Is it a class thing?

[Pollypenguin01]

I don’t really want to go into the why’s of this question as it’s pretty outing but I’m looking for a average opinion.

Would you ever take a ‘gift’ for the kitchen staff at a restaurant?
Has this always been a thing to do?
Do you have to be of a certain class and in a certain class of establishment for this to be the norm?
If you happen to be a Chef/waiting staff/restaurant owner/etc would you think it very strange for a customer to bring a gift for the chef and cooking staff?

The example of gifts would be, a pack of beer, some mini cakes or doughnuts, some other appropriate food or drink multi pack.

YANBU = God no, I have never heard of this!
YABU = you’re clearly some sort of cretin that doesn’t know how to behave in civilised society!

Please feel free to explain your vote!

Brilliant... absolutely crackers 😂

Oh my God! Your friends are ridiculous!
I would reply with something as equally patronizing:
Bless you, thank you but you really don't need to educate us on etiquette. We prefer to show our appreciation to the hard-working staff with money, through the well-established custom of tipping, with which they can do as they wish. Showing ones appreciation through the medium of donuts is certainly a new one among us and our friends! We will, of course, settle our £6 debt immediately, we couldn't eat at night knowing you'd been left short.

And I would never go out to eat with them again.

What was the reply

in the traditional Russia manner?

From memory, the “traditional Russian manner” usually involves handguns. Bone-handled, of course.

No way would I be sending the £6, all it does is reinforces their misguided belief that they are correct.

They are not only bonkers but wrong.

BTW, at £12 in total for donuts they must be Krispy Creme and not Tesco surely?

he's an arriviste and parvenue twat. 3)

Shamelessly placemarking to find out what your stbx friends say when they get the link of this thread!

Bat. Shit.

Wow! They are batshit and incredibly condescending in the way they speak to you. Plus who would think they are upper class and chase someone for 6quid in the same sentence?!
I'm wondering if they were taught to send gifts by a similarly try-hard friend in the past and they fell for it. Can't wait to see what their reaction is to reading this thread, but they are so far up their own arses already they will probably still believe they are in the right and the who of mums net is wrong.

This has quite frankly made my day.

Maybe include a reading list with the £6 - to include Debretts and any other books on high society etiquette!

BTW, at £12 in total for donuts they must be Krispy Creme and not Tesco surely?

This is sadder, really, that they think Krispy Kreme (my teeth start to itch at the name, let alone the disgustingness of the actual doughnuts) is in ANY way appropriate as a gift, let alone one for “fine dining.”

It’d be hilarious if it weren’t so sad that people really think this way.

I think @aliw61 answer was amazing.

But even more amazing is sending the thread link to them!
Wow!

Dear Mr Batshit patronising "friend" are you always this rude to your friends?
You have totally misjudged.. well pretty much everything. Maybe enrol on some modern etiquette courses to see how far off the mark you are. The main one being so intolerably rude, patronising and grabby with your friends.

I am just imagining your lovely restaurant at the end of a, say, 30 table night with a teetering tower of 25 shiny plastic packets shitty, supermarket donuts, 3 jars of fetit homemade bacterial potion and 12 cans of Stella.

The thing is, nobody with a modicum of care for others, or thoughtfulness, needs “etiquette lessons.” Good manners are essentially thinking of others and putting them at their ease. Normal human kindness.

Right. What the fuck happened? Did they reply?

Perhaps your friends are just a bit too right on & high brow for the rest of us...

The McD's outing with fine china and bone handled cutlery has been written up in dazed & confused as an art installation.

The 'gifts to staff' may well be another such, or a work in progress.

Welcome to the most modern world

This is completely hilarious - I'm agog that it wasn't all a joke!

Although the drinking port like a shot thing is almost as bad...

Where were the doughnuts even from, OP?

through the medium of donuts

Sorry if I've missed it but did you actually see them hand over the donuts. Were they on the table when you arrived? 🧐🍩

Op, your friends sound like total melters 👋

Also, they clearly stole the gold toilet from Blenheim Palace to keep in their car in case they have to use the loo in a fast food place.

It's all starting to fit together.

I’ve done it before - bought the chef a pint or taken him something home made. It’s a place we go regularly and often get extra preferential treatment so it’s nice to return the favour

I have never heard of this as a thing in London so it’s definitely not a London trend as a previous poster said. I think you should also point out their bad etiquette though - to buy a gift assuming another person would like to contribute and then demand the money. The appropriate action would have been for them to explain this quirk of theirs in advance and ask if you would like to contribute and, if so, how much you would be comfortable with so a gift of suitable cost could be purchased. Also if this was a better grade of restaurant 1. Why donuts as a gift?! 2. Why would you gift food to people who are literally making your food??

My DH is a chef and has never had anything like this. I did once have such an incredible meal that I specifically tipped the chef but that's because I know in some places they don't get anything from the tips.

Is he of non-European origin OP? It reads like this could be a completely tone deaf/ cack handed attempt at fitting in with English class-based customs. They’ve obviously got their wires massively crossed at some point.

I feel quite sad for them, what a terrible waste of their energy.