To not wear a baby on board badge

[mangobutter]

I know I'm not being unreasonable but people are doing my head in about this.

Live in London, made it through one pregnancy without needing a badge to tell people about it. Very grateful that I didn't suffer too much beyond a bad back and hips and never had a problem asking if I needed a seat which wasn't often.

Pregnant again and colleagues and friends keep asking me where's my badge, will I get a badge, telling me I should have one in my bag just in case (in case what, I lose my voice and ability to communicate?) and one colleague in particular getting a bit het up saying I don't want to get bumped. Unless someone pushes me under a train or down an escalator I'm sure me and baby will be fine!!

I have an irrational hatred of the bloody badges anyway as just see too many women passive aggressively staring/sighing at people or getting upset when no-one immediately jumps up to offer them a seat - despite not actually asking for one - and they feel really entitled to me. Obviously that's my personal opinion and I'd never say that to anyone in real life, don't really give a crap if someone wants to wear one, and of course totally recognise that many will suffer greatly during pregnancy with a whole host of unpleasant symptoms, aches, pains etc and have differing levels of confidence / different types of commute.

I'm just sick of people bloody going on about it!!! Possibly I am being unreasonable in how riled this has got me and I guess it's better than the usual 'was it planned' question and weird bump-touching that I remember from last time

I found people were nicer to me once I started wearing a badge, and I was offered seats without having to ask. I didn't show very much so I'm sure most people didn't notice or weren't sure if I was just fat. Also if you're in a crowd it's not even possible to see a bump, so a badge means people know to take more care.

However, if you don't want to wear one don't! It is the norm to wear one on London so your colleagues are hardly bring unreasonable expecting you to, but obviously you have your own free will.

Is it not more passive aggressive to ignore a system most commuters are very familiar with just because you don’t like it!?

There is absolutely nothing passive-aggressive about deciding not to wear a badge. It might be P-A to ignore other people wearing one, but that's irrelevant to this thread.

I also like them as they avoid that awkward "is she or isn't she?" awkwardness when deciding whether or not you should offer your seat!

This ^^

Women -pregnant or not- of all shapes and sizes wearing different styles of clothing.

I wore one in the early days of my last pregnancy before it was bloomin' obvious that I was pregnant, and I'm doing the same again now. I'm a big girl anyway, so for the first half of pregnancy I get a lot of people looking up and you can tell it's that awkward pregnant/fat decision. I don't ask for a seat as most of the time I'm ok to stand but on a day when the train is packed or if I'm feeling rotten it's useful to have.

Also, as with a PP I'm rhesus negative and would like to avoid another painful anti-D shot (god they hurt!) so the badge is helpful too in alerting people that I need space, not just on the train but on the stairs etc.

This thread has been really enlightening. I’ve always seen those badges as an extension of the car ‘baby on board’ things and thought they were a bit cheesy and self indulgent.

Some of the posters in here have shown me that they are genuinely useful in some cases, so I have changed my opinion.
Blimey, it’s not even 8am and I’ve been educated.

I had one because I got on very busy trains in the morning but I always asked for a seat if I needed one. The badge was just there to reinforce what I was saying. I asked before I was even showing as, on one ocassion, I nearly collapsed on a really hot train when I had to stand all the way from Kent to London.

If I didn't need a seat cos it was a very short journey, I would just take off the badge or cover it with a scarf.

You don't have to get one if you don't want to but you do sound a bit judgy of women who wear them.

Also I think they help Londoners separate out the fat women from the pregnant women....

So Dappled will you still judge people wearing the badge after reading on here about women wearing them as they are rhesus negative and it might help them not get bumped (excuse the pun). Or do you expect them to use their voice and walk through the tube going ‘pregnant lady coming through’

I would think it really naive that anyone would expect to be bumped less because they are wearing a badge certainly.

Nobody needs to announce "Pregnant lady coming through". Not sure what anyone can do who needs to avoid being bumped as much as possible other than using a bag defensively and trying to avoid rush hour.

I'm not in the habit of bumping into anyone if I can help it (except people who ignore the request to allow others off the train first and push on). I can't honestly see that any significant percentage of commuters are going to see a badge and think about giving someone more space because of it.

It's up to you but I find them really helpful prompts. Like most commuters I tend to.zone out a bit (plus I'm short-sighted and take my glasses off to read my phone) so seeing the Baby on Board or Please Offer me a Seat badges is a prompt to action. Offering a seat to someone who refuses to take it is rather embarrassing! By the way, you can just apply for the badges. You don't have to supply evidence. I ordered one earlier this year after some leg surgery, although in the end I didn't need to use it.

Being strong and independent isn't somehow negated by needing to sit down when you're pregnant...

If that happens to be someone wearing the badge I will do it just with an internal eye roll judging their apparent inability to just ask and consider them to be PA.

This is so ridiculous. I wear the badge when pregnant. I like them when not pregnant as they avoid the pregnant/fat conundrum. I have literally never in my life stared at someone pointedly in a silent message to them to offer their seat. I seriously don't get how I am being PA, it sounds like you just enjoy being judgey.

I am a pregnant white middle class 30 year old woman though so according to this thread I'm already being judged just for that!

This is so ridiculous ..... it sounds like you just enjoy being judgey

Of course, doesn't everyone? . I've learnt from here that apparently I've been regularly judged for going out with wet hair, breastfeeding in public, having a backpack for a change bag. I'm sure there's plenty more I'm judged for. Such is life.

YABU in your contradiction that you don’t care if people wear them but also care that people who wear them are passive aggressive.

If you don’t wear a badge how do you ask for a seat? Say loudly if anyone would give up a seat or ask someone directly?

"Excuse me, would anyone mind giving me a seat?". In a normal voice. It's pretty straightforward.

I rarely had to ask, turned down offers more than I asked and you don't have to give a reason. I've asked for a seat when I was just massively hungover and felt really queasy.

Interesting discussion, thank you all!

To PPS who've said it's would be passive aggressive to get pissy when not being offered a seat despite not wearing a badge, of course I agree with that - I would never expect anyone to offer me their seat full stop, unless I directly asked because I was in need due to feeling ill etc.

I've already acknowledged several times that I'm being judgy here, but also that it's purely my personal, irrational opinion and not something that would ever cloud my opinion of another person as I know we're all different. Everyone I know in London has worn a badge while pregnant - it's none of my business and doesn't bother me. This is just an anonymous rant about me being pestered by one too many people about wearing one myself when I don't need to

However, I stand by my feeling like it still smacks of pregnancy trumping anyone else's needs. I understand the badges are a useful visual prompt but frankly I'm always looking around at my fellow commuters to see who might need a seat more than me (on the rare occasion I get one), and regularly offer seats to men, women and children of all ages regardless of whether or not they're wearing a badge. I just feel if we were all a little less self concerned we wouldn't need badges as people would be looking out for each other as a matter of course and not just because they happen to have seen a badge. Yes, there are the blue badges now for people with hidden disabilities but I very rarely see them and doubt the majority of people who may need them will even be aware they exist at present. Maybe that will change in the future but none of us should be scared to ask for help when we need it, for any reason!

I cannot believe some of the horrible opinions on this thread

@mangobutter you don’t need to “apply” for a badge, just fill out a form on the TFL website. No proof of pregnancy needed.

I just feel if we were all a little less self concerned we wouldn't need badges as people would be looking out for each other as a matter of course and not just because they happen to have seen a badge

This as well. I've long thought that we should do away with priority seats as well. They just absolve everyone in other seats of thinking they ought to offer it to someone who needs it too. All seats should be priority seats not just a few designated ones.

This is fascinating and hilarious! The people in that there London are given badges to wear when pregnant 😂 is this actually a thing?!

Priority seats are often positioned in a more convenient place. By having them it results in those needing them sitting in the best place for them, rather than somewhere awkward because it so happens that person gave up their seat.

The people in that there London are given badges to wear when pregnant 😂 is this actually a thing?!

Indeed it is. With a twee exclamation mark for added value. Although you're not given it exactly, you have to ask. They don't give them out at midwife appointments

I think the badges are fine, especially if not obviously pregnant.

I probably wouldn’t notice if anyone was wearing one of these badges. So many people wear badges or ID tags of some kind that they sort of become invisible, to me at least.

"I have an irrational hatred of the bloody badges anyway as just see too many women passive aggressively staring/sighing at people or getting upset when no-one immediately jumps up to offer them a seat - despite not actually asking for one - and they feel really entitled to me."

I've seen people pretending to be asleep in the priority seats. As a relatively shy person, I really don't want to ask loads of different people for a seat.

And I think it's beyond rude of people to not pay a bit of attention to who else is getting on, especially if they're in the priority seats.

As women, I wish we could support other women instead of looking for every opportunity to judge their behaviour and accuse them of 'passively aggressively staring/sighing' (very likely just trying not to puke/pass out).

Thank you - it is indeed a twee exclamation mark! It’s quite cute I suppose but think I’d feel a bit silly wearing one!

"Being pregnant didn't give me a divine right to a seat if I felt fine."

So in that case, don't wear the badge.

I have one because I feel dizzy if I don't sit down.