people have either shared air b n bs or villas. On the one occasion that comes to mind where people tended to share individual rooms we rented a studio apartment and our single friend slept on the sofa bed (we didn't charge). I am mindful of not leaving people out, if your friends are not then don't hand wring just say to them 'can I share with someone'. The only time you'll be alone is when you are sleeping!

P. S. You know your friend and the situation but be prepared for them to decline the invite. If a pal asked me to come on holiday to a wedding but not attend the wedding just so they didn't need to be 'alone' I'd probably think they were being a bit wet and decline. I might go if it was a place I wanted to visit anyway, and if the price and itinerary were to my liking but you're asking someone to spend their money and annual leave in quite a restrictive way that suits your own sideline agenda - that in itself is a bit selfish.

I do think that you should have been allowed a +1. The return flight to Japan must have cost you a few hundred pounds, which is a big outlay. The cost of a meal for a +1 would be nowhere near this amount- the least the B and G could have done is make your trip a bit nicer for you by paying for an extra guest.

YANBU OP. It’s not a destination wedding so is unlikely to have the kind of camaraderie pps (who clearly haven’t read your posts) are referring to.

You’re right, society does dismiss single people in myriad ways, this kind of scenario being one of them. If you had a partner and the bride hadn’t met them, I bet you’d have received a +1 despite cries to the contrary about not wanting to “pay for a random”.

I think it’s worth mentioning to the bride that you have a friend who’s interested in coming along and that you’ll pay for them. As pp said, the bride might invite said friend to the wedding. Or said friend can entertain herself on the day. I’d do it.

You could do a posh thing,and employ a nice bodyguard, like these pop singers and movie people do.

I think you’re reasonable to want a plus 1. I wouldn’t give out plus ones willy nilly to anyone, but if I knew someone was going to be on their own knowing no one at my wedding I’d not want anyone to be uncomfortable for the sake of my wedding! If someone was there single but knew friends, that’d be different. Doesn’t change anything, you can’t exactly ask for a plus one, but i do think it would be thoughtful of the bride to have considered this. Just because someone’s getting married doesn’t mean they need to stop considering others!

I think you take a good book for the times when everyone is busy, and sign up for a Rosetta or similar lanfuage-learning site to learn a smattering of the language of where you are going. Key phrase to memorise the vocabulary for: "I have been learning a little {insert name of language} but I am very bad at it" - you will be able to start conversations with numerous non-english-speakers with this.

Not unless it's a long term partner or they know the partner, no. Weddings are expensive enough without having to pay for additional people just to keep you company. I would also find it very odd having someone I don't know watch me get married, although I appreciate you say your friend knows the couple.

I only invited partners of my guests where they'd been together for some time. I did have a single mate who called me to ask could they brinf a plus one. I asked who as I thought perhaps I didn't know they had a partner and he said 'I don't know, I'll find someone'. I wanted my friends and family there not some random people I didn't know who were just coming for a jolly. And at 75 quid a head there's no way I was paying for someone I didn't know to be there.

I get why you want someone to go with you because it's abroad etc but I'm afraid I'd say no in this instance. You'll have fun I'm sure regardless.

I think your suggestion of inviting a friend to go to Japan to make a holiday of it is a good one.

If this is a wedding in Japan then you probably need to establish from your friend exactly what the proceedings are as they do not take the same format as a UK/typically British wedding.

Once you know what is expected of you time wise you will have a better idea of how much time during the wedding day (and any days either side) you will be required to be doing wedding related things if at all.

If a friend is happy to go with you for a holiday on the understanding that you will be occupied for one day with the wedding and they are happy to do their own thing during that time then I think that makes sense. It doesn't have to involve the bride or the wedding at all.

If this is a wedding in Japan then you need to brush up on local customs and wedding etiquette. Guests do not give gifts, they give money. It has to be in a particular envelope and for a particular amount and it's way beyond what most people would spend on a wedding gift in the UK!

Quite frankly, I would’ve politely declined the bridesmaid position from the get go.

Understood OP but you're still being daft, I have been to a lot of destination weddings and people have either shared air b n bs or villas. On the one occasion that comes to mind where people tended to share individual rooms we rented a studio apartment and our single friend slept on the sofa bed (we didn't charge). I am mindful of not leaving people out, if your friends are not then don't hand wring just say to them 'can I share with someone'. The only time you'll be alone is when you are sleeping! I've already said it isn't a destination wedding.

P. S. You know your friend and the situation but be prepared for them to decline the invite. If a pal asked me to come on holiday to a wedding but not attend the wedding just so they didn't need to be 'alone' I'd probably think they were being a bit wet and decline. I might go if it was a place I wanted to visit anyway, and if the price and itinerary were to my liking but you're asking someone to spend their money and annual leave in quite a restrictive way that suits your own sideline agenda - that in itself is a bit selfish. I've already said that I'd pay for my friend and my friend is willing.

I think you take a good book for the times when everyone is busy, and sign up for a Rosetta or similar lanfuage-learning site to learn a smattering of the language of where you are going. I won't be taking time out of my already very busy life to learn a language I don't want to learn to attend a wedding.

Not unless it's a long term partner or they know the partner, no. Weddings are expensive enough Expensive enough for the guests usually.

Guests do not give gifts, they give money. It has to be in a particular envelope and for a particular amount and it's way beyond what most people would spend on a wedding gift in the UK! I'll be giving her what I'd give any friend in the UK.

YANBU

I think it's a lot to expect you to travel 18 hours to a wedding for 3 plus days where you will know hardly anyone and not offer you a plus one.

Can't believe the harsh replies on here. Another example of single people somehow being 'lesser' than couples. And I say that as someone in a relationship.

I've been to about 20 or so weddings in the last 4 years. None have included peoplr giving unspecified/open plus 1s. I'm amazed OP thinks it's common. You want who you want at your wedding, not randoms. We had a serious discussion with a mate about our own wedding, as we explained we didn't plan to include his GF as we had not met her.

People's partners are usually included because it's typical to socialise with both members of a couple so the bride and groom usually know both well. For a guest wanting to bring a friend, if it's someone bride and groom know well and like, surely they would be invited on their own account. so anyone else is, by default, a random/not someone they wanted to include. Open +1s are just weird imho.

OP are you honestly going to pay a friend's return flights and hotel costs to JAPAN just so you don't have be 'alone' at a good friend's wedding? just so you can make a point and martyr yourself?!

Being single is nothing to be ashamed of and attending social engagements alone from time to time is a very normal thing to do, I think you have issues and you are projecting these on the bride.

It's clear from your latest update you have a massive chip on your shoulder about the whole wedding - can you really not just stop being a sour puss for the sake of your friends wedding or is it that you're looking forward to spending the next 10 months wistfully saying "oh I'd love to but I'm afraid I'm awfully poor atm because I had to pay to fly a friend out to a wedding because I wasn't given a plus one by the bride"?