School always calls me first to collect DS

[Xraydog]

This is despite the fact that 90% of the time its DH who drops him off and pick him up. The secretary is well aware that it is DH who does most of the school stuff as DH is on the PTA. DH's work is just a little bit more flexible than mine and he works fewer hours. It's a small school.

DS is 10yo and they don't need to call often but it's always me they call.

I mentioned to DH that I considered this to be an unconscious bias that perhaps should be raised with them. DH says I'm being ridiculous and that legally I'm more important as a parent so they are obliged to call me first.

I have asked school to call DH as I can't make it a couple of times but mainly I do drop everything and go and collect DS.

AIBU to think that the school is demonstrating an unconscious or even conscious bias in assuming that the mother is more likely to be able to come and collect the child early?

My god I can relate OP. Me and hubby are both tenants on rental agreement. I'm the head tenant, I pay rent from my account to his. Who does he call when there is an annual boiler check? .... My hubby works nights so sleeps most of the day, so I end up getting messages from landlord, from hubby later than expected. Grinds my gears.

Well if you haven't specifically asked the school to contact dp instead of you as a priority, then why are you complaining that you are contacted first?

For clarity I have not officially asked to school to contact DH as a priority over me.

Most schools us SIMS as information management system and this does assign priorities to contact details. We actually have a child where grandmother is priority 1 (as she doesn’t work and lives almost next door to the school), Dad is priority 2, then an uncle before we get to Mum who is low down the list because she works away a lot.

All you have to do is tell the school how you want priority assigned, simple.

Sorry, SIMS is a student information management system - basically a giant database with all the information about kids, including contact details, assessment data and so on. Almost all state schools use it, not least because it means you can easily transfer a pupil's record electronically to another school when a pupil moves. It's possible your school also has a separate contact sheet for each pupil, but that seems like a lot of work? Or maybe they do use a different system, but it seems odd that it wouldn't have a priority indicator. And sorry, I forgot you mentioned the school size. Small schools do tend to be less hot on these things (because they know their individual families so well), but they're generally tightening up.

Leaserspotted, because there is no priority order to the contacts between DH and I and it shows a distinct bias that the one always contacted is me. It is a very small school, DH knows the staff well and does most of the drop offs and collections it would be more logical for them to contact him.
This sort of ingrained sexism should be challenged. I agree that in the grand scheme of things it’s a small thing and really it isn’t an issue as long as DS is being well cared for. But I do think it’s important the people at least acknowledge that their behaviour shows bias

Did you ask them to swap you around, so he is '1' and you are '2'? I know you're saying there is no priority order but it could make a difference.

Might your DS give your name as an indication of preference, rather than expectation? To see what happens?

DS nursery and old nursery only ever contact me too (emails, texts, newsletters). Their forms asked for mothers and fathers details too so no primary contact noted.
It is everyday sexism and it used to annoy me but I just don't bother about it anymore. I can't change it.