AIBU to need clarification on this?

[Ninkaninus]

Will hold off for now on saying who I am in this scenario.

What would you take this comment by B to mean:

Going out for a drive on a lovely sunny day with a view to deciding what to do en route.

Person A ‘I’d like to go for a walk round a nice little town and then go have a cup of tea in a pub, like a Sunday roast but not.

Person B ‘Once you’ve seen one town you’ve seen them all.

(For context, person B generally does not like going out and doing stuff, doesn’t like people, doesn’t like noise and crowds, doesn’t like overstimulation, is an introvert)

Would you take person B’s comment to mean, ‘I don’t want to walk round a town and then go to the pub’

Or would you take it to mean the person is just making conversation, it’s a neutral comment, they don’t mind walking around a town and then going to the pub.

B doesn’t want to go for a walk and is being sulky and dismissive.

B should’ve been left at home that day.

Having a cup of tea like a roast but not is wired but I presume it makes sense to you both with a backstory.

Miserable git doesn't want to go.

Person A sounds a bit twee, person B sounds like the cant really be arsed.

Please just explain the full story as this kind of thread is infuriating and yes it is being a drama llama

OP,

If you’re A, clearly you’d take the comment to mean B wasn’t keen on the plan.

If you’re B and you made the comment, intending it to come across as ‘neutral’, rethink your communication style.

Either way just bloody hurry up with the rest of the scenario.

A is ridiculously / laughingly bad at expressing themselves.

B is a misery.

B didn't want to walk round a town. A should get on with spitting out what the actual problem is instead of beating around the bush. In fact, if both were clearer about what they actually meant, there wouldn't be a problem. Say what you mean.

Ok. I guess I can see how it would be annoying.

I am person A.

My OH said that which I took to mean he didn’t want to do it. I reacted emotionally (got momentarily tearful, I had put on a nice dress, earrings, pretty hat, brought out my basket bag, got dressed up a little I guess to enjoy the sunny day and feel pretty/happy).
I react very quickly and after a minute it’s over and i talk myself down. My OH is always completely baffled by my emotional nature and finds it very difficult to understand me.

When he then pulled into a town and went to park I said I didn’t want to drag him around for a walk if he didn’t want to do it, we could go somewhere else (I enjoy walking in general, in the countryside as well. He then got angry with me and in response I got angry with him. It was a stupid petty spat but it turned into a huge argument.

I’m shaken up because this has made me realise that we are so fundamentally different in how we communicate and in what sort of people we are, that I don’t think we will ever work long term. We’ve been together for ages and I love him to bits but we have been arguing more lately and I don’t want to argue. I’ve realised that I hear something completely different to what he is saying, and our arguments always start this way. Essentially they are my fault because it’s always me who has the first emotional reaction, and it’s also me who gets the most angry.

I’m also shaken up because he said (and has said in the past) that he thinks I may have ASD, and I’ve always agreed with him that I could be - I’m extremely literal about things, am quite obsessive in nature and also suffer badly with anxiety and have a hard time with processing. But this is the first time it’s hit me that actually maybe I really am more difficult to be around than I thought.

I’m just sad. I probably shouldn’t have posted it but I just couldn’t believe that it was that unusual to interpret his comment that way.

(The cup of tea thing is very normal for me - I make funny associations like that, they seem normal to me but are utterly baffling to others)

I said what I meant, and he understood it perfectly, he knows me well.

I said I wanted to go for a walk and go to the pub.

Hate these threads "I'll tell you more when enough people are frothing about me being shaken up"... nah. You might as well post on Facebook then reply "I'll inbox you hun" to everyone who comments.

Oh ffs my grammar and punctuation has gone to absolute shit. I’m way more upset than I thought.

Oh good god

X post.

He just made a comment that one town is like another town. I don't think you needed to take it so personally.

You got tearful over him not wanting to do what you did
What a massive controlling drama.
Get over yourself

It was not unreasonable to interpret that your OH did not fancy your plan.

It was over the top to get so upset about it.

Why didn’t you just say “What do you fancy doing instead?”

If you’d got all dressed up with a rigid idea in your head of how the afternoon would go, but your OH genuinely thought you were ‘going with the flow’ as per your OP (in the car with no fixed plans), then it’s nit really fair that you got so upset when he expressed a lack of enthusiasm. Set firm plans before you go out instead, then everyone knows where they stand.

Sounds like two people it would be extremely infuriating to have a conversation with or plan anything with.

"Would you like to maybe not do anything later or not?"

"I was thinking we could go near a place that's partially like something it isn't"

"Oh yes definitely not"

I think you over reacted. But I would have taken his response to mean he didn’t want to go.

You cried because he said once you've seen one town, you've seen them all?maybe you should split with him, he'd be well rid.

If you had posted your full explanation at the outset you would have had a far more supportive response.

You OH is not emotionally attuned to you. That doesn’t make him bad. But he obviously isn’t meeting your emotional needs. If you have been together a long time and love each other then maybe some couples counselling would work for you.

I like the way you describe what you were wearing. Wanting a nice day out in the sunshine is a very normal thing to wish for and you were not at all unreasonable in that. Your reaction was a bit over the top but probably comes about after many such disappointments and frustrations. I hope your day gets better.

You said you wanted to really around a town then go to the pub (for a cup of tea, food whatever), he made a comment about all towns being the same, slightly grouchy, but having been on too many family holidays where this is what DM always wants to do, I kind of agree. BUT instead of saying what do you suggest then, or yeah they can be but do you want to do that today, you cried! Massively escalated the situation.

No, I got momentarily tearful, it’s not crying. It’s an emotional reaction, I can’t help it really. It’s not long or overwrought, just literally a moment. But then he won’t let it go.

He’s being obtuse

I would have read his comment as ‘I don’t want to go’ ‘if you want to do that go yourself’ -I’m staying in to watch the cricket-

When he then pulled into a town and went to park I said I didn’t want to drag him around for a walk if he didn’t want to do it, we could go somewhere else (I enjoy walking in general, in the countryside as well. He then got angry with me

Your mistake was to wait until he’d driven somewhere (to please you) and gone to park and THEN told him it was OK to change plans.

My DH would get the arse about that too. Once you’ve arrived and parked it’s annoying to turn around and go somewhere else - even worse, an unspecified somewhere else that you hadn’t thought of yet.

Is it the ASD comment and the thought he may be right, the actual thing that has upset you, OP. Are you concerned that you may have it?

I'm imagining you with a pretty handkerchief dabbing at your eyes when he said once you've seen one town you've seen them all.

This just all sounds so... ridiculous... among other things.

You need to work on your emotional resilience, that's not a normal response.