School always calls me first to collect DS

[Xraydog]

This is despite the fact that 90% of the time its DH who drops him off and pick him up. The secretary is well aware that it is DH who does most of the school stuff as DH is on the PTA. DH's work is just a little bit more flexible than mine and he works fewer hours. It's a small school.

DS is 10yo and they don't need to call often but it's always me they call.

I mentioned to DH that I considered this to be an unconscious bias that perhaps should be raised with them. DH says I'm being ridiculous and that legally I'm more important as a parent so they are obliged to call me first.

I have asked school to call DH as I can't make it a couple of times but mainly I do drop everything and go and collect DS.

AIBU to think that the school is demonstrating an unconscious or even conscious bias in assuming that the mother is more likely to be able to come and collect the child early?

Who is the first emergency contact? That's who we call first if we need to phone home.

Is your number down first on the list?
Our list is in priority order.
Refresh your i list and put dh at the top!

Whose name is first on the contact list? Ours ask for people to be out in contact preference order. So if they are ignoring number one being dh and calling you, yanbu. But if you've put your details first, yabu as they're only going by the order they've got.

Surely it comes down to who's named as first contact?

That's how it works at my DDs school. I think you're being over sensitive and looking for faults that aren't necessarily there.

I think that should read "when the school do call me I am often able to drop everything but I have occasionally had to ask them to call DH instead". For clarity I have not officially asked to school to contact DH as a priority over me.

Massive cross post there 😆

You are down as the first number of contact. Simple as .

School rang dh every single time because I wrote on the contact form that’s what we wanted.

Well you need to make sure dh is number one priority contact. You are then contacted if they cannot reach him. It really is often as simple as making sure the correct details are first when you fill in the form.

Depends who is first on the list

They will call whoever is listed as Main Contact.

When they call, ask them to call your dh. Or, you can call your dh.

I think the form asked for "mother name and contact details" "Fathers name and contact details" so yes I'm at the top of the list but not in priority order.

Are you down on his form as primary contact? Most schools I've worked in have a paper or electronic form with a space for a primary carer-type contact and then additional contacts. As a teacher, if I needed to get in touch with a child's adult, I'd call the primary carer number first. It wouldn't matter who does the dropping off or collecting.

Every school I've worked at has a list of contacts in priority order, using information supplied by the parents. At some point you'll have filled in that form and put your name at the top.

Simply email or call and ask for the priority order to be changed.

What PPs are saying. Why would the school assume that because you are the mother you would be at home, when they likely see all sorts of home setups. Stop seeint problems where there are none, you're obviously at the top of the list. Just tell them you want to be the secondary emergency contact.

Whose name Is first on the contact list / who to contact in an emergency list that you gave to the school ? If you don’t want to be contacted, then write to to the school with clear instructions of what you want so they can update their systems.

Are you saying above that on a few occasions you’ve been contacted and you’ve told them to contact your DH - if so, you’re wasting their time - they’ve made the call/they’ve contacted a parent.

How do you know that they didn’t phone him first but number wouldn’t connect/phone switched off/not answered, etc.

Who is first as emergency contact? That’s where they go to first, all schools do the same. Hence it was always dp as I worked nation wide then we had it changed around as I was local and dp country wide.

Did they actually ask 'mother' and 'father' as contacts? I'd be surprised in this day and age.

You usually have to put your status in the 'relationship to child' box.

I'll just contact them and ask for DH's number to be at the top of the list.

Easily solved ... ask the school to put dh as main contact

There's nothing else at play here, no bias etc

DH says I'm being ridiculous and that legally I'm more important as a parent so they are obliged to call me first.

???

Emergency contact on every form I’ve seen in every school, and I’ve worked in a lot, mother and father details are superstar to emergency contact- because in lots of families mum or dad can’t do pick up, it’s grandparents, nannies, next door neighbour, aunt, uncle, family friend and so on.

So the form asked for mothers details and then fathers details? Can you not ask for a noteti be added to try him first?

virgin I'm not sure, no. Its several years since I filled out the contact info. It probably put "Guardian". I don't think there was an implied priority to the list though just contact details.