to think this was a really shitty thing to do?

[reallyveryupset]

I am from another country and haven't seen anyone in my family for about 5 years. I knew one of my sisters was going on her travels to a few European countries but just found out that she is in London for 2 days as a stopover. She hadn't told me.

I messaged her and asked if she was in London and she said it was a last-minute plan to do the stopover and she didn't want to make it difficult for me to come down on the train (only a few hrs away). She then said "if it's not too last minute, is there any way you could come for a quick coffee? I know its a stretch". I thought about it and, even though I suppose it's cutting my nose off to spite my face, Its a bit much for me at this late stage. he leaves Sunday evening. If she had given me a week's notice even, I could have come just for 20 minutes and then pottered around London for the day. Then there would also be the feeling that she "was caught out" and just didn't want me to even know she was here and obviously didn't want to see me.
I am looking at all sorts of pictures of her catching up with all of her friends in London,
I probably should have gone, but I am so upset at this. AIBU to think that was a real shitty thing to do?

Yes, sounds like it :( What's your relationship like generally?

The relationship is fine, never argues or fallen out. There are quite a few of us. Contact is via social media as we arent really phone people. I am a bit older than her though.

Well I suppose the relationship isn't fine for her to do that now I think of it.

is there something significant about her visiting London specifically? You live a few hours away on the train, maybe she thought that was too far to ask you to travel or thought it was further than it is?

I mean, you do feel it's too far in these particular circumstances. Some people don't have a clue that other people need notice to travel!

I think she probably just thought it was too much of an ask. I wouldn't be able to get worked up about it. Perhaps you could just message her and say you would have liked to see her and if she comes again you'll definitely make the effort.

Where are you from OP? Just thinking it must be quite a way if you haven’t been back for 5 years and your family haven’t visited you here.
Anyway, yes quite shitty behaviour.

Australia

Yes it's a bit shit but she probably didn't want to inconvenience you.

Ah yes. It seems a bit odd she wouldn't mention she was going to be in the country then.

I'd be very hurt tbh

The only reason I found out was because her Husband posted on facebook, "goodbye (place they were), Hello London". With a stream of London based friends posting "cant wait to see you both".

So she has time to meet her friends in London but not her sister?

I would be so hurt and upset too💐

She probably had made lots of plans for things she wanted to do and felt rude telling you she could only squeeze you in for 20 minutes.

It was only a flying visit and meeting up would have taken a big chunk of the time she had to spend in London.

I've visited my grandparents' home country and have lots of relatives there I could have met up with, I deliberately didn't tell anyone I was going. Selfish? Yes probably, but I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you.

When you found out she was traveling to Europe did you suggest meeting up? If not she might've thought the ball was in your court, so to speak?

She probably had made lots of plans for things she wanted to do and felt rude telling you she could only squeeze you in for 20 minutes.
It was only a flying visit and meeting up would have taken a big chunk of the time she had to spend in London

While I agree with this, I am the only one in my family living in UK while everyone else is in Australia. I am her only relative here. And a sister rather than a random "relly".

@popehilarious to be honest, it was Morocco they were mostly visiting and I didn't want to interfere with their itinerary there. Maybe I should have, you are right.

And a sister rather than a random "relly".

Yes very true and I understand why you are upset.

Anyway, I am sorry for venting. I have no-one here to talk about it with.

Yeah, if it was Morocco i wouldn't have thought to meet there either!
Are they usually last-minute types as opposed to planners?

The Morocco trip has been planned for months so I can only assume the whole lot was. :(

What a ignorant twat your Sister is.. She's just proved she really wasn't interested in meeting up with you.. Sorry OP

No, you vent away, OP! I would have been dismayed under the circs.

When our rellies come over, they come to stay, sometimes for months, so is famine better than feast?

She only had time for a coffee with you?

Yeah, you have every reason to be upset.

You've every right to feel hurt OP and you're right, it is a shitty thing to do. And to then ask you to travel a few hours on a train for a 20 minute coffee is an absolute pisstake. Why couldn't you have just stayed out with her and her friends instead of being a 20 min stopgap? Obviously I don't know your family dynamics but that would be unthinkable in mine.