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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it a class thing?

389 replies

Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 16:53

I don’t really want to go into the why’s of this question as it’s pretty outing but I’m looking for a average opinion.

Would you ever take a ‘gift’ for the kitchen staff at a restaurant?
Has this always been a thing to do?
Do you have to be of a certain class and in a certain class of establishment for this to be the norm?
If you happen to be a Chef/waiting staff/restaurant owner/etc would you think it very strange for a customer to bring a gift for the chef and cooking staff?

The example of gifts would be, a pack of beer, some mini cakes or doughnuts, some other appropriate food or drink multi pack.

YANBU = God no, I have never heard of this!
YABU = you’re clearly some sort of cretin that doesn’t know how to behave in civilised society!

Please feel free to explain your vote! Grin

OP posts:
MrsMaiselsMuff · 13/09/2019 17:20

Why would someone give kitchen staff, busily working away in a hot kitchen, ice cream? Mr Jones has brought ice cream again chaps, tools down everyone!

This is one of those "how to upgrade" bollocks type things.

Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 17:22

So how would you word a reply asking for you to pay £6 to cover your half of the doughnuts?

I know £6 is very little and I will probably just pay it and say no more but I do admit to being a bit put out about it tbh.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/09/2019 17:24

Never heard of this. Certainly didn't happen at any of the ones I worked at, but they were chain restaurants not naice ones.

Baguetteaboutit · 13/09/2019 17:26

If I had beer, cakes and doughnuts to hand I'd call that dinner and go to the restaurant some other time.

Peterpiperpickedwrongagain · 13/09/2019 17:26

DH was a chef- got the odd pint bought. It was much appreciated.

Sindragosan · 13/09/2019 17:30

Very odd considering the kitchen staff would usually be able to eat whatever they want (within reason) off the menu or make their own. Most chefs are massive food snobs and picky about what they eat.

HeadintheiClouds · 13/09/2019 17:30

I imagine it would take a hell of a lot more than a pack of mini doughnuts to elevate you to VIP status... You'd seriously have to be a bit simple to believe this?? It’s beyond nuts

Breathlessness · 13/09/2019 17:33

*‘So how would you word a reply asking for you to pay £6 to cover your half of the doughnuts?’

‘Are you on crack?’ would be my response.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 13/09/2019 17:33

So how would you word a reply asking for you to pay £6 to cover your half of the doughnuts?

I would say that it's not something you would normally do and you will stick to leaving a tip but thanks for the offer. I wouldn't be paying £6 towards donuts for a dinner. Unless you are abroad somewhere and it's customary there, I wouldn't be taking part in this Confused

donquixotedelamancha · 13/09/2019 17:34

So how would you word a reply asking for you to pay £6 to cover your half of the doughnuts?

I think the key information to include in the reply is that you are not going to dinner with them any more now that you know they are bonkers.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 13/09/2019 17:34

Never heard of it. But I could imagine my mum doing it for the staff of her local pub/restaurant as She eats there a lot.

PicsInRed · 13/09/2019 17:34

It's a 'bonkers' thing.

Legomadx2 · 13/09/2019 17:36

Very odd. Never heard of this and have worked in restaurants.

donquixotedelamancha · 13/09/2019 17:36

I think the voting for this thread clearly indicates that there are about 5% of MNers who like to wind the OP up.

I thought it would be more.

LondonJax · 13/09/2019 17:37

Why would you buy food for a restaurant's cooking staff?

I can understand the odd drink (mind you that could be a bit dodgy depending how much the chef has had!)

How strange?!

Cambionome · 13/09/2019 17:38

Lunatic. Never heard of it. Confused

NeverTwerkNaked · 13/09/2019 17:39

I have never ever seen anyone do this!
"No. Because that would be really strange" is all you need to say.

I guess only thing I can think of is that the Chef is a friend or family member? But even then it's still pretty odd!

gingersausage · 13/09/2019 17:39

Total load of bollocks. Kitchen staff would think you were weird. Actually, the gift wouldn’t get as far as the kitchen staff in my experience unless you gave it to the chef. Who would think you were weird. If you gave them to the mâitre d’, he would eat them (and think....seeing a theme😉).

I’ve worked in high end restaurants my whole 20+ year career (till I had to stop work) and I’ve never come across this.

FionaBrusque · 13/09/2019 17:39

I don't think a packet of shop bought donuts or a six pack of beer is any kind of class marker, unless you mean very very low class?

I can't imagine any decent chef being pleased with receiving either of these, are you seriously suggesting going into good restaurants with a packet of donuts or a tub of shop bought ice cream?

Walnutwhipster · 13/09/2019 17:41

I often buy the chef a drink in a regular haunt. I worked as a chef for years and we would have laughed if you brought us doughnuts. That's just odd.

Expressedways · 13/09/2019 17:42

I live in America, never known anyone do it here either. Maybe that random guy from Louisana just really wants free snacks??

I’d reply to the text by saying that you’ll be leaving a good tip if it’s a great meal as per the cultural norm in the UK and thanks but no thanks for contributing towards the donuts.

Original poster
Pollypenguin01 · 13/09/2019 17:44

I’m not sure if they are taking the piss tbh.

They did absolutely take doughnuts, but the text sent asking for our share was a bit Hmm

‘It was a shame we didn’t receive your part payment for the treats at the time of splitting the meal costs but as you can appreciate we need to clear this debt ASAP. We understand it might not be something you do as a rule but let us educate you in the correct etiquette for dining in a slightly better class restaurant thanthe ones you may be used to’
When asked if he was on crack,
‘As you can see (the link earlier posted) it is quite a common and completely natural thing to do for kitchen staff, and we are a little disappointed our friends haven’t done this as standard. It reflects poorly on both of us, that we would associate with people that do not treat their kitchen staff with respect and that you have been ignorant of this’

They are not the type to usually take the piss and we don’t really have banter with them as they can be quite a serious couple although not unkind in anyway.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 13/09/2019 17:44

Giving food to kitchen staff is like taking a packet of staples to your fave receptionist.

TurnOffTheTv · 13/09/2019 17:45

If it has to be a gift please don’t buy donuts!
Kitchen staff/chefs want booze!

Thecabbageassasin · 13/09/2019 17:45

Have they perhaps worked in a kitchen at some point and a customer did this for them and they thought it a lovely gesture? And they now want to return the favour ?