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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it a class thing?

389 replies

Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 16:53

I don’t really want to go into the why’s of this question as it’s pretty outing but I’m looking for a average opinion.

Would you ever take a ‘gift’ for the kitchen staff at a restaurant?
Has this always been a thing to do?
Do you have to be of a certain class and in a certain class of establishment for this to be the norm?
If you happen to be a Chef/waiting staff/restaurant owner/etc would you think it very strange for a customer to bring a gift for the chef and cooking staff?

The example of gifts would be, a pack of beer, some mini cakes or doughnuts, some other appropriate food or drink multi pack.

YANBU = God no, I have never heard of this!
YABU = you’re clearly some sort of cretin that doesn’t know how to behave in civilised society!

Please feel free to explain your vote! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 17:45

Oh and we didn’t literally ask him if he was on crack, we asked fairly diplomatically if he was serious.

OP posts:
MutedUser · 13/09/2019 17:45

If it was a class thing surely it wouldn’t be a dozen Dunkin donuts and some beer .

gingersausage · 13/09/2019 17:46

Sorry but they ARE literally on crack.

AnnieBal03 · 13/09/2019 17:47

I worked as a waitress and often guest brought the chefs gifts if that’s what your asking. The chefs are behind the scene so they would always mention how they feel forgotten when guest praise a restaurant. They was always grateful for a gift or a card

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 13/09/2019 17:47

Very odd!

Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 17:48

They have never worked in a kitchen or as waiting staff and neither have their children. My DH and I on the other hand have.

OP posts:
Frangible · 13/09/2019 17:48

No, it's not a class thing. I would view it as a deeply peculiar thing.

ShippingNews · 13/09/2019 17:48

Never heard of it. Seems odd to take a gift of FOOD to people who make / serve food all day . " Hi , I know you are surrounded by FOOD all day / evening, but here is a box of doughnuts for you " . I'd think it would be the last thing that would impress them.

3luckystars · 13/09/2019 17:48

This is not necessary. You are already paying for the food and service.

It's like giving the hairdresser a hot dog as a thank you, or handing burger to the dentist.

I dont do this and dont know of anyone who does.

MountPheasant · 13/09/2019 17:49

They are batshit OP. I spent a lot of time a few years back with a v ‘high class’ family and they would have baulked at this.

Politely decline and tell them you do not wish to take part in their custom, and you will not do so in the future- suggest that you meet at places other than restaurants from now on.

Seriously, no matter who this was, I would refuse and tell them I thought it was nuts. Politely, of course.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/09/2019 17:49

If they’re such good chefs presumably they can cook whatever delicious food they want and don’t require your shonky Tesco doughnuts?!

WombOfOnesOwn · 13/09/2019 17:49

Hilarious. I have dined, and so have people I know, in some of the most swank restaurants imaginable, eaten tasting menus at age 30 that cost more than my rent cost at 18.

No one has ever done this, and I've known some ostentatious people who like to throw around cash and hospitality. This is just...not a thing that happens.

Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 17:49

AnnieBal03

Did they? Shock What types of gift did they bring?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 13/09/2019 17:51

Here for any updates Wink

Batshit.

And honestly, even if it were a thing, for would completely ditch that ‘friend’ if they spoke to me like that.

Fivebeanchilli · 13/09/2019 17:55

I would assume that they (the giver) thought it would somehow give them special treatment.
I would assume that the recipient thinks that they're weird and definitely wouldn't give them special treatment!

Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 17:55

I’m thinking of pulling friends leg tbh. I can’t think in what way to take the messages without really falling out with them!
Any ideas what I can message back without being really rude but equally not being completely walked all over?

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 13/09/2019 17:56

They are bonkers! I have eaten at a wide array of very expensive restaurants (and cheap and cheerful ones) and never ever seen this happen

bridgetreilly · 13/09/2019 17:56

If you actually want to stay friends with these people I'd suggest something like, "Thanks for taking care of the staff gifts this time. It'll be on us next time." And then give a tip, like you know, normal people.

Corna · 13/09/2019 17:57

Clear this debt? Ffs what? It's 6 quid and if they knew anything about class they would never have sent a message like that. And anyone who feels the need to educate me can get bent. I'd send a cheque for 6 quid with a box of tesco doughnuts and a pretty little note telling them they are on crack and to kindly fuck the fuck off.

But that's classy old just me.

BWcastle2000 · 13/09/2019 17:58

@Pollypenguin01 I would be blocking / going NC with them because of the condescending way they spoke to you. Do they really think you need to be educated on how to behave in a restaurant?

Baguetteaboutit · 13/09/2019 17:59

I'm not sure I'd be so polite to friends who chased me down for £3 raving about settling debts as though I were about to skip the country.

OtraCosaMariposa · 13/09/2019 18:01

Your friends are really weird, OP. This isn't a "thing" in the UK, whatever your class.

Vgbeat · 13/09/2019 18:01

I would say you have asked on the Country Life forum and in the UK rather then America this is seen as very gauche to do and may offend the kitchen staff do therefore do not want to partake.

noroominthefridge · 13/09/2019 18:01

I think "fuck off" would be an appropriate reply.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/09/2019 18:01

I would be blocking / going NC with them because of the condescending way they spoke to you. Do they really think you need to be educated on how to behave in a restaurant?

Oh come on. They are behaving like wangsters on this but does MN have to recommend going NC about any little thing