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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not wear a baby on board badge

146 replies

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 20:38

I know I'm not being unreasonable but people are doing my head in about this.

Live in London, made it through one pregnancy without needing a badge to tell people about it. Very grateful that I didn't suffer too much beyond a bad back and hips and never had a problem asking if I needed a seat which wasn't often.

Pregnant again and colleagues and friends keep asking me where's my badge, will I get a badge, telling me I should have one in my bag just in case (in case what, I lose my voice and ability to communicate?) and one colleague in particular getting a bit het up saying I don't want to get bumped. Unless someone pushes me under a train or down an escalator I'm sure me and baby will be fine!!

I have an irrational hatred of the bloody badges anyway as just see too many women passive aggressively staring/sighing at people or getting upset when no-one immediately jumps up to offer them a seat - despite not actually asking for one - and they feel really entitled to me. Obviously that's my personal opinion and I'd never say that to anyone in real life, don't really give a crap if someone wants to wear one, and of course totally recognise that many will suffer greatly during pregnancy with a whole host of unpleasant symptoms, aches, pains etc and have differing levels of confidence / different types of commute.

I'm just sick of people bloody going on about it!!! Possibly I am being unreasonable in how riled this has got me and I guess it's better than the usual 'was it planned' question and weird bump-touching that I remember from last time

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 13/09/2019 20:41

Of course YANBU.

The badges are a prop for those who want one. Not a requirement.

Your colleagues a weird.

Vulpine · 13/09/2019 20:41

I agree they're naff and unnecessary , especially when youre showing. I just used to ask people for a seat if i wanted one.

Ohflippineck · 13/09/2019 20:43

What are they? I thought you meant a car sticker but you mean an actual badge? When did that become a thing?

CloudRusting · 13/09/2019 20:45

Don’t wear one of you don’t want to and how delightful for you you think unnecessary but don’t judge people who do find them useful.

FrauHaribo · 13/09/2019 20:48

YANBU

When I needed a seat, I asked if no one was offering. No need for these stupid badges. Pregnancy in itself doesn't mean you have more right than anyone else - the fit looking young man sitting in front of you might be unable to stand for a very good reason.

Original poster

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 20:49

@CloudRusting genuinely no judgement of people who find them useful - I recognise my feelings are a subjective and a bit irrational! I think one colleague too many made a comment today at the end of a long week...

OP posts:

Original poster

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 20:50

I also know I've been VERY LUCKY not to have suffered unduly. Really.

Irrational feelings persist however...

OP posts:

Userzzzzz · 13/09/2019 20:58

If you don’t want to wear it don’t but I found people were far nicer to me when I had it on so I sort of think you’re making your life harder for a point of principle. I hated commuting while pregnant especially in the early stages. I am also rhesus negative so a big shove to the stomach would have had me needing to go in for anti-d.

SquirmOfEels · 13/09/2019 21:02

"When did that become a thing?"

It's a specific TfL badge for use on London public transport. They were launched in 2005

Original poster

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 21:05

@Userzzzzz great example of the unreasonableness of my thinking, where a badge really can come in useful. I'm lucky not to have that problem/risk.

Generally speaking I don't tend to find any commuters particularly non-nice though - at worst they're mostly indifferent - and those that are wouldn't be deterred by a badge. But that's my experience and not the same as others'! Worst I've had is verbal abuse since I started commuting 15 years ago

OP posts:

DappledThings · 13/09/2019 21:09

I never wore one and I similarly hate them. They do seem to make people really passive aggressive. So you're meant to clock the badge and move absolving the woman of any responsibility for just using her own voice.

People telling you you have to wear the bloody badge is just another example of how you become public property when you're pregnant and aren't meant to make your own decisions.

Upanddownandroundagain · 13/09/2019 21:09

You’re talking about people who are in pain, too shy to ask for a seat or proud of their pregnancy. None of those things are anything to sneer at. Just because you were lucky, not everyone is. And my second pregnancy was significantly worse, so don’t count your blessings yet.

DappledThings · 13/09/2019 21:13

too shy to ask for a seat

I also worry that people who are too shy to just politely ask for a seat are going to struggle enormously with advocating for themselves about all the decisions you have to make during pregnancy and labour.

Original poster

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 21:13

@Upanddownandroundagain I acknowledged all of that in my op. Very aware that they are useful for many! And I know I can't possibly know what someone else is going through but I've witnessed so much passive aggressive behaviour that personally I don't want to associate myself with being a badge wearer. I was just trying to point out my (admittedly flawed and irrational) reasons for not wearing one personally. I know lots of women who are or have been pregnant who've just worn them because it's the done thing, and I think that's where my friends/colleagues are coming from. As I say - no judgement or sneering, definitely know I'm privileged not to have felt I've needed one. Although so far I've got pretty awful sciatica and nausea has been a bitch second time round so wouldn't say it's been easier - but I'm more than happy to ask for a seat if I want one!

OP posts:

Ivyleaf4 · 13/09/2019 21:14

I wasn't sure how to vote because although YANBU at all not to wear the badge, you do sound a bit judgey about women who wear them.

I'm pregnant right now, but as a non-pregnant commuter I also like them as they avoid that awkward "is she or isn't she?" awkwardness when deciding whether or not you should offer your seat!

GlassCeilings · 13/09/2019 21:14

You sound pretty judgemental OP. I am also rhesus negative and had to have extra anti-d injections (a blood product with risks attached) a few times both pregnancies because of incidents. People can be very rough on the tube. I found it helpful both times. Plus I had severe SPD and worked till I was full term so needed some allowances. I didn’t show very much until the end. It meant people offered me a seat rather than me having to awkwardly harangue them. Also it’s better if someone offers, as by asking, you may actually be asking someone with a disability.
Also why even post about this? Sounds like you feel superior to women who need these badges. This weird competitive “look how tough I am in pregnancy” needs to stop and women need to stop beating each other down.

Tippety · 13/09/2019 21:15

Just tell them you don't feel you need one, or if you're bored of them going on about it just say you'll get one if you feel you need one. I kept one in my bag, but only used it on days when it was super busy or I was feeling poorly.

GlassCeilings · 13/09/2019 21:18

Also you really can’t say you are not being judgemental here. There is so much in your OP that paints a very judgemental picture. Be honest with yourself.

Original poster

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 21:18

@GlassCeilings yep, fair enough - I get that I've come over judgey. I hate people thinking I'm in any way not able to do things for myself and I think it's probably linked to that - I know I can be unreasonably stubborn. But I also don't apply the same standards to other people as I know I'm a bit ridiculous! I think the irrational rage got to me a bit today

OP posts:

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 13/09/2019 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 21:22

@Ivyleaf4 that's where my boss comes from - he hates not knowing for sure whether to offer someone a seat. I guess I just feel like if you need a seat you ask, and while someone may be pregnant someone else will have an invisible pain/discomfort/disability and no-one is worried about whether or not they should know whether to offer them a seat! I think it's just the sense that pregnancy trumps everything else that irks me, and I personally don't like to be seen as someone in need of other people's sympathy or help when I don't need it (again, being in the privileged position of not needing it). If we were all just a bit more considerate badges wouldn't be needed!

OP posts:

Original poster

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 21:23

Just to reiterate as my op was probably overly ranty - I acknowledge the badges are useful and indeed necessary for some women. I just don't want to wear one and feel like my reasons are valid, if you take out the bits where I come across as a judgemental twat

OP posts:

Noodledoodledoo · 13/09/2019 21:24

I didn't commute but I had one as we went to a lot of concerts during my pregnancy (banking them up before it became more tricky to juggle!) I would only generally put it on on the tube for the return journey when space was tight!

Only really useful once when I had another traveler who had a seat mouthing of towards me about the fact I should let her daughter who was also pregnant have a seat - I zipped up my jacket so badge became obvious, soon shut her up. Never did get why she couldn't give up her seat!

I also never really showed as I just turned into a blimp - I didn't really have a bump!

Noodledoodledoo · 13/09/2019 21:25

I tended to use it not to get a seat but just warn the people around me to give me a little more space if possible.

Samosaurus · 13/09/2019 21:26

You have some very odd colleagues. I never once had anyone even mention these badges to me (although I did wear one at times). Wonder why they are so fixated on you wearing them?

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