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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wear a baby on board badge

146 replies

mangobutter · 13/09/2019 20:38

I know I'm not being unreasonable but people are doing my head in about this.

Live in London, made it through one pregnancy without needing a badge to tell people about it. Very grateful that I didn't suffer too much beyond a bad back and hips and never had a problem asking if I needed a seat which wasn't often.

Pregnant again and colleagues and friends keep asking me where's my badge, will I get a badge, telling me I should have one in my bag just in case (in case what, I lose my voice and ability to communicate?) and one colleague in particular getting a bit het up saying I don't want to get bumped. Unless someone pushes me under a train or down an escalator I'm sure me and baby will be fine!!

I have an irrational hatred of the bloody badges anyway as just see too many women passive aggressively staring/sighing at people or getting upset when no-one immediately jumps up to offer them a seat - despite not actually asking for one - and they feel really entitled to me. Obviously that's my personal opinion and I'd never say that to anyone in real life, don't really give a crap if someone wants to wear one, and of course totally recognise that many will suffer greatly during pregnancy with a whole host of unpleasant symptoms, aches, pains etc and have differing levels of confidence / different types of commute.

I'm just sick of people bloody going on about it!!! Possibly I am being unreasonable in how riled this has got me and I guess it's better than the usual 'was it planned' question and weird bump-touching that I remember from last time Grin

OP posts:
Userzzzzz · 13/09/2019 21:28

The other bonus of the badge was the cleaners always let me in to the toilets for free. Yes I could have asked but it was nice to not have to.

Ultimately most people won’t judge you whatever you do. If you manage fine without then crack on. But, being pregnant while having another small child is bloody knackering and you just need to do what makes your life easier (whether that is retaining a sense of control by not wearing it or just wearing it).

EmmiJay · 13/09/2019 21:28

I loved my badge. If I could have worn a jacket covered in them I would have.🙂 What I loved was that men turned into gentlemen helping me off the bus or giving me their seats or taking a step back on a crowded train. Wonderful!

EmmiJay · 13/09/2019 21:29

However, if you don't want to wear it then don't. No skin off anyones nose really.

Stinkycatbreath · 13/09/2019 21:29

Hate the whole badge thing. Its like this people who drop hints and dont get to the point of what they actually want. Just bloody speak.

GlassCeilings · 13/09/2019 21:32

I think some people need them, some dont. I remember once forgetting my badge and being in the third trimester exhausted, severe SPD, carrying an enormous backpack full of work stuff (don’t ask), whilst on crutches! I looked pregnant by then. I asked people for their seats and they declined! Someone even told me their bag was sitting on a seat so I couldn’t have it. I was too livid, shocked and exhausted to persist! Luckily a lovely person finally gave me a seat.
But when I had the badge, people just did it automatically. I stuck one on my backpack too so people wouldn’t barge and push me from behind. Rush hour on the tube is hideous. Much fairer and less stressful with a badge. I really don’t see the problem.
Anyway you do sound a bit stressed, hope you get to relax OP. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

FrauHaribo · 13/09/2019 21:33

Interesting that you say "men".

It's something I found amazing, I never see women offering other women a seat - it's always men who are polite and pleasant. The other day, it's 2 teenagers who offered me a seat, lovely of them but they made me feel so old Grin

Why don't I ever see a woman? Puzzling.

Basketofkittens · 13/09/2019 21:35

DappledThings - maybe shy people shouldn’t have babies or get married or leave the house? Hmm

I find it odd when people say they hate the badges. Don’t wear one then. Let other people do what they want.

Passthecherrycoke · 13/09/2019 21:36

Most people don’t wear them surely?

RancidOldHag · 13/09/2019 21:37

someone else will have an invisible pain/discomfort/disability and no-one is worried about whether or not they should know whether to offer them a seat!

That's why TfL recently launched the 'please offer me a seat' badge. A main benefit being the 'permission' it gives someone to ask.

There is also a charity which provides 'Cancer on Board' badges

DappledThings · 13/09/2019 21:38

maybe shy people shouldn’t have babies or get married or leave the house

Funny.

But I do think it might be a good time to practice a bit of polite assertiveness so it isn't too scary to not be shy when you are told you "have" to have a sweep or an induction or to lie on your back or whatever.

breadwidow · 13/09/2019 21:38

I feel pretty much exactly the same as you OP. It's irrational as hell but I just don't like those badges! I did have 2 fairly easy pregnancies tho, especially 2nd time round when I confined commuting to work by bike til 38 weeks. I remember standing on a train when 30+ weeks for over an hour during my first pregnancy and one of those badges could have helped but to be honest I should have just asked someone for a seat!!!

But I've learnt something from this thread - I am rhesus negative and I never knew an incident when pregnant would have resulted in me having to have extra anti d.

Crunchymum · 13/09/2019 21:40

Why are your colleagues so bothered OP?

Or do you mean one colleague mentioned it in passing and you've decided to make a rather embellished thread to make your point?

I've had 3 pregnancies in central London without a badge by the way.

pepperup · 13/09/2019 21:40

I commuted through 4 pregnancies and never wore one. I just had no desire to advertise it in that way. I had a bit of nausea mornings but nothing that made me desperate to sit down. Once I started to show I just asked “excuse me do you mind if I sit down”. Sometimes the train can be so full, bump or badge makes no difference! You’re just wedged in where you stand!

PumpkinP · 13/09/2019 21:41

Why would this be unreasonable? I’ve got 4 children and never worn one, I would be too embarrassed to tbh, I wouldn’t ask anyone for a seat either.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 13/09/2019 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Basketofkittens · 13/09/2019 21:44

Why would you be embarrassed to wear a badge? Not everyone feels the need to be a martyr.

DappledThings · 13/09/2019 21:46

Why would you be embarrassed to wear a badge

I would be embarrased to wear one because I wouldn't want to be someone who couldn't just use my voice and ask for a seat without needing a passive aggressive badge.

I'm with OP. It may well be irrational but that's how wearing one would have made me feel.

Basketofkittens · 13/09/2019 21:47

Okay well don’t wear one. Problem solved.

Cohle · 13/09/2019 21:48

YANBU.

I always thought they were more for the convenience of women who might find it difficult or awkward to have to ask for a seat - not some kind of requirement.

DappledThings · 13/09/2019 21:49

Okay well don’t wear one. Problem solved.

I didn't! And it's not really a problem is it? It's an opinion. Sort of a discussion thread one might say.

PumpkinP · 13/09/2019 21:50

Because I don’t feel entitled to a seat for being pregnant. I find them abit cringey tbh!

Alexel · 13/09/2019 21:50

Londoner here too - never got baby on board badge. YANBU.

I was an angry pregnant lady lol my hormones were everywhere I was just focused on working up to birth as I had to consider financial side of being a single parent so loads of stress. It was also a surprise was on contraceptive for many years without issue lol.
I feel awful for this and I apologise before any angry mumnet users get all up in my damn grill.

My responses to seat offerings were:
I did this to myself
Since when was pregnancy a disability
Are you sure I'm pregnant and not just eating too much cake
You look like you're further along than I am - to men lol

I was standing walthamstow to Putney area 2 days prior my planned c section lol, it felt so heavy I was wondering if I'd actually give birth on the weekend lol. There just wasn't place to sit and I didn't say anything just took it as punishment for my unplanned pregnancy lol

The one time I sat in the pregnancy seat which was one way of my walthamstow journey a pregnant lady got on and tried to move me off my seat, I asked when she was due and she said a few weeks, I replied I'm due in 2 days and she shut up pretty quick. I didn't show much at all so it wasn't a physically demanding pregnancy. The man next to me didn't move either for that woman which was a surprise. I was almost half tempted to get up and let her have it as if she's being so vocal she must have had it a lot tougher than me but I was just too tired Blush

I think some ladies need them and the disability thing. It's now hard to tell who needs it or not, people tired from life etc. Tubes during rush hour are what they are, I don't think a badge will make a huge difference. Leaving much earlier or later does, towards the end I went to work after 9:30am so cheaper fare plus seats.

Original poster
mangobutter · 13/09/2019 22:00

@Userzzzzz now free toilets is definitely something I could get on board (ba-doom) with!

I work ft so only have to parent mornings, evenings and weekends - so far my small child has been a welcome distraction from feeling like shit Smile Would be a different story if I was a sahp!!

@EmmiJay that's lovely! Nice to hear you experienced some pleasant treatment, nice people do exist!

@GlassCeilings that's awful, can't believe people denied you a seat in those circumstances!!! Or indeed any when someone asks! How terrible. Yes I'm bloody stressed, work haven't been great with this pregnancy and home life is a bit shit. Clearly I'm taking it out by being a judgemental bitch. I promise I'm really not usually!!

@FrauHaribo I always offer a seat and I'm a woman last time I checked! I find it's fairly evenly split in my own experience, in fact women have tended to offer more for me. Having said that I've been offered seats twice so far this pregnancy and both by men (and I accepted the second one as my back was agony, I have to admit...).

@breadwidow glad to hear I'm not the only irrational one - but also that you've got something useful from this thread!

@Crunchymum fuck knows! Maybe one person mentioned it in my first pregnancy? Genuinely - my boss, two close colleagues, a couple of friends, a 'mum' friend and today another colleague which tipped me over the edge. Maybe they all think I look like I need one...?!

@DappledThings you've summed up how I feel, I definitely feel embarrassed by the idea of wearing one and I know it's irrational! Not embarrassed by others wearing them and in fact always look out for them and make a point of offering a seat (even while pregnant myself) so clearly they're useful. This is a very personal dislike Grin

OP posts:
BettyIsABoy · 13/09/2019 22:01

Haven't RTFT because I've drunk too much gin.

But I hate them. I feel like saying "you're not the first, you won't be the last. Get over it."

Completely aware I sound awful but I have a real hatred of them.

The only time I've been asked for my seat by a pregnant lady, while surrounded by a train full of people, was when I was seven months pregnant!

Original poster
mangobutter · 13/09/2019 22:02

Okay well don’t wear one. Problem solved.

But what fun would that be on a Friday night MN board?

I know, I need a life.

OP posts:
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