Is it a class thing?

[Pollypenguin01]

I don’t really want to go into the why’s of this question as it’s pretty outing but I’m looking for a average opinion.

Would you ever take a ‘gift’ for the kitchen staff at a restaurant?
Has this always been a thing to do?
Do you have to be of a certain class and in a certain class of establishment for this to be the norm?
If you happen to be a Chef/waiting staff/restaurant owner/etc would you think it very strange for a customer to bring a gift for the chef and cooking staff?

The example of gifts would be, a pack of beer, some mini cakes or doughnuts, some other appropriate food or drink multi pack.

YANBU = God no, I have never heard of this!
YABU = you’re clearly some sort of cretin that doesn’t know how to behave in civilised society!

Please feel free to explain your vote!

I have waited tables in some seriously high end restaurants, including in a very tony area of NY, and London and various other European countries and this is definitely definitely not a thing and tbh most kitchen staff would be unimpressed and MUCH prefer tips. They are perfectly capable of making their own delicious off-menu food, as evidenced by the usually DELICIOUS family meals for staff!

Buying a round of drinks for any staff you see lurking round the bar at the end of the night, acceptable. But often we’d just convert the price of the drink into cash and add it to tips. People need money, not flipping doughnuts!!

Also your friends need to be educated that the WORST rudeness and dereliction of manners is to point out others’ failings, especially around table manners etc!

This is hilarious.
I did once give a Christmas card and chocolates to the staff in a restaurant. But it was close to work so we went there a lot. It was family run. And they gave us a card first.

I have been fortunate enough to eat in some very good restaurants (Michelin stars etc) and I have never seen anyone bring a gift for the chef or other staff. Tips, yes, but not gifts. I'd regard their behaviour as rather déclassé, to be honest. Smacks of trying to bribe your way into special treatment that you haven't earned.

That aside, your 'friends' deciding to lecture you in manners and patronise you with it? They can take their £6 and shove it, coin by coin, up their arse.

(Or you could mail them £6 worth of 1ps...without any postage.)

don’t require your shonky Tesco doughnuts?!

Never heard of this.

That's just bizarre. I'm sure the staff would prefer bigger tips. Who the fuck wants donuts!? It's so cringe and unnecessary, doesn't matter what type of establishment.

Did you reply OP? It's hard to take their message seriously....

shonky is considered by some to be an anti Semitic word.
So might upset some people.

I gift my childrens teachers and support teachers at Christmas, and at the end of the school year because I feel overhelmed with grattitude to them for teaching and taking care of my children. I just feel like I need to show appreciation. I think most people do that now... I can't remember if it was the same back in the 90's when I was at school, I honestly can't remember!

I don't gift any other people who aren't family and I think if you did you'd risk causing more embarrassment than anyting else.

a kind gesture that can vault you to VIP status

Aha. So that's what this is all about. They think that patronising the hired help sending a gift into the kitchen will elevate them to a higher social status, ahead of all the other plebs customers.

I should think the one thing that will guarantee VIP status would be to be a regular repeat customer that spends a great deal in the restaurant whilst you are there.

My grandad was a chef. When we went out for meals he often sent the chef a brandy or a bottle of wine.

His favourite memories of 'cheffing' was getting blotto on customers leftover bottles of wine god knows who would leave wine

wtf no. Not even in DH's home country, which is literally the home of gift giving, would anyone bring gifts for restaurant staff,

We used to occasionally get a pack of biscuits or sweets from regular customers
We loved them dearly. And yeah. They did get bit of a VIP treatment.

The only time I've known of this is my eldest son and his favourite restaurant. He and DiL eat their frequently and have developed a relationship of sorts with the owner/Maitre d'/waitstaff. They take very good care of them and my son usually brings a bottle of nice wine or some fancy chocolates or a nice cheese for them to show his appreciation. He also really appreciates the way they 'cater' for me (Coeliac) when I eat there.

wtf no. Not even in DH's home country, which is literally the home of gift giving, would anyone bring gifts for restaurant staff,

Is he from the North Pole?

This made me laugh! My DH, me and our friends love to eat at very good restaurants, we plan and take trips to destinations just to enjoy eating at a couple of fine dining restaurants and there is no such tradition that we've been aware of in our fifteen years of doing this!

We actually just returned from Napa after enjoying another great experience at French Laundry and I can't even imagine what they'd say if we handed them a box of doughnuts!! We'll be in NY for a week in November, we have reservations for Per Se, Eleven and Momofuku, I'll be sure to ask around about this apparent tradition I know I sound obnoxious about the restaurant bragging but really - bringing gifts really isn't a thing.

The kindest interpretation here is probably that your friends got a hold of this mistaken notion and don't know any better. Asking you to contribute and being annoyed that you didn't offer is just crass however.

@YouJustDoYou omg! Mrs Claus! Hiiiiiiii. Am I on a good list?

😁

I was in the restaurant of a celebrity chef (chef celebrity rather than celebrity chef really!) and a very naice lady who was clearly a regular had brought in some biscuits she’d made from his recipe book! He came out to say how delicious they were. I suspect they’d gone directly binwards to be honest

Years ago where I worked customers would ask the staff to put in a pint for the chef. I had forgotten about that.

Not a thing in the UK, really not. Your ‘friends’ are bizarre.

That's just so weird. Why on earth would you give a chef a bag of doughnuts?! They work in a kitchen, surrounded by food. I can't even imagine walking into my local Indian restaurant and brining a 'gift' for them! It's just really odd.

That is beyond weird and if they want to bring a gift for the kitchen staff then that’s their very strange decision to self fund.
The message about the “debt” would be more than enough for me to distance myself from the crazy. But then I am harsh...

Never have i heard of this before

I've been to a lot of top London restaurants over the years and in the dim and distant past I used to hang out with wealthy and occasionally famous people. You would never guess to see me now.

I have never heard of anything so batshit crazy. Taking food to a restaurant? And doughnuts? Doughnuts? Talk about low class food. There is nothing sophisticated about a doughnut. Please don't tell me they were Krispy Kreme?

Do your friends think that people turn up to eat at the Ritz with little parcels of cupcakes or whatever? They really are barking mad.