Who should of got of the bus?

[namechangedforthis09]

Posting this for my Dsis so name changed !

My sister was on the bus yesterday with her DS who is ASD and her DD who has hip dysplasia and is currently in a cast (see pic of google) both her children are disabled and get DLA atm.

There was 2 spaces either side for wheelchair/prams. She was in 1 and on the other was a mum with a newborn, half way to were she was going a wheelchair user gets on and the bus driver asks her to fold her pram, she took her DD blanket of and pointed out her child is disabled and if she wasn't a baby would be in a wheelchair herself instead of a buggy & that she was to heavy to lift/hold on the bus with her ASD son also there.

The bus driver didn't know what to do but continued to say she needed to fold up her buggy, when she asked why the other mum couldn't fold hers he said it was safer for Dsis to hold her child as she was older.

In the end the person in the wheelchair asked Dsis to help her into a seat and she could fold the wheelchair, then to top of the other mum got of at the next stop literally 2 minutes up the road!

Dsis has complained about the bus driver because she feels the other mum should have folded her pram and that he totally ignored the fact she had 2 disabled children with her.

So who was actually in the wrong here? The bus company have asked DSis what she would like to happen and I personally think the bus drivers need better training to deal with these situations.

No ifs or buts, the non disabled person should move. None of the crappy excuses given for her here change that.

If anyone has had a child in a SPICA cast, they would know why those excuses are crappy. Ditto if anyone uses a wheelchair.

The bus drivers do have a hard job to do but this one needs reporting because he actually decided a child in a cast is safer on her mother’s knee. That could cause a whole lot of discomfort and is really unsafe on a bus. He needs to know he made a really bad call and needs more training.

Of course it's possible to say who should have moved. No input from this mother required to know that the wheelchair user and parent of a disabled child have the available spaces.

Definitely the other mum should have folded her pram.

It's not fun for anyone involved. Unfortunately it's the mum of the newborn who should move. It's possible that the mum of the newborn couldn't fold the pushchair, carrycots don't fold and soon after birth it can be impossible to hold so she'd have to just get off the bus and lose her bus fare. Following a caesarean and with multiple tendon issues in my hands that's exactly what I had to do several times. I remember being in tears once standing in pain at a bus stop with no seat/roof, a baby needing to be breastfed and it started raining, no "next bus" for 15 minutes and no guarantee there would be space for a pushchair. Meanwhile, very late for the baby's appointment. The fact of the matter is that pushchairs must get off the bus for wheelchairs, because it's a wheelchair space, but that doesn't make it as easy as the "just fold the pushchair" people pretend.

It does sound like the bus driver was trying to pick the right mum first but just hadn't seen the hip problem that meant moving on to the next mum and obviously it threw him, so it's a genuine training issue. The disabled person in this case was very kind offering to take a seat with some help, if that was suggested quickly after then it might be why newborn mum didn't try to move. Or it might be that newborn mum wasn't in the loop with all the conversations, because she just heard the bus driver telling the sister to fold up. I'm not going to call anybody unreasonable in this case, it was complicated and there's no evidence that the mum of the newborn was nasty. If mum of newborn really only needed one more stop then she could have been parked by the doors to sort it all out better. I'm sure most bus drivers would benefit from some training to assess all the people affected, offer some help and offer a free ticket onto the next bus for whoever's lowest in the priority system.

I find it strange that women for decades managed to catch busses with small children but as soon as a space is made available for a disabled person then prams can no longer be folded

Yes me too. If you plan to use public transport then by a bloody folding buggy.

In the early 90s I had an umbrella fold double buggy suitable for use from birth. As far as I can see they still exist although not as fashionable as the chelsea tractor style buggies which clog up buggies, shops and pavements.

BTW - we don't know the mother of the newborn was a new mother. It could well have been her 5th.

I actually spent a day with a disabled person as part of my job to see how it is for them to get around and its a real eye opener.

Yes and its training which more people should take. Very few people have a clue about the real difficulties.

There is nothing quite like that special form of deafness and blindness which suddenly overcomes people when someone disabled boards public transport.

You've missed the bit where I said she might only have heard the bus driver ask the sister to move. It doesn't sound like she was actually included in the conversation at all, so nobody knows why she didn't move or if she would have moved if the wheelchair user hadn't immediately come up with another solution when the sister said she couldn't fold.

You've missed the bit where I said she might only have heard the bus driver ask the sister to move.

TBH that is irrelevant. Even if the whole scenario was entirely hypothetical the two disabled passengers should get the spaces and the parent folds up the baby's pram or pushchair and moves.

Even if it means enduring the living horror of having someone else hold PFB for a couple of minutes.

Everything Blueoasis has said echoes my thoughts. I'd probably get deleted if I posted what I'm actually thinking.

I absolutely think the person in wheelchair/baby in casts has priority, but if you have a first baby that's say 1 week old, you have been a mum for exactly a week, you've been sold a massive pushchair as it's 'safer', everyone tuts at you just because you're a mum and in reality you don't know what the fuck you are doing. So yes she probs should have got off but she was not necessarily selfish or 'entitled' (God I hate that word) just a struggling human, like most of us.

You've missed the bit where I said she might only have heard the bus driver ask the sister to move

Do you think she was standing there with her eyes shut when the wheelchair user was being helped to their seat and the wheelchair folded?

So yes she probs should have got off but she was not necessarily selfish or 'entitled' (God I hate that word) just a struggling human, like most of us.

She had literally one more stop to go. How is it not selfish and entitled to watch a disabled person folding their wheelchair and being helped to their seat, just so she can travel one stop?

Oh yes i forgot that bit tbh.

Still, I wouldn't assume it was selfishness. More likely doziness or just not knowing what to do. As I said, I think she should have moved. I just don't think we should assume everyone's horrible all the time.

I wonder if having seen the other people struggle to get the wheelchair folded up etc pramlady was too embarrassed to pipe up and offer to get off the bus having not done so sooner and that is why she got off at the next stop. She probably thought oh the passenger with 2 children can get off, or the wheelchair user will wait for the next bus if I just keep my head down... probably next time she will be more on the ball

I know it depends on the company and the area, but I know if a W/C user couldn't get on the bus because of another w/c then it would be radioed through and the next bus would make sure there's room unless there's obviously another w/c. If a W/C user couldn't board two consecutive buses then the bus company would pay for a taxi.

What @StrictlyComeMarie said:

“The other mum was definitely in the wrong. I find that quite a few women with young babies begin to think they’re god’s gift and that they’re entitled to anything they want.”

I’ve found the same of some men and women. It happens enough that my sons and I have termed it “Baby on Board!” due to the signs for cars that indicate emergency workers should expect to look for a child. Nothing wrong with using the sign for safety, the problem is some people seem to think it’s for others to always yield to them. “Make way! We’ve got a CHILD!”

www.mommyish.com/stfu-parents-parents-feel-justified-entitlement/1/

Although, it is sometimes entertaining to watch the entitlement of the parents (like the man that went straight up to the barista and demanded to skip the queue due to having a baby, don’t know why he didn’t place a mobile order.)

That’s horrible she just watched the disabled woman and OP’s DS fold up the wheelchair. As someone else said, if there was truly an issue with her own health, she could have spoken up.

I don’t think the driver should be reported. He should have asked the other woman, yes, but perhaps he’s encountered her prior and she was difficult.

@ChippingInLowCarbing I’m reading the OP as one space for a wheelchair user (which is being occupied by the temporarily disabled niece) and the other space for a pram user (smaller space that wouldn’t fit a wheelchair)

Op can you clarify? Did the bus driver not ask the other lady to move because the space she was in wasn’t the wheelchair space and therefore not big enough for one?

In that situation the mum with the newborn should have got up and folded her pram. I'd feel guilty as I watched a mum with 2 disabled kids struggling and someone with a wheelchair.

It's easier to hold a newborn than it is a baby with medical needs. How dumb was the driver! Safety doesn't come into it - people baby wear and get on buses. 🤯

Some people seem a little confused here so I'll explain things in simple terms:

Having children is a choice
Having mobility issues is not a choice

It's a real shame that we need to resort to top trumps though, you'd think people would have a little more understanding wouldn't you?

It seems no one at the time actually spoke to the mum if the pram and new baby. So there could have been any number of reasons why she couldn't move or absolutely none at all.
I think talking to each other is the best way forward.
Are you totally sure that both spaces were wheelchair spaces because I have been on buses with one of each, slightly different sizes.